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#207459 - 02/26/08 01:10 AM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: MemoryVault]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Exactly MV. Plus i think i'm burt out on the BDSM for a while...understandably i'm sure. I just want to be good to myself now.

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#208208 - 03/01/08 10:37 AM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: blueshift]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Well, now i'm a little confused again. But i think i know what my plan is. Well let me share sippets of a couple e mals---will edit out names.

----- Original Message ----
From: (Him)
To: (Me)
Sent: Monday, February 25, 2008 11:29:05 PM
Subject: Ok

Well I guess you are not taking any messages from me on myspace.
I really don't know what happened with communication yesterday. All I can say is I did call you after it became apparent to me you weren't here. Now if I did not want to spend time with you why would I have called you?






On Tue, Feb 26, 2008 at 7:45 PM, Doug wrote:


"Well I guess you are not taking any messages from me on myspace."

nope

" I really don't know what happened with communication yesterday."

Hmmm. If something "happened" i would think you would have looked into it by now
to find out what happened. But apparently, you either don't consider all possible means of contacting you simultaneously malfunctioning somehow to be a problem, or you already know that what happened had nothing to do with those things.

"All I can say is I did call you after it became apparent to me you weren't here."

Yup, i guess that's all you can say.

"Now if I did not want to spend time with you why would I have called you?"

Before we get to THAT question, let's go back and deal with a few questions that I'm much more interested in. First, do you actually expect me to believe that you didn't hear #1 your entry sentry, #2 your land line, and #3 your cell phone, all at a time where you were EXPECTING me to arrive?? Next, why did you wait until 9:20 to call me - almost 2 and a half hours later?? Trust me ... by that point, there wasn't any point in calling me. So ... "... why would I have called you?" Here's a couple questions for you: Who knows? and Who cares? lol

xoxo

Doug


Then when i was sure it was all over and felt sad but good at the same tiime he wrote...

" Yes the door sentry is through the telephone not hardwired. My phone settings were screwed up and that was my fault for forgetting to change them back after that phone call.

Doug I really like and am so SORRY. WE bothare dealing with shit that sometimes distorts our perception. The call I received that I had to change the phone settings for was to report a theft.
As far as the answer to your question: "Who knows?" I got involved in a computer and lost track of time and after I conquered the world I looked at the clock and saw the time.
Furthermore in answer to your question "Who Cares?" I do care, for if I did not give a shit I would not be trying to contact you."


To wich i wrote;

On Tue, Feb 26, 2008 at 11:34 PM, Douglas wrote:

Well i feel differently now. That was the kind of explanation and the kind of apology that allows me to understand and forgive. I'm sorry for reacting the way i did. It occurs to me that you could have avoided that reaction had you explained all this to me earlier, though i suppose you might not have quite figured it all out yet, but that's not important at this point. What is, is that it's much more clear to me now that you do really care about me, and knowing that means a lot.

I'll admit that part of my reaction was also to the way you had gone about fisting me that night and how you handled my reaction, and i think we'll need to get together and talk about that. That too though, or at least part of it, i feel differently about now that i know you weren't just BSing me about not hearing the phones and buzzer. Since i had assumed you were lying about that, i felt your claim that you didn't hear the safe word was also suspect.

But at this point, i'm thinking that the only problem involved may be that both of us may need to be a little more careful about how we go about our BDMS play---maybe spending a little more time establishing agreements that will prevent things like hurt butt holes and hurt feelings. There is a lot to know about BDMS as far as making it feel safe and fun for those concerned, and i don't know about you, but i have not really delved into the methodology, but i have the impression that the BDSM community has developed and established a lot of helpful rules and guidelines toward the goal of helping people do it in a way that minimizes the possibilities of things going wrong such as did that night, and i, for one, plan to get myself a lot more educated on all that.

One problem that stands out in my mind is that the word "iguana", though easy to recognize if spoken clearly, may not be the best word to be able to speak clearly if one's speaking ability is compromised by reaction to pain. This lesson was learned the hard way, but i think that's why there is (as i understand it) a lot of methodology that has already been established in BDSM for the purpose of preventing people like you and me from finding things like that out the hard way.

But we can discuss that at length next time we're together, but for now, suffice it to say that all is forgiven and only warm feelings remain. Let me know when you would like me to come out again...just don't forget to set that phone!!!
Hugs!,
Doug

He wrote:

" WOW that response was well thought out...I am still digesting it."

Me: On Wed, Feb 27, 2008 at 9:28 AM, Doug wrote:

Well, if anything gives you indigestion, let me know, and i'll clarify/expound/rephrase or whatever.


**********end of emails**********************

There have been a couple more (emails) between us, but not relavent
to anything...no mention of my concerns...I have been invited over, i plan to either have a pointed discussion with him about his BDSM expectations or leave and call it quits. I need to know if he's really someone who cares about me or just wants to go like those before who's sadism came first.

We'll see how it turns out..




























--
Hate me if you want to; Love me if you can.



Edited by blueshift (03/02/08 10:53 AM)
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#208225 - 03/01/08 12:03 PM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: blueshift]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Well Blue, just kinda of going with my gut feeling here.

I just can't help but feel like a lot of "weasel words" are coming out of this guys mouth. It just "feels" manipulative the way things are going with him. "Iguana" as a safe word, jeez talk about finding the hardest word to say in such a situation. To me coming up with that word just seems like alot of thought went into it and none of that thinking was for you're benefit.

Hey Blue, I'm just saying to you what my gut is saying to me okay. I'm no expert that's for sure.

Please just be careful with this guy okay, you came to this site for a reason and maybe you need the advice I got, hang around here for awhile and when you've straightened out more of "this" stuff you could go back and then look at that stuff.

Worried
Mike

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#208229 - 03/01/08 12:27 PM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: blueshift]
Scoutvictim Offline
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Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Doug,

Wow, the lack of relevant e-mail from "Him", sends up a major red flag for me. I think you should just write out another "well thought out" e-mail. In it you should let "Him" know, you are running for the hills.

It is painfully obviuos he is only looking to keep you for his gain, and doesn't care for your feelings.

You need people who care about you and your feelings in your life.

BTW... you may want to do another edit to the above post. In the title of your last e-mail to "Him", you give a little to much info about yourself. I'm not sure if that is a good idea in this forum. Since it is an "Open to the Public" forum, you may want to be careful.

Good Luck, and run from "Him" as fast as you can.

Luv ya,
Carl

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Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#208447 - 03/02/08 11:51 AM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: Scoutvictim]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Thanks for the heads up, Scout! I totally missed that! Fixed now. Whew! Thought i'd got all those kind of things edited out, but i was pretty trired.

Yea, i would have thought maybe he would have returned a thought or two in reply to my thoughts...but i'm getting the feeling he does'nt like me having my own thoughts on that subject.

I still need to test him a little more and see if he's really more sadist than compassionate person...if he doesn't want to talk about playing right, and/or minimizes the subject in any way, then he's looking at a lot of lonely nights with his spanking vids and a box of kleenex.

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#208449 - 03/02/08 11:56 AM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: blueshift]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
You shouldn't have to "test" anyone Blue, that alone tell's me run run run.

There should be no tests just "knowing"

Stay strong
Mike

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#208452 - 03/02/08 12:02 PM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: mogigo]
Scoutvictim Offline
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Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
I agree with Mike.

You have given him enough chances to show that he cares.

RUN for the hills!

Luv ya,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#210013 - 03/11/08 02:38 AM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: Scoutvictim]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Last i talked to him, he said he was on his way to see his "shrink".
Haven't heard from him since...(on the advice of his shrink?)..that works.
If i do hear from him i will tell him that i need to see my shrink before any more play happens.

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#210015 - 03/11/08 03:46 AM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: blueshift]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Blueshift,

Remember that you get to set YOUR boundries. It's YOUR life and YOUR body.

Take back the control!!!

Luv ya,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#210052 - 03/11/08 10:41 AM Re: Blueshift's S&M booboo. [Re: Scoutvictim]
VLinvictus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 273
Loc: NY
Good for you, Blueshift!

That sounds like a good plan.

Remember that we're here if you need us!

Dan

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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
~ Oscar Wilde

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