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#20397 - 05/12/06 08:55 PM Re: This is Crazy.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Threads like this can easily become inflamed, and here I will just say how I myself relate to the various things that have been said. I don't mean to speak for one view or another.

Earlier this year my "little brother" John (friend of the family) was driving me from Harrisburg to Philadelphia and we were talking about things we might wish we could change. He knows about my abuse history, and he asked me if I could would I go back and change all that. I told him no, I wouldn't.

The reason isn't that abuse was a blessing or anything like that. It's just that I don't know what track the REST of my life would have taken. Would I have developed the intensely loving and caring relationship I have with my sister Cathie? Would I ever have become a teacher? Would I ever have come to devote so much of my time to young people? Would I ever have met my wife? Would I ever have had these two children that mean all the world to me?

Or on the other hand, would I have fallen into other traps? Would I have found heroin, the only drug I didn't devour when I was a young man? Would I have ended in a morgue somewhere?

I have no idea. What I do know is that I can defeat the effects of abuse and reclaim my life. I don't need to ask questions that invite me to pine for that which will never be. I am okay as I am, and I will win this one.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#20398 - 05/12/06 09:38 PM Re: This is Crazy.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
We cannot refute anothers beliefs in this thread.
Nobody gave us an easy ride.
F*cking nobody, we had to find the way on our own, no compass, no nothing.

Please dont clash personalities by making remarks on anothers views, PM them first.
We are not in the same room, it is a brick bat attitude that needs to stop.

We were all born as innocent kids, if we can get back to that, then it is good.
Even if it was taken, it was once there, and if we remember it, it puts us into the knowledge of how this terrible world has treated us wholesale.

I would love to have been born into a world where my innocence was untouched, but sadly it was not the case, so if it makes me looney, then thats what came out the other end.

We cannot go on fighting between ourselves, it has no positive, and can form permanent negative outcome to us all.

Please respect another,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#20399 - 05/12/06 09:53 PM Re: This is Crazy.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Search your soul and find the little boy who just wanted to play and be safe, and like other kids do things.

If you find him, take his hand, and thank him for all he got you through.
He is still you, deep down inside, he is still there, the boy within the man.

It is our own uniqueness, one we should reclaim now the waters are calmer.
Please do not make serious comment on how another views his world.

Please try and be more tolerant of anothers views.
Nobody wants their views stomped on, but if it hurts say so, dont wade in and trash them.

I only ask you to keep the forums 'alive' and not let it go into a ghost town forum,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#20400 - 05/13/06 12:17 AM Re: This is Crazy.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Even though this is kind of a heated discussion I think there is a lot of good thoughts out there. I did not mean to stir things up and I apologize that it has happened but my original feeling behind this post is something of a pride issue I guess, I just feel like we are worth more attention, worth more recognition, worth more than a slap on the wrist. That is all I am trying to say.

The reason I feel this way:

If someone abuses my son, I will not stand by quietly and let the justice system work its magic. I will stand up and fight with everything in my soul.

Having said that, I am that son and I feel like I need to stand up and fight now, right now.

For you guys out there fighting the court system regarding your abuse, I stand with you and for you.

Thanks everyone,

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#20401 - 05/13/06 12:41 AM Re: This is Crazy.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John (Oarc),

Quote:
I just hate to think that there is a little boy out there right now being set up to live the next twenty or thirty years not knowing what is making him sick when he gets around a group of guys, not knowing why he likes booze, or why he feels he deserves to be punished, why he feels like he only deserves the hard road.
That's what makes it especially difficult to react calmly to the kind of things that happen in our courts today. Someone else on the DB (I cannot recall who) also had a good way to put it:

Quote:
The perp gets probation; the kid gets life.
What would I do if I ever found out that something had happened to my own son? I really don't know. What I hope I would recall is that a boy needs his Dad. I sure needed mine!

When I disclosed to my Dad (now 80 years old) back in November he was so upset he couldn't talk about it for a few days. Finally he did, and we had a good session in which we pretty much cleared the air. He had at first been angry at my Scoutmaster, a good friend of his, for bringing me home that night and not telling him what had happened and how he had found me.

But then he realized that his friend had been right. As my Dad put it to me, "**** (the perp) wouldn't have lived another hour." When I told him he would have gone to jail for a long time for that, he replied "I would be out by now". To that I replied, "Yes Dad. But I would have grown up without a father, and you and I would be strangers."

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#20402 - 05/13/06 01:24 AM Re: This is Crazy.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Larry, I just had something go through my head that is probably the root of my frustration. Thanks for jogging it out of my mind.

My mother did everything she could in regards to warning people about the man who molested me and she recently told me that she was very angry at the man for what he did but she never talked to me about it. My father on the other hand, according to my faded memory, did not say or do anything. No one ever talked to me after that event, no one. Twenty plus years went by with everything bottled up in me, oozing out through addictions and poor coping mechanisms until I talked to a therapist about it after my wifes affair. So my point is, I may still be angry that my Father did not raise hell and try to kill the guy, or show up at the court for his sentencing and have a cow when they handed down the "you must attend therapy" to my perp. Im not sure but the thought just popped into my head after reading your post. I am happy that you have such loving parents and I wish I were as blessed as you in that area. The thing is, I think about others here and I have to say I am sorry that they had less than I had in regards to parents.

We are all trying to get to a place of peace and happiness, how we do that may be different from others but in all, like it or not, we are all together in this and I love every one of you.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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