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#203502 - 02/04/08 10:41 AM Article and response
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Letter to the Editor

February 4, 2008


Westchester-Putnam letters for 2/4.


Dispelling myths about sexual abuse

As national president of MaleSurvivor: NOMSV (www.malesurvivor.org), I commend The Journal News for its compassionate and comprehensive Thursday article, "Child abuse cases stun community." One of our most important missions is to dispel myths and educate the public about the facts regarding sexual abuse of boys, and I applaud The Journal News for publicly recognizing these boys are not "lucky," but are victims.

I would like to further clarify two important issues: Statistics show that 87 percent of child-abuse victims do not go on to be offenders themselves. While many offenders may have been abused as children, it is this "vampire myth" that often stigmatizes survivors and keeps them from seeking help.

It is certainly true that sexual-abuse survivors will have issues as they grow into adults (anger, alcohol, relationship problems); however, the real challenge is most do not associate these problems with the abuse they have suffered. Many men, even those abused by males, say, "Yeah, that happened when I was a kid, but I'm fine." But our society's outdated views on male sexuality are skewed, and when the media calls these boys "lucky," survivors will never even consider the abuse by a female to be the root cause of their issues.

As a survivor myself, I am aware of the aftermath survivors face, and many of us may always feel we are alone. Yet it is important to know there is hope, help and recovery, and with hard work and a good therapist, any survivor has a chance to become the person he was meant to be.

Curtis St. John

Somers



Experts say it's not sex, but power, that drives inappropriate acts between adults and children

January 31, 2008


Experts say it's not sex, but power, that drives inappropriate acts between adults and children

Randi Weiner and Steve Lieberman
The Journal News

American slang has a few words for them: cougars, hot mommas or Mrs. Robinsons come to mind.

The American criminal justice system considers them child abusers, rapists and pedophiles.

Older women who have sex with adolescent boys both fascinate and disgust people. Some in society still regard a near-adult male's sexual act with an older woman as a positive thing, experts said, while child advocates are adamant that sex between adults and youngsters is never positive.

In general, public reaction to last week's arrest of attorney Beth Modica, a Sloatsburg mother of four and a former PTA president, has been stunned surprise.

"My first thought as a mother was, 'Yuck.' How could anyone do this?" said Emily Feiner, a licensed clinical social worker who works with rape victims as well as adolescents and adults with a history of child sexual abuse.

"She's innocent until proven guilty, of course, but it's such a violation of the trust that children should have in adults. And adolescent boys are still children," Feiner said.

National criminal justice statistics are not available for the number of women who are charged with sex crimes against children, but experts say their numbers are growing as the number of women being charged with all crimes is growing.

In New York, 8,133 people were charged with felony sexual contact with minors between Jan. 1, 2002, and Dec. 7, 2007. Of those, 348, or about 4 percent, were alleged sex assaults committed by women.

Perhaps the two most notorious cases of the past two decades involved Pamela Smart of New Hampshire and Mary Kay Letourneau of Washington.

Smart, now serving a life sentence in the Bedford Hills Correctional Facility, made headlines after her 16-year-old lover and three of his friends killed Smart's husband - at her behest, it was alleged - in 1990. She continues to insist on her innocence in the murder. The teen lover, now 33, has requested an early release from prison, where he is serving a 28 years to life sentence. Smart was transferred to Bedford from a New Hampshire prison in 1993.

In 1998, it was Mary Kay Letourneau's story that grabbed the public's attention after she was accused and eventually convicted of having sex with a 13-year-old boy she had first met when she was his second-grade teacher. After having his daughter, she was sent to prison on rape and molestation charges, getting out of prison long enough to have sex with him again. After the child from that union was born, she finished her sentence and married her young lover, who was 21 by then.

More recently, former private school English teacher Sandra "Beth" Geisel of Latham was indicted by an Albany County grand jury in 2005, accused of having sex with a 16-year-old student in her home, at his home and once in the press box on the school campus. In a plea bargain, she pleaded guilty to a single count of rape and was sentenced to six months in jail.

The Lower Hudson Valley is not without its own additions to the list of women charged with sex crimes against children.

Hendrick Hudson High School teacher Marci Stein was found guilty of felony charges of having sex with a 16-year-old student and two others during tutoring sessions at her Montrose home between April 1999 and January 2000. She was sentenced to four to 12 years in state prison in 2001 for sodomy and rape, but her conviction was overturned after she had served three years. She pleaded guilty to endangering the welfare of a minor, a misdemeanor, in 2005, but denied any sexual contact with the three boys. She was sentenced to a year in jail, which was not served because Stein already had served prison time.


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#203512 - 02/04/08 11:49 AM Re: Article and response [Re: Curtis St. John]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I'm still so confused Curtis, society has made a mess of what I should think. In the past year I KNOW I was victimized but yet I still feel that I should not worry about looking for punishment for my rapist. I feel, ok it happened, yes she was wrong, yes I need some help to deal with all this aftermath, but again I don't want to look for justice in this situation. I still feel like it wasn't worthy of punishment for her. Just a simple mistake on her part. I have a real hard time thinking that a female should be punished for her actions. If it was a male I would like to see them rot in hell but foir a woman I still have this stupid thought that it was okay that she made a mistake, even though it cost me my life.

I could handle the pain, I could handle the lifetime of work I now have to do. What I can't handle is the mixed messages I have. Their driving me crazy.

I'm so confused. It hurts to be so confused

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#203770 - 02/05/08 09:08 PM Re: Article and response [Re: mogigo]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mike,

Perhaps it would help if you look at the abuse not in terms of the sex, but in terms of the betrayal of trust and misuse of power that were involved. Try to place the focus on what YOU deserved as a boy. Sexual abuse of children doesn't just "happen". Perps of both sexes try that excuse when they can, but it isn't true. You were abused not because some woman "unfortunately made a mistake", but because she had thought this through in advance and saw an opportunity to claim a victim.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#203771 - 02/05/08 09:10 PM Re: Article and response [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Curtis,

Great letter! That's the kind of thing the public needs to see to take CSA issues more seriously.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#203776 - 02/05/08 10:46 PM Re: Article and response [Re: roadrunner]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks so much Larry, I've thought about it and she put her plan into action the day before it happened, let alone when she came up with the plan to begin with. If it was murder it would be the difference between 1st and 2nd degree murder, the death penalty or life.

When I'm here I hate her guts and I want to see some justice, when I'm in the world I see faces and people and I don't feel those things at all, I just want to say "don't worry about it, I'll be okay".

It's society that has made me want to "suck it up". they're wrong.

Much love right back at ya
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#203892 - 02/06/08 04:59 PM Re: Article and response [Re: mogigo]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6374
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
One VERY popular Boston radio talk show has a host who comments on these Woman/Boy SA cases every time they hit the newswires. He and his gang of regular callers say things like:

What the bleep are they complaining about? This woman is a saint! Every boy over 11 dreams of finding such a woman.

And people wonder why we dont disclose?!?!?!
Makes me want to drive to the studio and educate him sometime.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#203975 - 02/07/08 08:28 AM Re: Article and response [Re: Still]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
I agree 100% Robbie! I hear this crap from people I work with when these kinds of things are in the news. I usually just clam up and keep to myself, but I'm always seething inside, holding back the rage at these peoples complete and utter ignorance. If it ever comes up on a day where I'm feeling overly aggressive, it'll come out, and it won't be in a nice or friendly fashion.

People say ignorance is bliss, HA!!!, I say ignorance just ticks me off!!

As for the woman who hurt me, I wanted to pay her back big time, but now that I've found out her life is a miserable and worthless existence, I don't feel so bad. I know, it's probably a bit sick on my part to feel that way. My sister knows her oldest daughter, and apparently her daughter is raising not only her children, but her younger sisters because her mom is doped out on one drug or another constantly and like her step dad, spends the rest of the time drinking.

Sorry if I seem ticked, I'm definitely in a angry and aggressive place today.


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#204285 - 02/09/08 09:45 AM Re: Article and response [Re: JustScott]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Do you have the name of the DJ and where he works?


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#204582 - 02/10/08 02:08 PM Re: Article and response [Re: Curtis St. John]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6374
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Yes I do....Not a DJ...he's a talkshow host. VERY popular in Boston. I'll PM you if you wish.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#204588 - 02/10/08 02:55 PM Re: Article and response [Re: Still]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Please do pm.


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