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#203962 - 02/07/08 01:45 AM Re: How to distinguish triggers? [Re: Freedom49]
head&heart Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 17
Loc: Chose the hard place--left the...
Freedom49, Lazarus et al
Your response brought on my tears as well. You have touched somewhere that hurts.
I think this discussion has revealed something very painful for lovers to accept. The giving and receiving of love is hard and for some people it is nearly impossible. But the crucial point is that the love does exist, it just fails to be expressed appropriately. The relationship between triggers and all things “intimate” seems to be a large part of this failure of expression. In significant relationships these failures of expression are deeply, personally felt and the result is a sense of fear and frustration. I guess we sometimes fear the things we most desire.
Thanks, Lazarus, all of the insights about triggers have been helpful. Real light has been shed on a topic that has been a weight in my heart for a long, long time. I have read on this site that many survivors feel a great sense of relief when they first arrive here because they finally know they are not alone. This is also true for me. Many comments that have been made (especially the catch 22 analogy) are exactly those I suspect my husband would say if only it were not for a failure of expression.
I am grateful to you all.

#203998 - 02/07/08 12:53 PM Re: How to distinguish triggers? [Re: head&heart]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
It took me a while to decide in my heart whether I love my wife because I need her or if I need her because I love her. For me I finally settled on the latter and that works for me as a foundation for our continued relationship which has been more fulfulling that I would have thought possible from my perspective years ago because it was ALL based on need only. Glad your feeling better and I wanted you to know our(Patti and I) prayers are with you two.

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