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#206424 - 02/20/08 07:00 PM A laugh for the ladies!
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
I know this belongs in off topic. But I wanted you ladies to read it as you need a laugh. one of my wifes great nieces in the Philippines sent this email to us.

Think before you speak...



Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:


I walked int o a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."


THIRD TESTIMONY:


My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. < BR>I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:


While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when
the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants,
bent over,
spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Hope you ladies enjoyed this!
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#206461 - 02/20/08 08:59 PM Re: A laugh for the ladies! [Re: lostcowboy]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Clifford,

Thank you so much. I laughed out loud all three times I read these. You know, my day was totally for shit. Things definitely improved since I got home; now I'm getting ready to crash after my hard day and I'll be putting myself to sleep with laughter. Thank you!

ROCK ON..........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#206471 - 02/20/08 09:37 PM Re: A laugh for the ladies! [Re: Trish4850]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
That was great thanks for the laugh.


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#206480 - 02/20/08 10:04 PM Re: A laugh for the ladies! [Re: Freedom49]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Reminds me of some of the embarrassing moments of my life! I will NOT share the details, but needless to say....... Damn, if it weren't for people who would we laugh at, eh? \:D

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#206532 - 02/21/08 02:13 AM Re: A laugh for the ladies! [Re: WalkingSouth]
LittleMissL Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 42
Thank you, that was funny!

I once had a sort of embarrassing moment like that at work. Phones were ringing off the hook so I am picking them up and putting them on hold as quickly as I can saying "Dispatcher So and So, can you hold please"

Finally got the calls on hold and went back to start taking the calls and I pick up the first line and say "Dispatch, how can I hold you"...oops!!!!! The other dispatcher I was working with still likes to tease me about that day.


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#206555 - 02/21/08 08:51 AM Re: A laugh for the ladies! [Re: LittleMissL]
Amalia Offline


Registered: 05/09/07
Posts: 1
Loc: NY, NY
Laughter is food for the soul.

Thank you.


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