hi blueshift, i am new here, but i am very much involved in D&s
(aka BDSM) your story has touched me, and i feel for you. i think you have gotten some very good advise here and i just wanted to chime in as well.

some advise, imho: definatley take a break from bdsm and maybe all sex,that is till you have a chance to get your head together, deal with your abuse and repressed memories, talk to your T, etc,etc. D&s relationships are first and foremost
consentual. no matter what side of the paddle your on !
anyone who chooses to ignore this is being very iresponcible.
that being said i don't think there is anything wrong persay with b&d,s&m,D&s, whatever. everyone has a right to love and be loved. just like you!
play safe,play smart, and take care.

oh blue I'm so sorry that happened to you. Dump the dude. He let you down big time. There's a reason for safe words and in that he really betrayed your trust. S&M can be really triggering and scary. You have to be able to trust the person that your under and he clearly crossed the line. I hope you find a Dude or Chick worth your time.
I was once told that the Sub has all the power. I didn't really relize what he ment. I used to think that he ment the sub could always bite it off or something. Now i get it. In a real S&M session, where both parties play by the rules, The sub and the dom both fulfil each others needs, ususally the subs needs take more work. and the sub can always stop it with one word. thats the ideal. unfortuantly the ideal is not always met and that is unfortuant.

Blueshift,

First of all, I would like to say I am sorry this has happened to you.


Since my BDSM? post I have researched this subject, and there are several good books on this subject.

My T advised me, relationship first and sex (this includes BDSM)
second.

I believe this excellent advice (for anyone listening).

I am still in the building part of my relationship and continue to read books that teach me things like physically tapping out with my hand if neccessary. (IF I decide to persue this subject with my new girlfriend, w/love and trust in place). This new knowledge will help me.

Good advice run...Run to the library or a bookstore...!!!

As I type this please realize I am coming from the kinder,gentler,humbler side of myself. I want you to know this IS NOT: EGO DRIVEN, BETTER THAN, PREACHY TYPE OF ADVISE...NOT,NOT,NOT.

Knowledge is power. Power is protection. Protection keeps you safe.

Please...be carefull...!!!

island

so very very an answer Blue, but truely it's not. Look farther and look longer. It's the quick fix.

Do we have a quick fix? in the end, I know we don't. Yea, it suck's. But it is reality.

Loving you Brother
Stay strong
Mike

Doug,

I'm really sorry that man took advantage of you and abused you ((Doug)). You deserve so much better!!

It is interesting to hear you say that you thought the BDSM might be therapeutic. That thought had crossed my mind too. I had all sorts of ways to try to rationalize it. But every time I really came back to one question - am I just really trying to revictimize myself by reliving the abuse? I'd done this in the past with my choice in boyfriends.

I'm not saying I'd never do it, but I'm going to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons and with the right person first.

Michael

Ugh! I was trying to forget about this one. It's OK though. I probably needed to be reminded. I still talk to the guy but keep a distance.

I remember when I was writing about this and imagining how people must have pictured this friend I was talking about. I imagined people picturing his real personality as being like the one he wears when he's role playing, but outside of the BDSM role playing he's very sweet and unintimidating.

Nevertheless he is an extreme sadist and don't feel like I can trust his compassion to keep his sadism in check.

I guess I'm confused about what you are referring to as a quick fix, but if it's something to do with my relationship with the guy I was talking about in the post, I'm actually pretty satisfied with the way I handled it as far as where I'm at with him now. We are still friends, but he will have to earn back the trust I gave him before and it's probably going to take years if the relationship lasts that long.

Ok I am going to put my 2 cents in. being a dom and having fisted ppl it takes months and up to a year to get a person ready to be fisted. no matter if u have anal sex everyday. regardless or ur past he did not think that it would be fun for u even b4 u were in tears. he also could have caused perminate damage. Safe Sane Consensual needs to be what u and the dom go by.

toby

Yeah, I'm pretty well turned off for life now on that whole fisting thing. I might be a masochist but I'm still way too much of a pussy for that kind of thing! I've been shot in the lower abdomen too, and if I had to choose which of those two experiences to go through again, I'd only pick the fisting because the recovery wouldn't take as long!