Newest Members
0128, jeremywickers, JScott12, TMatti2, DaiseyLady
12502 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
asdude1981 (33), Avery46 (51), hans32 (46), jean-noel (49), Kirk (59), Kirk Wayne (59), Mechanical (21), OldTrafford (50)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 22 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12502 Members
74 Forums
64193 Topics
447967 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 3 of 3 < 1 2 3
Topic Options
#207770 - 02/27/08 01:51 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: cbfull]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Hi Craig
I too am sorry about to hear about that
We came here with enough issues
Like yourself it was the ways they talked to others & about themselves that attracted me
I also agree that it is part of a larger learning experience

My guard is up with attack dogs & an electrified fence when I am ooot & aboot
I've been able to drop it here
I also have to be upfront & admit there have been 2 others here I question my feelings towards
maybe a better way of putting this is the direction my feelings were heading?
I am seeing my T next week & will be exploring this with him

In retrospect, as a gay man, attraction to & infatuation with other men is natural
I can accept that now
Where it gets f%*#@d up is when it becomes STUCK in obsession or is unrequited
In other words my 20's

The main thing is trust for me
Trusting my feelings
Dealing with others trusting me in light of my owning up here
Boundaries
Defensiveness
Openness
Protection
Communication
Willingness
Life is a 2 way street
But I am feeling stronger at the steering wheel

Craigineff



Edited by ineffable (02/27/08 02:28 PM)
_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
#207772 - 02/27/08 01:55 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: ineffable]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Craig, I'm so glad you found us, and I'm glad MS is working well for you. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to let your guard down. \:\) It's an honor to read your words. \:\)

Thanks for bring this topic up -- it was really something I needed OUT of me. \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Top
#207775 - 02/27/08 02:09 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: AndyJB2005]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Andy

Everytime I see your avatar I get a big goofy grin

Have you ever heard the song: "The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades"?

Craigineff

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
#208263 - 03/01/08 03:34 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: AndyJB2005]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Andy,

I think you bring up an important point:

Originally Posted By: AndyJB2005
But I would be careful about falling in love with another on this site. We're so unpredictable, us survivors.


I think we all know that managing any kind of engagement with another person requires emotional resources and strength. Even just a casual friendship with the guy down the street, or a pal at the gym, can be trying at times.

The anonymity of the Internet encourages us to say more about ourselves here, and the more we reveal and the more we engage with someone the more risk there is. Of course that risk can pay off. Reaching out to each other can be a very healing and encouraging experience. I know that so many of the gains I made in real life were things I tried out here first and gained enough confidence to convince myself they would work in "the real world" too.

I think the key question here is boundaries. How far can you go with someone here and still maintain a safe relationship? Most of us have never met and don't even know where the other guy lives, or even if he really is who he says he is. To what extent should we get our own life entangled in that of someone else, when the other person is also struggling with recovery issues? How far can we "be there" for someone else when we ourselves often feel so lost? Is our feeling of closeness coming from a genuine engagement with the other person, or could it be that we are just so accustomed to feeling bad and alone that any relief seems to be incredibly special? How will we feel if a close friend just suddenly disappears from the site, for whatever good reasons of his own?

We will all answer these questions differently, but it's vital to bear in mind that our first priority should be our own recovery. Reaching out to others is important to both sides and of course it's what makes us a community. But it's vital to have in mind our own needs and concerns and to make sure we aren't taking risks that could cause us a lot of harm.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
Page 3 of 3 < 1 2 3


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.