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#207209 - 02/24/08 09:51 PM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetti [Re: blueshift]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
I think it was a good thing to do Gof. Many parents won't recognize the possibility of him doing something, unless they are hit in the face with it.

I think you've done something that will help protect kids in your neighborhoods.

Keith


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#207210 - 02/24/08 09:51 PM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetti [Re: blueshift]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
I think it was a good thing to do Gof. Many parents won't recognize the possibility of him doing something, unless they are hit in the face with it.

I think you've done something that will help protect kids in your neighborhoods.

Keith


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#207211 - 02/24/08 09:51 PM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetti [Re: blueshift]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
I think it was a good thing to do Gof. Many parents won't recognize the possibility of him doing something, unless they are hit in the face with it.

I think you've done something that will help protect kids in your neighborhoods.

Keith


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#207225 - 02/24/08 11:09 PM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetti [Re: KeithR]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
Maybe it is just me, but the thing that ticks me off in this whole situation is that everyone told you there were complaints and that others felt the same way, but WHY O WHY WASN'T ANYONE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT?????????????? Were they just waiting until this guy screwed up some poor kids life?

I'm glad you stepped in, who knows how many kids you saved from this crap. I hope this guy got the message and stays away.


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#207244 - 02/25/08 01:27 AM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetting.. [Re: GoFigure12]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I only wish there was a father like you in my life to protect me when I was younger.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#207275 - 02/25/08 10:41 AM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetti [Re: usmc97]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I think in this situation you did well to speak your mind and it's great that you're protecting children. I'm glad you care enough to be there for kids other than your own. I wish more would have that quality.

If it were me I would've confronted him too, but perhaps in a more calm way -- maybe with a group of parents with you and behind you, perhaps in the locker room away from the children. What's that old saying? "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

Maybe ask him questions instead of assuming. Yes, he may lie, but I think you could at least get the vibe and perhaps his side of the story. It would be easy (for me at least) to see through a lie. Perhaps offer a way to find help for his attractions?

If he does have brain injury from an accident, it seems he's not getting the help he needs.

If he is a "predator" (that's such a loaded word), do you think he is likely to change his ways by means of shame and humiliation? Unlikely. It's more likely he will just find other places to be around children whose parents weren't witness to this event. But with offered help, who knows...?

The goal is to protect children in the long term AND short term, I feel.

Also, I betcha no one questions the coach, who is just as likely to molest as this guy. However, I hope we don't devolve into a society that thinks every man who enjoys working with kids is a pedophile.

Just speaking from a perspective of someone who's worked with 100s of "predators." Great job and good work for keeping kids safe! \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#207346 - 02/25/08 03:51 PM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetti [Re: AndyJB2005]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

There's no question in my mind that you did the right thing. But for the grace of God, I could easily have been like the guy you describe. He needs some serious help, but he also must be confronted any and every time there's anything going on between him and someone else's child that crosses past affection into abuse (and that line comes up pretty quickly).
The things that you describe, especially tickling and things of that nature, are not innocent and must be stopped. Believe me, I know that even a little child knows the difference between the playful and the abusive. Someone who has no relationship with your child should have no more contact than a handshake or high-five.
Yes, it's possible the man has no clue what he's doing, but the hockey rink, or lacrosse or baseball field isn't the place for him to hang out for hours. Without people like you who are willing to tell someone there's a problem, it could go on for years.
It sounds like the man needs some serious counseling, which I've already had, and connections with people close to his age, which has happened for me in the last couple decades. Beyond that, though, your child's safety is more important than this man's discomfort or pain.

Ed


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#207597 - 02/26/08 07:49 PM . [Re: JustScott]
GoFigure12 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 72
Loc: USA
.


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#207606 - 02/26/08 08:14 PM Re: Confronted a Could-Be Predator; It Was Upsetti [Re: GoFigure12]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Gofigure12,

I had mixed thoughts on this at first, so I didn't respond. But now I think I have my ideas clear in my own mind and can comment and maybe make some sense.

My mix-up was over the possibility that this guy is just one of those types who for whatever reason can't relate to others his own age, so he hangs around kids because that's the environment he feels comfortable in himself.

But now I think no, that's not the case. As you describe it, this guy is devoting all his spare time to cruising around to events where young boys will be playing sports. And what does he go for? The locker rooms and changing rooms. I don't see anything innocent about that, even if he is a volunteer, assistant, or whatever. And what else does he angle for? Some kind of touching or groping, disguised as innocent affection ... ugh.

I am no vigilante or alarmist, but hey, time to wake up, world! This is exactly why so many pedophiles are able to operate so freely and do so much harm. They can still feign innocence and protest that they are just good guys helping out.

You did it right, my friend. Good for you!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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