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#206404 - 02/20/08 05:28 PM being abused by an older woman...
menspeakout Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/05/08
Posts: 36
I was wondering how men here felt about this form of abuse. Since it is a natural part of growing up for men to feel that we needed to prove our manhood, it was often seen positively when an adolescent boy was sexually abused by an older woman.

A friend of mine in high school was having sex with my math teacher. He was 16, the teacher had to have been in her mid-40's. As an adolescent I admired him, in a male sense. I felt sorry for him as well, but I couldn't quite say why at that age. You could tell that he was in over his head. He didn't have the maturity to know how to deal with what had happened to him. Also, he was being sent the wrong message from his peers.

A good deal of society still believes that this abuse isn't so bad. I was wondering if anyone had been in this situation and how did you deal with the aftereffects?

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#206413 - 02/20/08 06:18 PM Re: being abused by an older woman... [Re: menspeakout]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I had this happen when I was 16-17 and she was in her 30s, for me it was weird. I never told anyone and I was living with my last male perp at the time. So it was just more abuse, I was told I needed the experience. So I went along with it but I felt kind of dirty after like I had done some despicable thing and it was my fault for going with this woman.
She apologized a couple days later and said don't tell anyone. Now I felt worse because I though there was something wrong with me. and that I was not handsome enough for this woman..... Sorry as you can see the after effects are the same as any other sexual abuse. At least thats what I feel.
Hope this helps you msk

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#206420 - 02/20/08 06:45 PM Re: being abused by an older woman... [Re: GateKPR4]
menspeakout Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/05/08
Posts: 36
Thanks for sharing. I have always wondered if men go on with their lives without ever identifying sexual abuse by an older woman AS abuse. Or if it's seen as a part of 'growing up' since it seems more accepted among our peers.

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#206505 - 02/21/08 12:10 AM Re: being abused by an older woman... [Re: menspeakout]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2577
The "acceptance" part ticks me off. I was abused for 8 years, and the one time it was a female has screwed me up more than the others. I have some of the deepest anger toward her, and I'm very distant from women even today because of it. I've read several studies that have suggested that the damage done is deeper and more intense than that of males. While I'm sure it's subjective, as people react different to different things, for me they hold true.


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#206918 - 02/23/08 09:09 AM Re: being abused by an older woman... [Re: JustScott]
bikergary Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 32
Loc: Nevada
Several years ago I had a coworker that talked about having had sex with his best friend's mother when he was about 16. Among the guys he was proud of it. Don't know if he realized the impact then but he was in his early 30s then,alcoholic, and I know he was hurting.

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#206960 - 02/23/08 01:58 PM Re: being abused by an older woman... [Re: bikergary]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
I spoke to another gentlemen in a private PM about my original post title ("Difficulty Of Dealing With Being Raped By A Women") The following is an indexed annotation of that discussion. In the summer of 1979 I was savagely raped at the age of twenty-three by two men and one woman at gunpoint. After the initial shock I spoke to nobody, not even my family members. Nobody knew about it. Overwhelmed by great fears and shame I didn't even seek much needed medical attention due to the torturous heavy injuries I sustained to my body and groin. If it wasn't bad enough being sodomized, beaten, and whipped with an electrical cord for refusing to perform oral sex, by two rotten bastards. Try to contemplate the utter embarrassment and humiliation of having a woman in the same room sexually fondle and sodomize you with a hot curling iron. What the hell do you say with the loaded barrel of a gun in your mouth. Needless to express more details I was literally in a bloody mess after the immediate aftermath. Fear and shame is an awful thing to bear in life. For twenty-two years I dissociated my past horrors and buried them deep in my subconscious to a point of forgetting what happened to me. I realize today that the horrid memories I had so purposely tried to bury were really part of me all through my adult years. In 2003 at the age of forty-five I had a major nervous break-down, winding up in a psych-ward for two months. Today I am fifty years old, living with a loving empathetic wife whom I cherish deeply. If it were not for her I'd be back in a psych-ward or worse, dead. I must admit that I still have intimacy problems due to harsh memories and nightmarish dreams that still afflict me to this very day. I am not one who favors psychotropic medication even though I reluctantly admit it is necessary for some of us. For a number of male rape victims who are faced with being raped by women. And yes; it sure as hell does happen. Perhaps it's a matter of intimacy, or the lack thereof in some of us "not" being able to initiate intimacy in it's variable stages. For years I struggled with what is commonly referred to in psychiatric/psychology circles as ("Hypoactive Sexual Aversion Disorder")...Feelings of repugnance or sexual aversion "avoidance" in matters of sexual relations, genital contact or any form of sexual pleasure period. Although less repressed today with the compassionate help of a female sex-therapist who has helped me immeasurably rationalize my feelings concerning sexual aversion resultant of being raped.
Today the painful memories of being raped by two men and a woman
in the past still haunt my inner sanctum in struggling to secure peace. In asking myself in being a man, if it is worse being raped by a woman or men. Both inflict the same horrendous painfil stigma as far as I'm concerned. Indeed; this is a difficult subject. And not every male rape victim is forced to contemplate these issues. Anyways; I appreciate you gentlemen allowing me to add to this post. We are never alone in our personal suffering no matter how bad it seems to get. Lots of Love...Chris



Edited by jcf1957 (02/26/08 06:52 PM)
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