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#206567 - 02/21/08 09:24 AM Chat room gripes!
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Until MS recently, I've never gotten into chatting on-line. Not enough "bandwidth" (too slow). However, I've really found the chat is a great addition to posting here. It adds a kind of face-to-face feeling or something. It's immediate. However, there are a few difficulties:

Let's stop the "Hit and runs" people.

People make a provocative remark and leave suddenly. In therapy and groups, that's called a hit and run. Like, right at the end of group or therapy, you say you've decided not to come back. When there's no time to discuss it, so everyone leaves feeling unresolved. Very manipulative. So people, could we not do that? Or try???? It's ok with me to leave unannounced if you've not been part of the conversation at all or for a good while. And crashes do happen. Nothing we users can do about that. But, no pity trips or parting shots. "I'm just too fucked up to be here." And boom. [pityboy has left the lounge]. Or, "I'm just boring you. Nobody cares" Slam. I don't want to care if you're going to treat me that way.

Ask for time and what you need and want, ok? Really. Let's try to learn/teach how to take care of yourself.

So you're having a fun ol' time with your buds and someone comes in and says, "I just found out I was SA as a child." Or whatever. Maybe you've got this intense little chat going when 5 new people walk in. Could we try to use the Survivor Support room more for this? Stuff naturally gets started in the lounge, which is fine, but maybe when there's something "serious" subject wise that comes up, we could move it to the Survivor Support room? It just doesn't work to be joking around while someone is in melt down. And I don't want to rain on anyones parade, because that is a really good thing too. Or, let us know when you're in the middle of something that you don't want to have interrupted. Or organize a private chat. Ask or offer. "Would someone talk privately with me? I've got a issue, or a problem, or minor crisis, or a major crisis to work out" A little idea of what you have to deal with would help.

What's the treehouse for?


And the Friends and Family room.

I guess this is the place to move to when it's that sort of conversation. Rather-- I just read that F&F are strickly supposed to be in here. So perhaps we should do that.




Edited by LandOfShadow (02/21/08 01:33 PM)
_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#206569 - 02/21/08 09:46 AM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
The treehouse is a "safe room" where people can go to if the main room discussion is too triggering for them.


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#206573 - 02/21/08 10:04 AM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: Dewey2k]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
The Treehouse also has a great view \:\)

Great post LoS, thanks for getting some dialogue going on this subject

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#206616 - 02/21/08 03:50 PM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: ineffable]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
great view, yeah - but the rope swing out over the pond is SO WAY KEWL!

m


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#206617 - 02/21/08 03:56 PM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: MarkK]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
'The Separatists' is not a very pleasant thing to name your own private chat room, in my thoughts. It happens very often, with the same name. It inplies that others who are not in that room are somehow not worthy, or have even done something wrong to trigger the creation of the room of that name. Certainly a different name could be used.

andrei


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#206638 - 02/21/08 06:35 PM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: ak]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Hi andrei

I admit the first time I saw that happen it irked me
But I think the name is meant to be a joke & calling a spud a spud
I also think it addresses a need in chat

Sometimes there are so many people in the Lounge & there are a few that always have a lot to say
Some could say that of me

Others seem to connect here on a different shared level than you or I may
So I understand those wanting to be amongst buds where they can shoot the shit

Also, if there was some way to identify to others (by icon) that you are having a private chat
Or even a separate private chat client
I'll admit I feel a little guilty if I engage in a private chat & I see men enter & leave because of the silence

But as it was put in a "session" today I may be a bit of a softie

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#206681 - 02/22/08 12:00 AM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: ineffable]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Different people have different vulnerabilities. If your man enough to admit to your own, then you should at the very least respect others on the chat-line having a difficult time expressing vulnerable issues. Thats just plain common dog sense. I fully support what LandOfShadow frustrations about some people who are unwittingly ignorant to a point of being downright cold. Strange how there are times when a new person enters the Lounge and no one even acknowledges their presence. Of course this doesn't happen all the time, but; to me it shouldn't even happen at all. It all comes down to mutual respect.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#206697 - 02/22/08 03:40 AM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: jcf1957]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
You can create a private room and then only invite those who what to discussion the issues at hand.


Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#206740 - 02/22/08 01:08 PM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: ak]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Originally Posted By: ak
'The Separatists' [...] It inplies that others who are not in that room are somehow not worthy, or have even done something wrong...

andrei


Sort of like a Healing Circle? Some are not worthy to be there too. What's the difference in that, besides the name? It's still a "separatists" group, in my mind.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#206751 - 02/22/08 02:54 PM Re: Chat room gripes! [Re: AndyJB2005]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Andy I have tried my hardest to make sure that when we start a new Healing Circle everyone knows about them and all can sign up. Below is some information on what the Healing Circles are all about.

Once the group is formed it becomes a closed group so that the guys can gain trust in each other and feel safe about sharing.

I would gladly help start a new circle any time there is an interest and someone comes forward to facilitate it in the beginning. I am willing to start as many circles as there is a need for but I need your guys help to accomplish that.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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