I wanted to say something here, but wasn't sure exactly what to say. I think what endlessjourney has said makes perfect sense in letting your friends know how you feel about sharing and your fear that you are dumping too much on them. If you let them know that it is okay for them to tell you when it is too much, it might be easier to share stuff. If you ask them how your sharing makes them feel, you might even find out that it isn't as bad for them as you think, because the pain I would think is really much more real for you since they were not the one's who experienced what you are talking about. No guarantees of course, but possible. Anyway, no matter what, I think it is good you are sharing here and reaching out, because sitting on depression alone and other difficult emotions can be really painful and makes them harder to deal with. Like I have seen others say here, keep strong and no matter how untrue it seems at times, I think there is always someone somewhere willing to lend a hand or an ear; at the very least I know from what I have seen of this place that you can always reach out here.