So, Tuesday night -- wow. I'm still processing.
S said that he was resentful that it seemed like I rushed onto the bandwagon of separating rather than working on the relationship.
However, the T helped him realize that there is no relationship, really, to work on.
He admitted that that is the case and that he doesn't really find anything uniquely about me that he wants to be in a relationship with: he is just mourning the status of being in a relationship.
I've done my best to reiterate that I do love him even though I'm not in love with him, that I like him and enjoy his company, and that I'm committed to my obligations to the mortgage and the dogs.
So, we've got a lot of work to do and a lot of difficult discussions to have. Our home is to have a one-on-one conversation this week about the sleeping arrangements on the cruise -- whether to have the bed separate or together. I'm scared, and I made sure that there were rules that the conversation would not branch out beyond that. He agreed. We have yet to have the discussion.
We will then need to decide what to do about the sleeping arrangements at home, finances, etc. -- all conversations I really am not ready to have yet.
On the other hand, we are being more honest about the state of things.
However, he's not happy and I don't blame him. I think he's acting out passive-aggressively. I set my alarm for 6:15 AM this morning. When it went off, I thought that I could snooze till 6:30. Whether I screwed up setting the alarm or whether I unconsciously turned it off while sleeping, I don't know; but I woke up at 8:12, which meant I was an hour late for work when my boss had an early morning conference call from Israel I needed to coordinate.
This means, though, that he got up, got dressed, and went out the door without the slightest interest in waking me up. Now, it's my responsibility to make sure I get up and go to work on time, but one would think basic human decency would have demanded he at least nudge me awake.