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#207448 - 02/25/08 11:15 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: roadrunner]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
well said Larry.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#207454 - 02/26/08 12:33 AM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: markgreyblue]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I thought I was really close to someone on here, too, even infatuated and/or "in love." Then they dumped me -- twice. Stupid me went back the first time after he apologized profusely -- I don't know why I believed him. I should've left it at that and not played his game. But I guess I was lonely...and thought I had feelings for him.

When you guys brought up rehab romances I nodded vigorously -- I couldn't think of a better way to say that until then. I guess that's my responsibility in the whole mess. I guess I had my share of acting out in the relationship, and maybe it wasn't, like someone said, what we really needed.

I just hope I can get over the feelings sooner than the first time I was dumped. At least this time I know where I stand, and am more prepared.

The biggest hurt is the lie ("computer problems," "busy at work")...and how he thinks I'm stupid. The first time I held on to hope that he would come back -- and that made it more difficult I think. No more.

So I guess to answer your question, I didn't handle it well, and it crashed and burned. I can tell you about the aftermath though, if you want. *shrug* But I would be careful about falling in love with another on this site. We're so unpredictable, us survivors.



_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#207463 - 02/26/08 01:56 AM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: AndyJB2005]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Didn't mean to hijack if I did. \:\(

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#207476 - 02/26/08 06:02 AM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: roadrunner]
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
Craig, in the 3(or so) years I was active here I've seen countless situations likes this. It won't work out, but it's not the end of the world either. There is no pat answer on how to handle it, you and the other person need to work this out in for your selves. The fact that you see it can be a problem means you are on the right track.

But I have to tell you even though there might be some short term drama, in the bigger picture, it's not THAT bad. Talk to your friends, reach out when you need to and take it one day at a time.


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#207489 - 02/26/08 07:54 AM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: brian-z]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Andy,

You didnít hijack at all. You honestly said what happened to you in exactly the situation Craig is talking about. I donít know who the other guy youíre talking about is and I donít need to know, all I see is that you got hurt because you wound up in a situation that is very difficult to avoid. You found acceptance and understanding and mistook it for love. That happens in every day life all the time. Here, with such intense emotions flying all over the place at any given moment, it probably happens even more. Iím not going to play devilís advocate and defend or denigrate the other guy, Iím just going to say that I hope you do get over the bad feelings and continue the work that brought you here in the first place. Youíve already showed a strength that you may not have been aware of by facing what happened and remaining here rather than running away. You deserve a lot of credit for that.

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#207526 - 02/26/08 11:10 AM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: Trish4850]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Thanks Trish. \:\)

I guess a big hurt, too, is that I have very big abandonment issues because of my history. I'm not yet used to getting close to people, and perhaps the online version was a bit easier for me. But then it broke off with this guy and all that stuff came back to me (both times) -- and I feel like that little kid again standing by the phone, waiting for his dad to call, wondering what happened, wondering why he doesn't talk to me, wondering what I did and if he even loves me.

I must say that at least this time I am not blaming myself as much.

I've run away from a lot of stuff in my life, and I can't do it again. So here I stay.

I hope this relationship is better. \:\) Not trying to sabotage it, just be careful to keep your emotions in check, I'd say. \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#207535 - 02/26/08 12:09 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: AndyJB2005]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Whoa
All this talk of bravery makes me want to paint my face blue & break out the family kilt
Andy you are free to join me cuz you are the braver man in my opinion

Thank you EVERYONE
So much wisdom & support & insight & gulp... love?
I am humbled & grateful to be in such company as I am here at MS

Looking back at what I previously posted I need to say something
I was insensitive when I said the only thing that was in danger was ME ME ME
I forgot someone elses feelings WERE involved

For that I am truly sorry & I hope he will forgive me

I also learned something else that I will share & explain
I delete most of my PM's, even the ones I have started
I obsess over what I have written afterwards & over responses I receive
Also a bit of an inbox clean phreeque
I never knew or considered how that might be perceived by someone else until I was asked about it

If anyone has felt "invalidated" or "insignificant" ("these" are MY words) as a result
please
talk to me?

It has been a bumpy ride but I am no worse for wear
Thanks to you

Craig



_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#207542 - 02/26/08 01:31 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: ineffable]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
The major reason I ended up finding this place was a result of my own obsessions/infatuations, and landing in a very intense one with a coworker.

I came close to being infatuated with another member here once, and you might be able to image the mixed emotions of humiliation and relief I felt when he was found to be assuming multiple identities here and even pretending to be different people.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#207565 - 02/26/08 03:15 PM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: cbfull]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Gosh, I'm sorry that happened to you, cbfull. That must've been a shock to the system.

I can totally relate to the mixed feelings of humiliation and relief.

I'm with ya brother. \:\)

Craig: like I say to everyone who calls me brave, "It's about time I am...I wasn't brave for too long already." lol \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#207714 - 02/27/08 08:42 AM Re: looked way back to see if this had been posted [Re: AndyJB2005]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Thanks Andy, the feelings of humiliation did not last long. The user PM'd me with a single line, "Let's talk". It was too weird, and any potential infatuation on my part went out the window at that point. I just got a feeling that something was "not good". I'm sure you remember him as it was very recent, one of his screen names was Jayson and his avatar was a motorcycle.

I'm not embarassed about the details of what attracted me to him, it was the way he talked to other guys. It reminded me of one of my "healthier" and more pleasant sexual experiences in college.

I would have to say that it's all part of a larger, more valuable learning experience that is long overdue.

Craig

BTW, since there is another "Craig" on the board, I don't mind being called CB or cbfull, but odds are we'll know which of us is being addressed.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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