Newest Members
RepressedMem, jet_step, JimHouston42, GKB, MorganWut
12468 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
AndyP (48), Gaius (50), JoziSA (52), mmafan66 (48), nltsaved (36), RMM (52), Steve63 (51), zenboy (51)
Who's Online
3 registered (woodenshoes, Sonata1, petercorbett), 23 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12468 Members
74 Forums
64031 Topics
446842 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#205917 - 02/18/08 06:10 PM Lack of support and understanding
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I have discovered recently that some people just don't get it.
Someone that I thought understood does not.
I am saddened that the some people who talk of love and friendship treat others this way and are not being supportive. It's nobody here on this site, its others who were in my life that only knew part of the story. Now they know the rest of the story and its like I'm on trial or something. There is a "HOW COULD YOU HAVE DONE THIS TO ME" attitude. WTF is up with that? Maybe it's just time to let these people go from my life.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

Top
#205921 - 02/18/08 06:31 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Gate,
Your absolutely right. People who should get it, who we really want/need to get it sometimesa are the hardest to get it if at all. I agree you may have to just write them off for a while and move on. That is what I had to do and eventually one or two did come around after the got over the "why are you doing this to me" thing.


Top
#205983 - 02/18/08 11:21 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: Freedom49]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I know that sometime, the people who are closest with us sometime will take knowing of these kind of things badly. When first I told my parents of it, they did not deal with it good, and it took a long time, many months, before we could work it out to better understand each other, and it was still over a year before I could really get good support from them. They are good people, I have had a loving family, they just had a very hard time dealing with what had happened to me. It do not always mean that you will not get the support from them, just that it maybe take some more time.

andrei


Top
#207349 - 02/25/08 04:04 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: ak]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

I can echo what you've said. Many people don't understand, and some of those who have been close to us, worst of all, don't even try. I have a few friends who know where I'm coming from, and where I've been, and love me anyway. Sometimes that's not my family, though, and not those who were my friends in the past. As long as there's something to move on to, though, it's worth it.

Ed


Top
#207358 - 02/25/08 04:35 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: copenbay]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Gatekeeper . If this person is truely your friend they will still be your friend . this will not affect the friendship
When things get hard . You find out who does care about you

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top
#207373 - 02/25/08 06:59 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: OKIE MIKE]
jf Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 54
yea i've had the same response from the closest people in my life. a lot of them have turned their backs on me. it's like they're waiting for me to come back to my old self. but to myself i think that this is the real me. so if you can't accept me please don't look at me like you're looking at your watch waiting for this new broken person to go away.


Top
#207392 - 02/25/08 07:56 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: jf]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Rick,

I am sorry that some people are responding that way to you. It is hard when you are counting one someone's support and they act as if they were the vicitim.

I had an e-mail conversation with Ken Singer a number of months ago and I was asking him about disclosing my CSA to my sister, who is the only member of my family still alive, other than my wife and kids. He told me I have to ask myself why I am disclosing this to her or for that matter anyone else. Does she/they really need to know? What was I trying to acheive by doing this? At the time I was kind of puzzled by that...I was at the point in my recovery where I felt I needed to to tell everyone about my abuse; as if it was going to change everything or correct all the wrongs in my life. But in retrospect, I can see why he said that. You can't count on getting the response that you desire from other people who are close to you. Sometimes it can be more damaging and painful to tell someone then it is not telling them.

I feel for you and can see how this has effected you. Hang in there and hold your head high. You have come so far...Hopefully in time, those who have disappointed you will come around.

With warm regards,

Dan


Top
#207407 - 02/25/08 08:42 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: DanM]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rick,

I have had mostly good experiences with disclosing, but yes, sometimes it just doesn't work out. I think relatives can be especially hard to handle if they get all indignant and start fretting about what your news will do to the reputation of the family ... as if that is important and you are not.

Andrei makes the good point that some people just take time, and to that I will add that social awareness of CSA is still pretty poor. People just don't know what to say, or even what to think, when they hear the news. It's a real struggle for them, and if they are badly embarrassed that can come across in a very negative way.

But if you feel that some people are just plain toxic, then sure, write them out of your life and leave it up to them to make changes. Your plate is already full enough - you don't need the burden of coping with someone else's selfishness.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#207414 - 02/25/08 08:59 PM Re: Lack of support and understanding [Re: roadrunner]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thanks for the input guys its been a great help. I felt my reasons were just and honest. The people I disclosed to are not so much part of my life now. My sons mother is the one that bothered me the most and is the one who had the problem.
Coming from a highly dysfunctional family and marrying an alcoholic/drug addict I believe she has her own issues to deal with. But I thought it was only fair she knew the truth. At first the disclosure was a positive experience. Then she saw the survivor film I made and lost it totally. I blocked her from my space so I don't get any more email rants about how its all about her. My family though has been extremely supportive and are glad that the truth of what happened to their Ricky they loved so dearly. They can see the true me coming back and it has been over all a good change.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.