Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cards (33), korbin2003 (39), Rosemary (53), Zebra (47)
Who's Online
8 registered (Bluedogone, Jim1961, GT13568, 5 invisible), 32 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63214 Topics
442023 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#205238 - 02/14/08 10:49 PM gripe session
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
ok - to start with - there's no solution, so there's no need to look for one.
i just have to get this out.
i can't handle the pain. mental, emotional, especially physical.
the more i move into "recovery" the more i hurt
friends vanish
like they're afraid they'll catch something
my body is depressed. it's not just a "mood thing" - the only way to describe the pain in my legs and my joints is to say they are depressed.
i've lost what few friends i had
there's no one left to talk to
and 55 minutes once a week is not enough to cover half of how i feel, much less how to deal with it. or even simply cope.
i'm tired
alone
and in pain
yeah - ok - sure - call it a pity party
maybe it is
doesn't change the fact that i hurt
doesn't make it any easier
or less excruciating
someone just tell me why
without all the philisophical or religious banter
just tell me why it matters to try
i'm tired
depressed
alone
and miserable

and i just don't see it ever getting any better


Top
#205246 - 02/14/08 11:59 PM Re: gripe session [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
It matters because it CAN and WILL change.

Trust the process

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

Top
#205248 - 02/15/08 12:09 AM Re: gripe session [Re: mogigo]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Yes you got handed a shit deal.
Yes it hurts like hell.
Yes it feels like it will never end.
Yes it will probably not be better tomorrow.
Yet it does in fact get better.
Yes it will in fact take work.
Yes it is worth it.
Yes there is more that one of us who care.
Yes there is more than one of us who understands.
Yes I wish I had something better to offer but I don't at the moment.
and Yes I am answering your post because I care.
Yes I would take you pain if I could but I can't.
Yes you can know that I hear you.
For what it is worth your not alone.


Top
#205270 - 02/15/08 06:17 AM Re: gripe session [Re: Freedom49]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Why does it matter to try?

Because you matter & you deserve more from life.

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

Top
#205307 - 02/15/08 11:23 AM Re: gripe session *DELETED* [Re: MarkK]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


Top
#205311 - 02/15/08 11:56 AM Re: gripe session [Re: MarkK]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Originally Posted By: MarkK
ok - to start with - there's no solution, so there's no need to look for one.
i just have to get this out.
i can't handle the pain. mental, emotional, especially physical.
the more i move into "recovery" the more i hurt
friends vanish
like they're afraid they'll catch something
my body is depressed. it's not just a "mood thing" - the only way to describe the pain in my legs and my joints is to say they are depressed.
i've lost what few friends i had
there's no one left to talk to
and 55 minutes once a week is not enough to cover half of how i feel, much less how to deal with it. or even simply cope.
i'm tired
alone
and in pain
yeah - ok - sure - call it a pity party
maybe it is
doesn't change the fact that i hurt
doesn't make it any easier
or less excruciating
someone just tell me why
without all the philisophical or religious banter
just tell me why it matters to try
i'm tired
depressed
alone
and miserable

and i just don't see it ever getting any better




Edited by KENKEN (02/15/08 11:57 AM)
_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

Top
#205315 - 02/15/08 12:10 PM Re: gripe session [Re: arronb]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
ditto

like aaronb said so simply

because it is that simple

when I am depressed it is hard to feel anything except extreme sensations

so you matter

EXTREMELY!!!!




_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
#205398 - 02/15/08 11:27 PM Re: gripe session [Re: ineffable]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i appreciate the attempts guys.

thanx for trying

m


Top
#205399 - 02/15/08 11:46 PM Re: gripe session [Re: MarkK]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Don't leave us Mark till we get this cheer up thing right. We ar trying hard.


Top
#205405 - 02/16/08 12:24 AM Re: gripe session [Re: Freedom49]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
we are trying hard \:\(

_________________________
Thriving

Top
#205471 - 02/16/08 11:31 AM Re: gripe session [Re: awakening]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: awakening
If you are now able to see it getting better, what does it look like?

How will you know you are seeing it?

i have no idea what it will look like. i can assume it will mean there even if there's pain - there's hope too.

as for how i'll know when i see it? since i won't see it - does it matter really what it looks like or if i'd even recognize it IF it ever happened?

m


Top
#205585 - 02/16/08 09:55 PM Re: gripe session [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
my T session today brought it all to the surface
what hurts the most is the searing pain of being alone
of having no one
i dunno that i've ever put it into words before
how truly ALONE i feel
and .... so let's say i recovery the missing years
and my memories return?
so what?
what do i gain from it?
possibly greater pain because it won't be vague unknown fears
it will be remembered horrors
still faced alone
i just don't know how to deal with that
and unfortunately, i don't think my T has any ideas either.

if i didn't know any better, i'd swear the depression is getting worse after taking the xanax.


Top
#205587 - 02/16/08 10:01 PM Re: gripe session [Re: mogigo]
Pete2004 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/04
Posts: 958
Loc: North Carolina
Mark:

you are a good man, you mean a lot to alot of people, both here on this site and at home. Yes, it is hard..... harder than anything we have ever done or will do.

Mark, you are a strong man or you would not have survived... you are a survivor who has a lot to offer and as you continue working through the demons of the past, you will be able to help others who come behind you looking for and needing someone to take their hand and guide them through the darkness.

Mark... most friends, if they really are your friend, give space when space is needed and understanding when understanding is needed. We all need that and good friends provide it.

(((MARK)))






Edited by Charlie2004 (02/16/08 10:02 PM)
_________________________
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
No one goes his way alone;
What we send into the lives of others,
comes back into our own. (Edwin Markham)

Top
#205590 - 02/16/08 10:06 PM Re: gripe session [Re: Pete2004]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
oh so that's the clue
i need space, so everybody's pulled back
gee, won't it be nice when i don't need space anymore
and i have someone to hold on to while i weep
...
except weeping is out of the question
so maybe i really don't need anybody
or don't deserve
i suppose both have the same result

i still end up alone
and i hate being alone
i hate my life

... i already said that. guess i'm repeating myself. time to shut up.



Top
#205595 - 02/16/08 10:24 PM Re: gripe session [Re: Pete2004]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Hello Mark

I understand where you're at, alone is where I am at most of the time. So far I haven't learnt how to get past that, but I am willing to LOL

I am probably not a good advert for therapy ... I am avoiding it like the plague, but I am trying to learn as much as I can by myself. One of the many new things I have learnt in the few weeks I have been at this site is the Gatekeeper Theory ...

Basically it says that your mind acts as the gatekeeper to your memories, it'll only let out those memories it knows you can cope with. I haven't really delved into it much, but on the superficial level I am comforted by it. It means I can work on the stuff I have on my plate now, without worrying other stuff is gonna come rushing at me when I am not ready for it.

I hope this helps, but nonetheless ...
remember to be nice to yourself \:\)

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

Top
#205694 - 02/17/08 12:10 PM Re: gripe session [Re: mogigo]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Don't quit. What always kept me going was that the next corner may be the one I needed and I was afraid to quit and miss out on it.

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.