I find out that these things, these unwanted thoughts are caused by feelings of inadequacy, wanting to connect, lack of intimacy, unsure of boundaries and just things that were thrown onto me, these intrusive thoughts keep me confused and afraid to connect for feelings of not fitting in. Once again Im feeling shame, confusion sexually and isolation. Im glad to be back and I thank you brothers for your support in my time of need.

I am not too sure what to tell you, but I know I have had all the same feelings. I have friends and all, but meeting new people and opening up is hard. In many ways, my life sort of just 'happened' without me taking any charge and choosing what I wanted. I often imagine my life should be somewhere else, and that where I am at 'today' isn't good enough. I have girls show interest in me, and even if I find interest in them, I am unable to to take things the next step to get to know them better. I am trying to break through all this, to love myself and know I had things happen in my life I didn't ask for and that I am an okay person and deserve better. But yeah, it is easy to isolate and feel the shame. I just know I was more than this as a kid, and to not try to at least claim back as much as possible my human right to have positive relations with others just wouldn't be enough. Not sure if this helps any, but keep reaching out anytime you are feeling isolated as know that there are others with the same feelings you are having.