Eventually I will have to dwell with who I am
Not how I am reflected in others' eyes
Who I was before
But "before" was so early
One, maybe two
And yet, there was a brief before
A child, born who he was
Changed so early on
Hidden from a life he could not understand
How strange to try to find him now
How strange to try to define my new self in a baby so quickly gone
So quick to hide himself away
And yet, I must......know him
Who he was......before he wasn't anymore
And accept myself, when others will surely find that difficult
For, in my fear of life, I have let the world mold a man from easy clay
A child who gave up hope of ever living
We're in there somewhere
The two of us
Reaching out, like God to Adam
Adam back to God
Not touching yet, but reaching nonetheless, as hard as we can reach
And, when we touch.......
If we touch
When we're whole again
Will it be too late to define what would have been?
Who would have been?
To shatter mirrors in others' eyes?
And what if I don't like the man I should become?
Must I become?
And if I don't, will all the me's explode at once,
Leaving nothing but dust where once I was?
A scary path this path of healing
Perhaps I'll just live my abuse a little longer
At least I know me there
Know who I am
How I react
I'm not sure bravery is in my DNA
And yet, I must find out
Must try to be
Please, God, give me the courage to be
Who I never was
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.