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#20387 - 05/11/06 01:31 AM This is Crazy.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I am going to apologize right off the bat for this post but I can't believe that after all we have been through we have to fight to get any justice. I understand that we have to go through the legal system and all that but why in the hell is it so hard to convict these people. If there is clear cut evidence, in my case a nine year old boy describing ejaculation and things that no nine year old could make up. Is the world so crazy that they don't care about us. Are we like the taboo subject that we would rather just sweep under the rug and not talk about. How is it that judges could be so impartial, how could they think CSA is just something that occurs and it is not all that bad, not worth life in prison, not worth a prison stay at all. I think I am too proud and I can't be silenced, I think my life is worth more than just letting these people walk away with a slap on the hand. I spent twenty years in a mental prison, all the crap that I did that has taken its tole on my mind and body, the things that haunt me and my family today cant be replaced, no amount of money, nothing can bring back the devastation. I feel like they should pay, and I mean big time.

Again Sorry, but I guess I am finally getting the rest of the anger out. It is just crazy, my perp went to therapy, that was it, and that pisses me off.

I am happy to be alive, I can see, hear, walk and talk, my children are wonderful, my wife is beautiful and always there for me, and I am thankful for all of that so dont get me wrong. I am happily pissed off, if I can say that. I just feel like we are getting the shaft and it pisses me off to no end.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#20388 - 05/11/06 03:20 AM Re: This is Crazy.
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
*****TRIGGERS*****

John,

I hear you, buddy. And I am willing to stand right there with you and add my loud "ME TOO". to the mix.

Any time you need to express your anger about this kind of travesty, you've found the right place to do it. No one will judge you or think less of you for doing so.

I have a relative who 20 years ago got a slap on the wrist (6 months on work release with time off for good behavior), and walked. His offense was sodomy of 2 brothers ages 10 and 11 over a 2 year period. Today he is in his 3rd year of a 15 year sentence for the same thing plus selling the pictures of his crimes on the internet. Pardon my french, but WTF?

Yeah, I hear you, loud and clear.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#20389 - 05/11/06 04:55 AM Re: This is Crazy.
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Seeking justice is like seeking validation for our experiences from others, it makes us vulnerable to experiencing injustice, and may lead to us remaining trapped in the Victims mode , when we dont receive that validation.

Justice is a man-made concept, and so is retribution.

Under Universal law of Karma, No one is spared from paying for their actions, neither we nor those who have done crime against us.

Infact everything that we do we do it to our self, as it all comes right back to us.

So dont worry much about 'them', rather focus on how you can make you life more beautiful!

If anything let your light shine on them so that they too get to see the light of the day, some day.

Choose today, what you'd like to receive someday.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#20390 - 05/11/06 07:20 PM Re: This is Crazy.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John (Oarc),

I thin the whole mess reveals how poorly understood the impact of CSA is in the modern judiciary. That's something we have to work on, together and singly.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#20391 - 05/11/06 08:17 PM Re: This is Crazy.
Zipser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 351
Loc: Connecticut
***** TRIGGERS *****

Guys,

As much as we might like to think that there's a connection between justice and the law, when it comes to CSA I'm afraid that link is broken.

Four years ago the law in Connecticut was changed to extend the statute of limitations for civil actions relating to CSA to the victim's 48th birthday. If I had been born four months earlier I would have lost my chance to hold the man who sexually abused me accountable for his actions.

I know that I was not the only victim of this man and while I am thankful I had the opportunity to sue this POS the question remains "What about the older guys?" Can you imagine if the change had been enacted on the day after my 48th birthday?

So while bringing a lawsuit helped me in my recovery it also points out that there's quite a bit of work to be done. Not just in Connecticut where I'd like to see no statute of limitations but a uniform law across the entire country.

Globally it's a whole other discussion.

Tell you one thing, though, I'm not giving up.

Regards,

Zipser

_________________________
"I stand proud that the boy so badly damaged managed to get me this far and I will honor him and myself for being a survivor." - A member

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#20392 - 05/11/06 08:37 PM Re: This is Crazy.
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
John,

its not worth us talking about, we need to voice opinion to those who make decisions, the judiciary and politicians.

These slap on the wrist sentences must feel like a baseball bat hit to the head of the plaintiff.
When a kid is the plaintiff, it sends a very strong signal to the kid, that nobody cares.

I will be sending documents to the judiciary and others for their perusal, and they have a duty to read and respond to those documents.

If we all do the same, it would surely make a difference, not that we should have to do it,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#20393 - 05/12/06 02:45 AM Re: This is Crazy.
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Mixed up about how I feel. I feel all of what you guys are saying but Morning Star has a good point also.

What I think about all of this may not be right but here it goes.

I agree that seeking justice is not going to make me feel any different, my abuser is dead, however if it helps others I think it is important. If we stand up and speak out we can collectively make a difference, if we keep it to ourselves and let it slide and just add it to the list of shit we were exposed to I dont feel like I am helping other potential victims. I am mad about how the world views the abuse, like it is just a thing that happens. In there mind its not like they killed someone or lied about revenue to improve stock options. That stuff is front page news and deserves to be investigated to the inth degree. I guess I am only trying to say that I am angry that I don't know how or what to do to help others. I feel like joining hands with as many survivors as I can and making a public announcment, WE ARE NOT TO BE OVERLOOKED, WE ARE IMPORTANT.....

If the penalties were stronger, is that the key. Prevention, is that the key. Education, is that the key. I dont know but I am getting the feeling that I want to be more public about my feelings, I want to take a stand and help in some way.

Thanks for letting me get this out, I guess I am a little steamed and I just hate to think that there is a little boy out there right now being set up to live the next twenty or thirty years not knowing what is making him sick when he gets around a group of guys, not knowing why he likes booze, or why he feels he deserves to be punished, why he feels like he only deserves the hard road.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#20394 - 05/12/06 04:29 AM Re: This is Crazy.
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Looking back, I feel I wouldn't like to change a thing about my past.

Considering how much I have received through it, no matter how painful it might have been, it has been all worthwhile, as it has singularly brought me to the point where I have met my own spirit, and know the divine wisdom behind the episode of abuse. It was a consequence of my past karma and also the need in my soul to learn compassion through forgiveness. And what better way to learn both than to experience victim’s consciousness.

But that can also be a trap as a victim might refuse to take the consequences of my own karma and instead keep on fighting for retribution for the rest of his natural life.

All said and done, Victim is a state of mind and never a state of the soul. For a soul it is all fair in the learning curve, tougher the life situations it is a clear sign that it is a brave soul that inhabits this body, and we must honour that choice of it and work towards gaining wisdom so that we can understand the soul purpose of our life experience, be it good or even bad.

We are here to learn, if not then we would be dead, or if we stop learning from life, it dies prematurely within us or we do.

I feel sad when I see so many victims just stuck in that state of being the victim that they see life only from a victims point of view never from an empowered one and can be saddest thing to happen, to ask for an experience in your life>
_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#20395 - 05/12/06 05:36 AM Re: This is Crazy.
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
John,

No need to apologize my friend.

We are important! We must be Silent No More! We must speak out in every venue. Our voice must be heard. As long as we as victoms are content to be silent, this travesty will continue. I see no one comming to our rescue. We must speak out! We must stand up and say, "Enough is enough already!"

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#20396 - 05/12/06 06:20 AM Re: This is Crazy.
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
All quotes are from Morning Star's most recent post on this topic ...

Quote:
Looking back, I feel I wouldn't like to change a thing about my past. Considering how much I have received through it, no matter how painful it might have been, it has been all worthwhile ...
I would absolutely change my past if I could.

However, I cannot, so instead, I acknowledge the reality, the horror, of what happened to me (including the life-long scars) and make the very best of it I can. Certainly, some good things MAY have come from my SA - my hyper-vigilance and very active imagination coupled with easy dissociation is perhaps the foundation of my visionary experiences - but my gift of Vision might just as well have developed without the SA. Regardless, I'll never know, because that option was stolen from me.

But do I think my SA was a good thing ? Do I think it's a desirable, worthwhile thing ? HELL NO !

Quote:
I have met my own spirit, and know the divine wisdom behind the episode of abuse.
If the sexual abuse of a young boy is some Deity's idea of "wisdom", then as far as I'm concerned, that Deity is demonic, not divine. Personally, I think the Gods weep when ANY child is abused, in ANY way - and they are, for the most part, powerless to prevent it. But what the Gods CAN give us is help in healing.

It's cool you've met your own spirit, but there are much less wasteful ways to do so than through the experience of abuse.

Quote:
It was a consequence of my past karma and also the need in my soul to learn compassion through forgiveness.
So, you deserved it ? You needed it, to learn compassion & forgiveness ?

Utter nonsense.

NOBODY deserves abuse, yet it happens anyway. And there are many, many ways to learn forgiveness and compassion, without the "need" to live the hell we did.

I'm sorry, Morning Star, but you sound like a Westerner (perhaps American) who's managed to warp Buddhist "detachment" into a form of denial / distancing / dissociation.

Quote:
But that can also be a trap as a victim might refuse to take the consequences of my own karma and instead keep on fighting for retribution for the rest of his natural life.
Victim consciousness is indeed a trap for many survivors - been there, done that, still go there far too often. But the way out of victimhood is empowerment tempered with compassion, rather than blaming it on my "karma". For me, blame is the surest way to stay entrapped in victim mode, because it denies my own power to speak up, be heard, make choices and change my life.

But here's the REALITY : We WERE victims ! Our challenge is to grow beyond our past, not deny it.

BTW, Justice and retribution are two very different things.

Quote:
... we must honour that choice of it and work towards gaining wisdom so that we can understand ... (Emphasis added)
Please use "I" statements, as you do not speak for me or (necessarily) any other man here, and with the use of "we", you presume to do so.

Quote:
We are here to learn ...
Perhaps, but again, you presume too much by speaking about us collectively.


Quote:
... to ask for an experience in your life>

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