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#204186 - 02/08/08 04:31 PM true to self is often painful
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I have dealt with and put up with lots of abuse throughout my life asfar back as a child and i never had the chance or choices even to remove myself.

While i was drinking several years ago(although i have drank since) i desperately wanted to be a part of my uncles life again because he essentially disowned me as a result of my robbing him....etc etc etc

Well that wish cam to fruition and i've been back in his life for about 4 or 5 months now and,for whatever reason,i have worked for him off/on and he disrespects and treats me like he always did years before(it's a long story) however i spoke to my therapist and fiancee with the hopes of getting some form of perspective into why i allow this to go on yet if someone(anyone) ever disrespected me they both told me i'd never put up with it.

Well last night i finally called his wife(my uncle is a big man 6'3 and i've always been uneasy around big men) and told her "i cant work or be around him anymore i dont like how he treats me i am intimidated by him and he frightens me".....needless to say she comepletely understood how i felt and even said to me "richard i know what you mean and i understand i'll talk to dave"....

i'm so filled with fear which brings me to being true to myself and how it can be painful at times however i had to speak up for myself otherwise i'm not sure what i would have said or done if i spoke to him directly.

I needed to do what was right FOR ME and no one else.The days of being abused are over,no more...i never realized until i talked at length with my T who told me he is emotionally abusing me and right away i made the connection i do have a choice to remove myself from any given situation if i'm uncomfortable.

Now i'm left feeling lonely and afraid because for the first time in my life i spoke up to a family member who i always looked up to and admired as a father figure.

I will not allow people to abuse me anymore

I refuse to be treated like yesterdays trash

I deserve better and dammit i'll make it my mantra

I guess i'm feeling empty amongst many other emotions right now and whatever/however the outcome of this moment in my life turns out at least i know i used my voice and stopped the abuse before i reached a point i may never recover from therefore lose my freedom.This i will not tolerate.It is never an easy thing to do when being true to yourself until i get it it will continue....last night "i got it'...

Coopstah

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#204195 - 02/08/08 05:56 PM Re: true to self is often painful [Re: thecoopstah]
Patrick Walsh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/08
Posts: 22
Loc: PA
Coop
Congradulations. It's a huge step. All of the fear, and empty feelings and lonliness are real. We've all been there. But, they are also what you "THINK" may happen, which may or may not. one day at a time. You did stand u and your voice was heard. That will lead to another and another and the chain will slowly start unraveling. Quietly sometimes. With a roar, other times. Take a moment and thank yourself or doing this wonderful ting for youself. FOr loving you more than someone else.

You are not a piece of shit. You are not alone.

I'ts painful, but i promise you it does decrease with time.

much love and admiration

pat

_________________________
I'm a good person. I'm a good man. I'm a postive force and I will not be shamed.

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