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#204602 - 02/10/08 05:18 PM What moved you to RECOVERY
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
What moved you to RECOVERY

Hi guys I was wondering if you could help out. I would like to know what moved you to RECOVERY and what resources you found that helped on your journey.

If any of you have been treated unfairly because of gender I would like to hear about it.

I was told by the head of the United Way that The Women's Center was the agency which was suppose to help me. However when I went to the center I was told they don't have any programs for males ,they don't have funding for that. I was treated as if I was the enemy when I walked in there.


I feel that there isn't equal funding and resources for male victims of Sexual Abuse. We have been short changed on this way too long. Myself and a few others here are putting together what we are calling A Report to Congress and we need as much input as possible on this issue. Thanks for your feedback on this.


Tom



_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#204607 - 02/10/08 05:37 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: Muldoon]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
What moved me to RECOVERY was the need to find a better way to live. I had been engaged in very negative coping habits way too long. In 2001 the clergy abuse in Boston was every where in the news and I began to think I could finally come forward.

I found Male Survivor in Dec 01 and began to read all that I could. I knew that there had to be a better life for me once I stopped the hiding from the truth.

Yes, the CSA had impacted my life.

The guys here at MS showed me that things could be better. I told my wife in May 2002 after 20 years of marriage. She was at my side when I told the church about what Father R did to me. I found a good T to help me.I also have been to 2 WoR at Alta and a 10 day healing session to the FARM in KY where I meet my current T.

Male Survivor has been a excellent healing resource also.


Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#204613 - 02/10/08 05:50 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: Muldoon]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Tom,

I think after 40 years, things just reached a boiling point and I couldn't contain it any longer. I had a series of events that had occurred in my life that I think also triggered it for me emotionally.

As for treatment and support for men, it is practically non-existent where I live, and I live in a large urban area. I tried so many places to find a support group, but was unsuccessful. Most of the resources are geared to sex addicts. Not with survivors of CSA. I am sure there are some who attned the meetings that are victims of CSA, but was hard to identify with the group. I did find a group that dealt with sexual addictions that also had a christian background, but again it was geared to sexual addiction. I was very disappointed as you were on trying to find the resources for men. Everything was geared towards women and in fact, I received the same type of response when I contacted the various agencies. I got the feeling they didn't care about the men...as if it doesn't exist in that community. Especially after what has been going on in the catholic church, you think they would be more intuned and aware. It was rather disheartening trying to finally find help and getting no assistance or even interest in helping you. That is why I am so grateful and appreciative of MS.

Not sure if this helps.

Dan


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#204615 - 02/10/08 06:14 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: Muldoon]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
After many failed life times over the past 25 years of trying to treat my depression, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, it all came to a head on a night in October 2007 when I saw a Dr. Phill show on a pedophile that was caught. 10 minutes of this show opened the door I swore I would never open and that was about all the abuse I went through. I wrote of a couple of hours crying as I put on paper everything in as much detail as I could remember. I brought this to my T and never looked back.
So I have to say it was Dr. Phill in a round about way



Edited by GateKPR4 (02/10/08 06:15 PM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
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#204618 - 02/10/08 06:28 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: GateKPR4]
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
My life fell apart, my wife had an affair partly due to my codependent personality and porn addiction. I lived trying to get her straightend out and when all the work I thought I had put into the marriage failed "the affair" I broke. I ended up in therapy because I needed help dealing with the affair and I disclosed the molestation.

What I used to help me through?

Books, God, Therapy, wrote a book about my life. The thing I think helps the most was going over my past and realizing it had shaped my life completly to the bad. I realized I needed to reboot it, reshape it and so my journey began.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#204631 - 02/10/08 08:29 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: John Oarc]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Hi Tom

had been avoiding RECOVERY until I "whited out" on my way to work some years ago
when I came to I had no idea where I was which scared the crap out of me

reading everything I could about PTSD, complex PTSD & dissociation as well as
weekly therapy got things started


being here on this site for just a few short days interacting is "stage 2"

still have a way to go & grateful to all here!

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#204636 - 02/10/08 08:51 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: ineffable]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
The anger.


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#204638 - 02/10/08 09:14 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: Dude.]
VictoryisRs Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/13/07
Posts: 36
Loc: Seattle, WA
After reading several books on CSA, and finding myself in some of the profiles I read about, I was wakened to the fact that I had not completely addressed being abused by my uncle as a child. I've also wanted to connect the dots as far as changing things about my personality, ie, passivity, being afraid of the future, success, etc. WHile some of these things are common to people in general (and not caused by abuse), I found myself ill-equipped as an adult to forge ahead into the future w/out looking back into my past.


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#204657 - 02/10/08 11:01 PM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: VictoryisRs]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
Sadness. Depression. Traumatic responses and twitches. Watching life go by, and not participating in it. Just basically unhappy. In my head wanting to connect with others, and even feeling the invitation to do so, but not. Alienation. Shame. Guilt. Anxiety. Realizing I had lost part of me, and I wanting that back (okay, at first I was far too messed up to even see this as possible, or even who to know what that part of me was; but I'm starting to remember who I once was, and I had a lot of really good qualities.) Having been considered very bright my whole life, and being unable to even remotely create my dreams. I think more than anything, I wanted to feel it is okay for me to love and be loved by people I actually wanted to love and be loved by; my life was very lonely from my point of view (it still is in many ways, but I am working on making it better.)


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#204666 - 02/11/08 12:50 AM Re: What moved you to RECOVERY [Re: ericc]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
Tom,

What moved me to recovery was that i was tired of being held hostage for things that were not my fault.

Not knowing what was going in inside, i suffered for 40 yrs.

February 13, 2003 I had a flashback that started memories flooding back. FIve years ago this week.

At that time I was bombarded flashbacks, nightmares etc...

I still managed to work, though somedays I was suicidal. I managed to work until August 04 when i had a nervous breakdown.

I was off work almost a year on disability. I was at a very pivitol point in my life where i had 2 choices, return to work or go on disability permantly.

My T at the time was afraid i would never be able to work, it is hard to return to work after almost a year off she said.

I told her not to worry that i will go back. I went back to work almost 3 yrs ago, fulltime. It has been a real struggle and still is sometimes, but nothing is such a struggle as dealing with the effects of CSA.

A lot of time I have to remind myself that the perp(s) F***** Up my first 40 yrs of my life and that I will not allow them and the effects of CSA to F**** Up the second 40 yrs. Period.

-Jim

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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