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#205784 - 02/17/08 09:47 PM pain of depression
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i've heard depression hurts.
if the pain i'm feeling is depression, then i don't know how anybody deals with it.
i feel like i've WAY overextended myself on my friends - what few i have i value too much to keep dumping on but i don't know where else to turn.
i'm 52, not 6. i may feel like 6 but the fact is i am NOT a child. i should be able to deal with this. but when i look at my life, at the way i feel - i FEEL like i'm 6. i'm scared and alone.
but i'm not alone. not really. there are people here. but there were people there then too - and that didn't help either.
i feel like i'm making no sense. just rambling on and on.
i've never felt so lost.

_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#205805 - 02/18/08 12:22 AM Re: pain of depression [Re: MarkK]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Perhaps you could tell your friends that you feel as if you're dumping too much emotional baggage. At least you'll know their reaction and they'll know your being careful not to over load them. It seems that friends that care enough to listen in the first place are happy to listen. It's hard to ask for someone else's help. Society teaches us that men should be "independant". It is actually harder on us to ask for help than it is to give it.

I know about that feeling of being a young boy. When I have a manager criticize me over something at work. I feel like I was when I was six. Like I'm going to get grounded or paddled or something. Feeling like a child while being a grown man carries a lot of shame with it. However, that shame is irrational because it's not our fault. Those feelings just come back. That is a phemomena I still struggle with as well.

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#205809 - 02/18/08 12:48 AM Re: pain of depression [Re: endlessjourney]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
Mark,

I wanted to say something here, but wasn't sure exactly what to say. I think what endlessjourney has said makes perfect sense in letting your friends know how you feel about sharing and your fear that you are dumping too much on them. If you let them know that it is okay for them to tell you when it is too much, it might be easier to share stuff. If you ask them how your sharing makes them feel, you might even find out that it isn't as bad for them as you think, because the pain I would think is really much more real for you since they were not the one's who experienced what you are talking about. No guarantees of course, but possible. Anyway, no matter what, I think it is good you are sharing here and reaching out, because sitting on depression alone and other difficult emotions can be really painful and makes them harder to deal with. Like I have seen others say here, keep strong and no matter how untrue it seems at times, I think there is always someone somewhere willing to lend a hand or an ear; at the very least I know from what I have seen of this place that you can always reach out here.

Eric


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#205812 - 02/18/08 12:52 AM Re: pain of depression [Re: endlessjourney]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
Mark, Depresion is something that I deal with every day . The pain that comes with depresion . Is not Like smashing your finger . It is a pain that opreses the soul of a person. Some days You just don't give a shit . One of the nthings that You seem to feel is . It is hard to keep your mind focused.
I wish that I knew how to lift this burden for you. Try and go out in the sun when you can . this helps me

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#205831 - 02/18/08 06:06 AM Re: pain of depression [Re: OKIE MIKE]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
mark------------------i hear you------------------steve


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#205930 - 02/18/08 07:10 PM Re: pain of depression [Re: sabata]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
one big problem is i don't know how to tell my friend how much he means to me because it never sounds right - and guys don't have close friends and yadda yadda yadda all the other garbage i was force fed growing up.

it's always been safer to not say anything rather than take the chance of losing someone.

i have no idea how to cross that bridge.

M


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