Newest Members
Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss
12364 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Bear (42), BoyNoMore (56), Daniel_05 (40), James Landrith (44), john kay (41)
Who's Online
2 registered (lostcowboy, 1 invisible), 16 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12364 Members
74 Forums
63541 Topics
443949 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#205016 - 02/13/08 03:49 PM marriage / why am i so afriad
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Lat night my fiancee and i finalized our plans for our wedding after talking with the reveran who will be marrying us i am not so filled with fear and self-doubt i can't even sit still or think straight.

Why am i so scared

why do i ALWAYS re-act with fear or anger when i'm unfamiliar with something

Is this normal

am i normal

how do i stop the racing thoughts

I'm sitting here on my computer and my dog just barked and i came a foot off the chair so i screamed at him and immidiately thereafter i knew i had to vent on here otherwise who knows.

I no longer think i'm capable of doing this,although i damn sure will be marrying the love of my life come hell or high water i do afterall deserve it.

Emotionally i am all over the place,scattered and frazzled and shakin-up and unsure why i cannot figure it out.

Being a survivor who deals with his issues daily why do i revert back to that little boy afraid of the unknown yet knowing in my heart and soul marrying lisa is something i have never been more sure of then anything in all my life then i am about being partners forever.

Fear sucks and it can consume me therefore it brings me right back to the days of wanting so much,never getting it,yet still not even realizing i have choices even when they are rough on my emotions and cause me to feel weak and afraid.


Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

Top
#205036 - 02/13/08 07:37 PM Re: marriage / why am i so afriad [Re: thecoopstah]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Quote:
why do i ALWAYS re-act with fear or anger when i'm unfamiliar with something

Is this normal

It is absolutely normal, especially when dealing with such a monumental life change as marriage. I guess what you have to figure out is are you having perfectly understandable jitters of what is most definitely an unknown or is the fear a debilitating one that is going to cause you and Lisa more problems than you can handle.

I wish I knew the answer for you Coop.

ROCK ON.........Trish



_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

Top
#205074 - 02/13/08 09:42 PM Re: marriage / why am i so afriad [Re: Trish4850]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I have always been able to express and label how i feel and yet my wedding coming up in september i'm only able to identify the feeling of fear....who knows i am sure i'll be fine but it does not mean i have to like it.

Coopstah

PS: god bless you trish

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

Top
#205088 - 02/13/08 10:30 PM Re: marriage / why am i so afriad [Re: thecoopstah]
Lou Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/10/07
Posts: 100
Coopstah,

Fear and anger.....boy....can I totally relate.

I am not a survivor of CSA....but I am definitely the bi-product of living in an alcoholic home.

For me....I think the anger and fear come through to hide the fact that I might actually want or need someone in my life....afterall, my biological dad and mom divorced when I was very young...he died when I was only 9. I could never depend upon my step dad to be there for me because for him the alcohol was always more important. I married my first husband when I was very young....he had an affair and later committed suicide. Sixteen years later I then married husband number two....divorced. And we wonder why we have so much anger and fear? I have lived a great deal of my life alone due to the fact that I have learned that it is easier to live alone than to have to be disappointed again and again.

I am currently living with my BF who is a survivor of CSA. When I met him 2 years ago I thought that I had met the man of my dreams....I could never even begin to tell you what a wonderful relationship we had. In May of last year he asked me to move in with him and about 2 weeks after that some incidences happened that caused me to ask him if he had ever been sexually abused...and from that day on...our lives have been forever changed! The disappointment that I am feeling is something that I can't even begin to explain.

I am not sure why I am even posting this...but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

For me, I have to realize that my anger and fears are probably well justified but at the same time....I am trying to come to grips with it all....but damn.....it is not easy! Some days I just want to go back to my own little condo where I felt safe and secure by myself....the only person that I have really come to know that I can count on!

Normal? For me.....I guess they are normal.

Take care.
Lou


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.