Having trouble working out why I would be attracted to men over women - of the 3 signifigant males in my life growing up, one used me like I was his very own toilet bowl, one used me like I was his personal plaything and the other fucked with my mind for fun -

I realize now that for most of my life I have been scared of men & what they could do to me ... it just makes no sense to me why that attraction is there !!!

All I can say, Arron is that you're not unusual. There are unnumerable straight men out there who have been mistreated by women in their lives and yet don't think twice about their attraction to women... Like you, they must realize that not all people are like our perps. We could discuss all day why some people are straight and others are gay, (in fact there have been lots of posts here on that very subject) but physical attraction is what it is.

Best of luck to you,

Lazarus

Arronb,
I think that when the strong chemical and emotional and physical feelings surrounding sex that are designed to help us bond to who we are having sex with come into play even during a bad experience it is very difficult for the mind to unconnect that pleasure center with the experience. We naturally want to stimulate that pleasure center int he brain because it wants the chemical release again and again. This can be retrained but taked time due to the strong connection. Just my opinion based on what I have read of the brain chemistry.

Thanks for your responses ...

Feel free to tell me I am full of crap LOL After a lifetime of not questioning stuff I am full of nothing but lately (questions not crap, but I suppose that's debatable too LOL)

I don't question if I am gay or straight, because right now I am nothing, sure I am attracted to some men but I do not act on it, no label for that except for sad bastard LOL
Once upon a time, in a drugged and boozed euphoric state it didn't matter where the sex came from, just as long as it did & I didn't have to think about.

You are right, there are lots of posts about this, I've read them all, I've taken what I can from them, still got questions though, like why am I attracted to scary men , am I in some way looking to re-create, am I just looking for someone to denigrate me or is it that I am looking for the right thing in the wrong place.

I know this makes no sense to someone who has already settled their mind but as I said I am questioning everything lately. My goal is to once again have a healthy sex live, but I don't need to wake up the next morning thinking about why someone is in my bed (see I am ready, I'm willing to let them stay the night already LOL).
Maybe I should forget these questions and work on acceptance, the need to accept what is just because it is.