I am waking up.
I do not know where I am.
I do not know who I am.
I cannot remember what happened.
I cannot tell you what time it is.
Alert oriented x0
My doctor tells me I have been wounded.
I was a prisoner of Evil
Trying to escape “Am I a soldier?”
“You were, and you will be again
when you heal”. He says

Good and Evil are at war.
Good wants to nurture, protect,
And allow for growth.
To strengthen.
Evil want to kill, steal and destroy.
I was captured by evil.
It tried to destroy me.
Good has rescued me and helped me survive
When I am well. I will rescue others
I will help them survive.

Roger,

I like the image of "waking up". It's so appropriate. I remember talking to my T about this feeling of not knowing who or where I am in the world. What I learned in my case was that as I began to face things I also began to shed the bad feelings and ideas I had held for so long about myself. And there was so much of that in my head that pretty soon there wasn't much about myself that I believed anymore. It was time to shift to rebuilding, but for awhile, wow, it was strange walking around in a state of more or less total confusion about myself. I wonder if this is what you are going through.

Much love,
Larry

Thanks Larry and yes that was the feeling. Total disorientation. What about my life was real or just what I believed?

Roger,

Just to pursue this a bit, I actually got to the point (after 2 years of abuse) that the only thing in my life that was real was the abuse. Everything else was all pretending to be a normal kid, hiding, lying, etc., while meanwhile my body wasn't even listening to me. When the abuser showed up again I even felt grateful, because now I didn't have to wonder when the next time would be.

A screwed up sense of "real", sure, but hey, is there anything a kid continues to see clearly when he's being hurt like this?

Much love,
Larry