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#206602 - 02/21/08 02:30 PM Hello...it has been awhile...
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Hello to all my friends here. I have not been on much in the last few months. I have been doing very well and just needed a break. I am going to therapy once a week for 1 hour but it is really just some fine tuning - no meds or anything else. My wife and I are doing great, and job is going great, and I am back in college to finish my last 20 hours some 22 years later. I have not cut myself or done anything self-destructive in over 1 year.

Is it always easy - HELL NO! Is it possible - HELL YES!

"It's already too late for yesterday, and tommorrow is uncertain. Today, right now, is what matters." - ?

"It's never to late to live happily ever after." - ?

"Believe there are no limits but the sky." - Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes

"Not all who wander are lost." - David Thoreau

"Expect great things." - William Carey

"our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Now voyager, sail thou forth to seek and find." - Walt Whitman

Peace be with you -

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#206606 - 02/21/08 02:45 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: kellygtx]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Wow Kelly,
That is soo encouraging to hear. I wish more guys would come back and point to the light and confirm it is the end of the tunnel and not just another train. Thank you Thank you Thank you. GEEZ now I am crying again.

Thank you


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#206622 - 02/21/08 04:12 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: kellygtx]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
K,

Great to hear an update on you! Even better that its such a positive update! Thanks for letting us know.

I really like that quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson \:\)

~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#206624 - 02/21/08 04:18 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: frost]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Brian -

Thank you and it is good to hear from you and just see a post from you. I have found memories of many posts from you.

Namaste my friend.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#206635 - 02/21/08 06:23 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: kellygtx]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Look at all of those references. I can tell you've went back to college. I remember good ol' Emerson and Thoreau. Impressive. Welcome back. I know all about taking a break. It's needed at times. Good to hear your doing well.

Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#207348 - 02/25/08 03:59 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: endlessjourney]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

Good quotes, and nice to hear you're doing well, and back here when you can. I too have just come back after a few months' break.

Ed


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#207532 - 02/26/08 11:47 AM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: copenbay]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Kelly,
I have been thinking all week about your post and why it hit me so hard. I think I have an answer. It goes back a long time to when I first started to deal with my past. I remember saying to myself that I just wanted to fix this problem in my life an move on. I didnt' want to deal with this issue of sex related stuff any more that I absolutely had to. Sex has messed up my life so bad and I had such a feeling of guilt and shame it was almost like a 40 pound weight I was carring around. I said if I ever get through this I want nothing to do with sex addicts, sexual trauma or anything even remotely connected to sex and I never want it brought up again.

I think in the back of my mind that feeling/thought was still there. Your post came to me at a time I was feeling like it I was never going to end this recovery stuff. Like I had such a huge way to go and I would be doing this the rest of my life. I was a little bummed. Ok a lot bummed.

Then I hit your "just came back to say hi" post and I was so stunned that someone from the other side of this mountain I am climbing shouted back some encouragement.

It needed to hit me that way to realize what my progress might mean to someone else just starting this journey. I slowly realize how selfish I had been. Wanting to get "Mine" and then run away. Leaving those others to find there own way. Abandoning my fellow strugglers without a single backward glance.

It may not have been concious thought or verbalized but that is exactly what I was hoping to do. I am ashamed that I would be so selfish but honestly that is what deep down I thought.

Something nobel within me rebelled at that. My tears and joy and confusion led me to that part of me that still felt the shame and guilt. Still wanting to run from it.

I know that is not even remotely what you were going for when you posted this and I may be hijacking your post as they say here but I wanted to get this out. I want you and others to know that I am no longer ashamed of myself or of you all and our sturggles.

Even if I ever get to the place where I can dare to feel "cured", I am planning on being here for those that are still on their way and I will try to give hope and encouragement, and maybe even an answer if I have it for them. To help point the way over that mountain and light whatever path I may find. May not be much but I owe you all that that were there for me. Pay it forward as the saying goes.

Along this line and maybe because if it is the fact that my pastor whom I have disclosed to has asked to share my story at my chruch in an effort to raise awareness of the problem of CSA and to let people know where to find help and support. Something I have been very nervous about.

I feel ashamed that I have been so selfish as to have clung to that secret thought of just getting my "cure" and running away.
I understand there is no magic "cure" and that it is a process and I need to continue on it but that was secretly how I wished it would happen. I know, I know, don't even say it.

Well thanks for letting me dump my shame in your thread so maybe it will be burried and no one will see it. And thanks again for the post.



Edited by Freedom49 (02/26/08 12:00 PM)

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#207551 - 02/26/08 02:41 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: Freedom49]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Kelly, so glad to hear everything is going so well. You have been in my thoughts often.

Danny

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#207552 - 02/26/08 02:44 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: dannym]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Danny -

And I have thought of you often too my friend. Peace and Love your way.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#207562 - 02/26/08 03:12 PM Re: Hello...it has been awhile... [Re: Freedom49]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Thanks a lot for checking back in with us. It's inspiring, and god knows we could use that...

Originally Posted By: Freedom49
... just getting my "cure" and running away.

Well, that IS a well kept secret, and not at all how I see you acting here..

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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