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#205456 - 02/16/08 09:24 AM Constantly looking for the next fix.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Anyone ever feel like they are constantly looking for the next big fix, like "If I could just get that loan paid off, or a bigger house or better job," I would be so happy.

I feel like I am on constant alert for progression. I read something on a codependent site that said; "If you can't be happy now what makes you think you can be happy if, this thing or event occurs." Paraphrased of course but it rings true for me. I have a hard time with the present, seem to be looking towards the future for my happiness.

Currently I am trying to sell my house and move into a larger home, it needs some work too. This is the norm for me, I seem to be attracted to fixer uppers. It's like I need to be doing something which I don't think is a bad thing but I also think that there is a cut off, a rest period as well.


Anyone else experience these things?



Edited by John Oarc (02/16/08 01:54 PM)
_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#205459 - 02/16/08 10:31 AM Re: I constantly looking for the next fix. *DELETED* [Re: John Oarc]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


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#205493 - 02/16/08 02:02 PM Re: I constantly looking for the next fix. [Re: awakening]
GuyD2006 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 20
Loc: Louisiana
I can totally relate. I have been trying a concept called "Mindfulness". Just google the word MINDFULNESS and check it out or go to http://www.jimhopper.com/mindfulness

Also the book "The Power Of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.


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#205543 - 02/16/08 06:43 PM Re: Constantly looking for the next fix. [Re: John Oarc]
BMF Offline


Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Toronto
Hi John,

I have been doing the same thing. I even moved countries a couple of times in order to progress in my career. I have wondered if it isn't due to the dissociation one goes through during abuse, wishing my life away, being somewhere else, not being in the present, etc... It almost feels like "settling" for what I have is almost like giving up. I'm trying not to do it anymore. I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I could have spent more quality time with my wife and kids.

BMF

_________________________
If a man's character is to be abused, say what you will, there's nobody like a relation to do the business.
- William Makepeace Thackery

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#205549 - 02/16/08 07:28 PM Re: Constantly looking for the next fix. [Re: BMF]
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I just did some inner child work, writing to my little guy and if you have ever tried it you know what I'm talking about when I say it is very cool and strange at the same time.

I came to some good conclusions though; the little kid in me is still scared, he never got over the thought of being killed for telling on the sex offender. I became so serious after the abuse, I quit thinking like an 8 year old I had more serious things to think about. Like, who knew and would everyone think I was strange now that I have been with a man. Would everyone think I was gay. That was a big thing back then, kids would use queer or gay as a put down and in the deep south it was not a good thing to be labled gay. I mean no harm and I am not using these terms negatively, its just what I experienced as a kid so please don't think anything about this if you are homosexual.

Anyway, the 8 year old in me never got over it or let go until alcohol moved into the picture in my teens. Thats the only way he could enjoy life and live without fear. Now I don't drink and he can't explore or have fun so I am trying to fix that by working this out in my mind.

The funny thing about this is a verse in the Bible; it says you must become like a child or something like that in regards to eternal life. I find it strange that I am trying to become like a child again and I am doing it because I am at the end of my rope. I get no great satisfaction from alcohol, sex or porn, really nothing brings me joy, like I've used it all up and nothing works anymore. I know this means I am at a pivotal point in the process now.

I must be happy with me and the only way that is going to happen is if I let the little guy out to play. Protect him I will, let him run and play I will, I am going to let him run free just as soon as I can muster up some more strength to continue this inner child workbook.

I just thought of something, I always try to present myself as doing good, I have done it most of my life. I want to give that up now and say that I am not okay right now, I think by saying it here it helps me to let go of the superman mentality, control, and everything else. I am not superman, I don't have all the answers, I'm not as strong as I pretend to be and I truly feel okay letting you guys know that.

Thanks guys,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#205635 - 02/17/08 08:15 AM Re: Constantly looking for the next fix. [Re: John Oarc]
BMF Offline


Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Toronto
What does "inner child work" entail? I have a feeling I would benefit greatly from this sort of thing. I find myself wishing that I could cut my inner child out from me. It feels like my inner child has been working against me, and I find it difficult to accept it when my wife tells me that I should thank my inner child for getting me this far.

_________________________
If a man's character is to be abused, say what you will, there's nobody like a relation to do the business.
- William Makepeace Thackery

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#205671 - 02/17/08 10:21 AM Re: Constantly looking for the next fix. [Re: BMF]
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
BMF,

I'm at the point of writing to him, you write back and forth to each other, the inner child uses the non dominent hand, the adult uses the dominent hand. I thought it would be nothing to it but it had me in tears within the first session.

I would suggest that you have a T on hand when starting this work. I have been a little wired out while doing this, i.e. it's not easy. I put it off for some time out of fear, I think I really did not want to confront him. When I wrote him I apologized for not getting with him sooner and he, just like an 8 year old would, was just happy to talk, did not blame me for waiting so long. The big thing to me, made me cry; he felt responsible for my pain, my mistakes, and apologized. I realized that he still felt responsible. An 8 year old having to carry all that shame and guilt, its a wonder I'm still functioning at all after 30 plus years.

The other thing I find remarkable is the protection, I vowed to protect him from now on and I am becoming very strong in how I let others treat me and how I react to it.


Love it,


I hope this helps BMF,


The book I'm using is titled Recovery of Your Inner Child
By Lucia Capacchione

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#205756 - 02/17/08 06:50 PM Re: Constantly looking for the next fix. [Re: John Oarc]
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I got the below statement from this website;

http://joy2meu.com/Innerchildhealing.html


"The one who betrayed us and abandoned and abused us the most was ourselves. That is how the emotional defense system that is Codependence works. The battle cry of Codependence is "I'll show you - I'll get me.""


I can relate.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#205820 - 02/18/08 01:25 AM Re: Constantly looking for the next fix. [Re: John Oarc]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Great post. I'm going to try that exercise. I have talked to my inner child and spent time with him in different ways. Meditation usually helps me. Good post.

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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