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#205323 - 02/15/08 01:30 PM Staying safe with triggery films
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I recently had a terrible experience that I thought I should share with everyone. I was sitting with my wife looking through what's on the TV and we hit upon this film called "Them", which seemed to be a suspense whodunit kind of thing. So we sat down to watch.

What a mistake! It turned out to be a French film about a gang that killed a couple in their rural isolated home some years ago. Apparently for some hours before that the two had been terrorized and hunted from room to room through the house, with the gang members never speaking a word and only allowing themselves to be seen in quick fleeting glances.

As soon as I saw what the film was going to be like it began to bother me. I was never abused in my own home, but this film recalled to me the feelings of fear and sometimes terror that I felt as a result of four years of feeling absolutely unsafe anywhere.

What I should have done, I now see, was to get up and walk away, or else ask my wife if we could watch something else. Instead I thought okay, now I need to see it through to the end, and of course it just got worse and worse. By the end I felt like a real basket case. I was okay the next day, but it was a sobering experience and I know that not so long ago this would have been a huge setback for me - even though the film had nothing to do with abuse issues.

So just a word of caution: if you're watching something and you start to feel uncomfortable about it, it's probably not a bad idea to just get away from it right then and there. Better the awkwardness of a moment than having to struggle for who knows how long with unwanted images and the boiling up of old feelings.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#205346 - 02/15/08 04:04 PM Re: Staying safe with triggery films [Re: roadrunner]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Larry,
Boy do I know that feeling. I have even gotten up in the theater and walked out to the lobby and just ate popcorn till it was over and my friends or family emerged and we left. Some films and shows definately can take you where you don't want or shouldn't go.


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#205366 - 02/15/08 07:06 PM Re: Staying safe with triggery films [Re: Freedom49]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Larry, I can tell you from your wife's perspective that had you said let's watch something else, she would not have thought twice about it. This is something my b/f has only recently learned; it took a while for him to really believe me when I said it was more than OK to change the channel. Now we're both very aware of what shows up on a TV show or a movie.

When all else fails, there's always wrestling *ugh* or Judge Judy *yeah*


ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#205453 - 02/16/08 08:51 AM Re: Staying safe with triggery films [Re: Trish4850]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trish,

Thanks for that point, which I should have made clear. After the film finished my wife asked me what's wrong, and when I told her she said something like "Well why didn't you say something?" So it's back to the point you are making, about needing to learn to ask for what we need.

This case was a bit more complicated than that, since what I was thinking was also that if I watched the film right through to the end that would be better for me - I would get to see how the whole mess is resolved. WRONG!!!! Remember Psycho?

Much shuddering,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#205454 - 02/16/08 08:58 AM Re: Staying safe with triggery films [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Roger,

What you did was exactly right. Fuck what others think. If you find a film is running you through the ringer, then just get away from it if you're in a cinema, or if you're with someone and it's on the TV just ask if we can watch something else. Almost any real friend or partner will be glad you spoke up. I mean, come on ... is there any such thing as something important on television? Apart from Warner Brothers cartoons, CSI and Judge Judy?

What's really curious about this is that I remember when I was growing up, my parents would both immediately say so if what was on the tube was something they didn't want to watch. After awhile we all knew what Mom and Dad wouldn't be up for, and those programs or films we just didn't watch. It was okay.

Well, there we go - learn something new every day I guess. It's about time I picked up on that example - from 40 years ago!! \:D

Much slow learning,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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