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#204432 - 02/09/08 08:52 PM The dying boss - an update
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
As some of you know I posted a while back about my boss who was sick with cancer and how I had no compassion for her. This was confusing for me and got a lot of good feedback from you all. Although I do believe my feelings were justified as you had all pointed out because of the way I was treated by her.

The news came in last night that she will probably pass within 24 - 48 hours.
My supervisor Wendy called me last night to give me the news and asked if I would go with her to see my manager before she passed on. I told her yes and that I have been through this a few times and would help her with this. I was not to keen on going and probably would not have gone had she not asked.

We got to the hospital her brother was there and he showed us in to see her.
There was a moment of awkwardness not knowing what to say since we all know this will probably be the last time we see her.

I asked for a moment alone with her because I felt the need to disclose that I am a survivor of csa and cult abuse. She knew I suffered from severe depression, anxiety, and had a rough time of it for a while. She may have been mean at times and very stern but she supported me when the chips were down and stood up for me, and even offered her own vacation time to cover my 6 weeks out of work after an emotional melt down. I think she was trying to change for the better before the cancer took over her life.

After telling her that the depression and anxiety was due to csa and cult abuse, I thanked her for something she had taught me. She taught me to be responsible for myself and my life and choices. She taught me it was OK to make mistakes and be human. She also taught me to not blame others and make excuses. She also helped me to overcome and be strong when I felt like giving up.
The value of these lessons she taught me are immeasurable.

Since that time I took charge of my recovery, my work, and eventually my mind. I don't think I would have ever been able to deal with the csa and cult abuse had I not learned those things. For this I am grateful!
She gave me a big hug and it was heart felt and I am glad that Wendy asked me to go with her.

I never thought I would find anything good about to say about my manager never mind being grateful for anything to do with her but I was wrong ,and she helped me more than she will ever know. I am glad that I had the opportunity to let her know the truth of my condition, and to thank her for helping me.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#204437 - 02/09/08 09:06 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: GateKPR4]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Ricky--

That's beautiful--thanks for sharing that. I'm amazed by the things I've learned from people I thought had nothing to teach. But I'm even more impressed by the strength you seem to have taken from that relationship, and that you brought into your goodbye.

David



Edited by MemoryVault (02/09/08 09:07 PM)

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#204445 - 02/09/08 09:34 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: MemoryVault]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
good going-rickey


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#204448 - 02/09/08 09:40 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: sabata]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Thanks for sharing that Ricky. You did good. I am so proud of you for being able to receive those valuable lessons. I have had to swallow my pride on many occasions in order to accept a lesson I needed. It was always worth it. You gave her a beautiful parting gift by sharing that with her.



Edited by Freedom49 (02/09/08 09:41 PM)

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#204464 - 02/09/08 10:51 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: Freedom49]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Rick,

What you did was beautiful and touching. To be honest, I teared up after reading it. I am glad you were able to see the good in her and express your feelings towards her. I am sure your words were appreciated by her and were comforting to her.

Dan


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#205031 - 02/13/08 06:48 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: DanM]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thank you all for your kind words.
But I would never have went had I not been asked. It was truly a strange healing experience. For all the animosity I felt toward her I found compassion for a dying person. For the first time I saw her as a person not an evil hate filled manager.
I can only say that I owe many people here and in my past support groups that have led me to believe and think different than I did in the past. I guess I am becoming human again.
Thank you all again.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#205033 - 02/13/08 07:25 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
YOU ARE VERY HUMAN Ricky. And you know what? Deep in side you always were. It is just coming out more and more as you heal.


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#205037 - 02/13/08 07:42 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: Freedom49]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Ricky, it doesn't matter a lick why you went to see her - you did and you made it a valuable visit for both of you. Good for you.

ROCK ON.......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#205207 - 02/14/08 07:13 PM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: Trish4850]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thanks all,
Healing is quite a journey, It's nice to be able to feel emotions again. I have been shut down for so long I know it will take time to get used to all these feelings. I'm fortunate that I have you all here.



Edited by GateKPR4 (02/14/08 07:13 PM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#205416 - 02/16/08 02:16 AM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: GateKPR4]
skingraph Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 39
Well i had a boss that treated people like crap and even the person that helped him get rich.And i also had this principle in high school that questioned my loyalty to my family,that tried to get me arrested in school......

They both died of cancer ,i hope their death was painfull.Its almost, like to me, god touched them, cause they where doing something bad...........or god sent his angel amon to claim their evil souls...Too bad god wasn't there for me when i was 10-13 of age,or maybe he was just making up for it.....



Edited by skingraph (02/16/08 02:30 AM)

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#205420 - 02/16/08 03:51 AM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: skingraph]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
amazing rick.

yeah... amazing. that's all I have to say.

_________________________
Boom!

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#205423 - 02/16/08 05:06 AM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: frost]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
She passed yesterday afternoon. I'm glad I had a chance to say what I needed to say. Do I feel compassion, maybe a little, will I miss her? probably not. There was a strange calm at work that afternoon.
I think that like myself many had the same mixed feelings I did.
Mean or not cancer is a bad way to go. That I would not wish on anyone, not even an enemy.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#205438 - 02/16/08 06:48 AM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I think Cancer is a physical manifestation of our psycholoical canibalism. We mentally eat our selves up. Devour our selves with our own self hate. Or I could be just full of sh*T.


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#205440 - 02/16/08 06:55 AM Re: The dying boss - an update [Re: Freedom49]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
The mind is a very powerful tool. Harboring hate,and being mean can lead to all sorts of health problems. Just do the research on stress related illnesses and it will make you go hmmm....
You may not be to far from the truth Roger. I knew a woman that died from cancer who seemed to be a really nice lady and was always nice to me but she carried a lot of anger toward her step daughter and dead husbands family. From what I learned she had been mean to them and cut off most ties with them. Anger could cause some chemicle to be produced allowing the cancer to grow.
Just a thought.



Edited by GateKPR4 (02/16/08 06:56 AM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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