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#334445 - 06/22/10 08:18 PM Re: "symptom" Question [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
usmc97,

First of all let me say that I believe you. You describe things that are happening in your life, damage to your body, etc. I would have been a skeptic except for a session I sat through in NYC at the MaleSurvivor Conference two months ago.

One of the seminars I attended was presented by a man named Robert Oxnam. Former president of the Asia Society, he organized, among other things, Financial/Cultural tours of China for Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and former President George H. W. Bush. He is also the author of a book titled "A Fractured Mind".

In the Seminar and in the book he described awaking from deep sleep to find his body burned, bruised, and otherwise injured, a condition he had not been in when he fell asleep. He described things that happened to him that for many years were completely unexplainable. They caused him great concern, worry, and shame, as well as caused him to seek the numbing relief in addictive behaviors.

You might visit your local bookstore or Amazon.com and order a copy of the book. Perhaps within you may find some of the answers to the frustrations you face.

You deserve some answers, Friend. I hope you are able to find them.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#334459 - 06/23/10 01:37 AM Re: "symptom" Question [Re: WalkingSouth]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
There is nothing in common with the guy mentioned from the conference you attended. I DO NOT have Multiple Personalities a.k.a. D.I.D. I have never had an addiction or used any substance to alter my mind. I have soberly had to go through this stuff without any habitual or behavioral "acting out". I DO NOT do anything to damage myself consciously or unconsciously.

So much of what I hear in response seems to question my sanity and integrity. That is why the few who say they believe me don't counterbalance the majority who come to their conclusions. That doubt is what has me in the place where evidently " I do not exist".

I hope that my frustration shows but that it don't offend.

It's so hard to not be listened to word for word, and to not be accepted or understood. Please try not to compare or have me look toward folks like this who have no similarities to what I've been saying all these years. I am not stupid and have done everything to investigate what these things are and what, if anything, is possible that can help me.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#334460 - 06/23/10 01:56 AM Re: "symptom" Question [Re: usmc97]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
usmc97,

You have asked to be listened to. I hear you. Tho I do not understand, I believe you as I'm sure many of your brothers here do. I think the question that would be good for all of us to ask is this, "What do you need from us?" Tho we cannot be there in person to support we'd like to be able to support in whatever way we can in this text medium. What is it that would be most helpful that might be in our power to provide?

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#334462 - 06/23/10 03:04 AM Re: "symptom" Question [Re: WalkingSouth]
BigV Offline


Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 63
usmc97, I believe you, completely. If you say you're experiencing this, then you are, and your sanity is not in question. No further explanation is required.

Please, try to have patience with your brothers, here, people are asking for explanations in the hopes that an explanation will help them to help you. But if I understand what you've been saying, you are simply asking that we understand the uniqueness of your experiences. I will not attempt to debate that with you, they are your experiences; if you say so, then they are unique. That is for you, and only you to know, understand, and assert.

I will not attempt to force conformity on this sense of self you have; it does not have to fit in with what we all think we understand. I could think of a million things that it might be, but that's not what you're asking for, so I won't attempt to analyze what you have said.

Being judged, or having your experiences judged in any way is obviously not going to help you, at least I don't think it will.

So you know your body has these residual marks and bruises, your mind has the faint memories, the sense of people, men in the room, and so fourth. If that's all you can and want to say for now, that's fine. And I won't claim to know exactly what it is like to have your experiences; I have no right to say that.

usmc97, I don't know if I have this right, or if I understand you, but I am not going to judge you, expect you to make logical sense, or to give sensible explanations. The thing is that what you've said DOES make sense. It's like nothing I've heard of, or experienced, but you are making sense. Personal experiences can be incredibly frustrating to put into words, especially when they defy the logic of others.

The only thing I'd like to encourage you to do is to keep writing and posting. Please keep doing so, regardless of how rational or irrational you think it might seem to others.


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#334464 - 06/23/10 05:09 AM Re: "symptom" Question [Re: BigV]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
It's like there is this urge for me to exhaust all avenues. I have always been a problem solver which did me very well in the military. From the start I sought help by using every means available. Back then I never thought things could be this bad, back then I could have related to others here very easily, but very quickly it turned into this stuff. I have fought and fought and fought to try to battle through all of this and haven't gotten anywhere.

In asking questions and describing things it is partially having to try and release what I feel I'm expected to keep silent about. In some ways I've sought to try and find that I'm not alone and that there really is somekind of hope... I get told all the time "you're can't be the only one" but when it comes down to it that seems like a lie. The same goes with "there's always hope", it's like a stalling tactic. I never claimed to be worse than anybody.... just honestly different.

My friends closest to me I just want as much time with them as I can get. I feel safe with them, that's my relief, nothing comes close to that.

On here I don't want to feel like I have to prove and defend everything. If I don't stay within the confines of things it's like I'm ousted from being acceptable. If I lie and say things just to fit in then what's it worth? I'm sorry I don't relate to very much but I can't force it.

My doctor and friends have come to tell me at times that I am not like other people.... in a good way for some things and then an awful way in that my reality seems so hard to understand or accept. It's left me pretty deprived in getting the relief and medical attention that I need. It also makes for having to try and maintain things in the gap of what can be provided.

It does take a certain amount of faith to believe me and trust in my sanity. If all could see me as the Marine I am and always have that in consideration, it would make for an easier understanding and faith in my integrity.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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