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#2033 - 06/11/05 05:35 AM double life (probably triggers)
24yearsandcounting Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/04
Posts: 44
I don't lead one, but I know someone that does. She really gets off being both things. On the outset a do everything mom, at home a pedifile, prostitute, drug addict, etc. I know she was abused as a kid too, and that had something to do w/ her choices in life.
What have you people done to not repeat what happened to you?
This person wants it all, -she wants things 200% gets a rush out of living both lifestyles at once. She made a differance for me once, then when I got to know her, all that went down the toilet, and everything I've learned since then has been on my own. I've held it together hoping I'd find something about her that is true, good, and can turn away from the dark side etc, but she is stuck on her double standard lifestyle. She commits some serious crimes, then condemns them excusing herself w/ when other people do the same thing. It's got to be some kind of personality, superiority, issue.
Anyway, back on topic:
How have you people learned to break the cycle of abuse in your lives?

_________________________
24yearsandcounting

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#2034 - 06/11/05 05:44 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
Soccer Kid Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/04
Posts: 273
Loc: Missouri


_________________________
~Zach~
Deviant of Many Talents

"Reality is just an illusion."

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#2035 - 06/11/05 05:50 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Quote:
Originally posted by 24yearsandcounting:
I don't lead one, but I know someone that does. She really gets off being both things. On the outset a do everything mom, at home a pedifile, prostitute, drug addict, etc.
Have you reported her to the local authorities so they can rescue the children who are being abused by her?

_________________________
Eddie

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#2036 - 06/11/05 05:52 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
Soccer Kid Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/04
Posts: 273
Loc: Missouri


_________________________
~Zach~
Deviant of Many Talents

"Reality is just an illusion."

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#2037 - 06/11/05 12:14 PM Re: double life (probably triggers)
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I believe you have posted once before of this situation, of how this person is abusing both her children, and continues because no one has done anything to stop her. That is more then a pedophile. It is a child molester.

Quote:
Originally posted by 24yearsandcounting:

Anyway, back on topic:
How have you people learned to break the cycle of abuse in your lives?
Frankly, for me, it is quite simple. The abuse, physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual, totally has f*ed me up for quite some time. I am aware of it, and dealing with it. But never would I be so inhuman and beyond redemption to fathom f*ing up another person, specially a child. I do not mean to sound superior or perfect, God knows I am neither. But to 'break the cycle', it just is a 'no brainer' for me. I can not imagine to continue it. I can find my power and strength and control in life in much better and other ways.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#2038 - 06/12/05 03:32 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
24yearsandcounting Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/04
Posts: 44
I'm not going to royally screw up my life by getting jammed up by dirty cops or govenment officials or whatever. I've learned that she has a extended history of this and she is still free to this day. The boys she has molested before have grown up. To me, they are obviously out of whack. One has had phobia about going outside, one girl is anorexic, although that might not have anything to do w/ it, but I wouldn't be surprised if their was a connection. Rumors and etc, on and on, all true I'll bet. I'm sure the cops and others know already, just waiting to stomp on the first person to talk. Unfortunately I've got a feeling she will walk and go on to commit worse crimes against humanity. I'm not going to get slammed by this. She can really put on a real, honest to God show of being a pillar of the community, I had hoped that she could embrace that, not abuse her position. Little late for that, but now she has a bunch of corrupted people on her side also into the same junk.

"watch your thoughts because they become actions" I've heard of some definitions of a pedifile that include the desire to have sex with minors, so watch what you think already.

_________________________
24yearsandcounting

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#2039 - 06/12/05 05:08 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11028
Loc: Denver, CO
"It simply means they have a sexual interest in children, it's when they act on it that it becomes a problem."

A sexual interest in children already strikes me as something someone would not want in the first place. Having something someone does not want makes it a problem already.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#2040 - 06/12/05 05:11 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
Soccer Kid Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/04
Posts: 273
Loc: Missouri


_________________________
~Zach~
Deviant of Many Talents

"Reality is just an illusion."

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#2041 - 06/12/05 06:49 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
parttimecop Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 139
Quote:
Originally posted by Soccer Kid:
I've never had a desire to repeat my abuse in the sense you are talking about. The mere thought of me being a paedophile makes me want to vomit. I love kids, but at the same time am scared to death of them. They are odd creatures. I use the word "creatures" because they feel alien to me. I never was a child, maybe physically, but not emotionally. The thought that I could rob a child of that...no way.

I work with abused kids and I know what it does to them, I'm living it myself too you know? But how is the cycle broken? I don't know. I think being a weird sicko paedophile is a choice, I chose not to repeat my abuse, others may decide to repeat it. Could be confusion, could be a chemical thing and the fact they were abused is incidental. Who knows? If you figure it out though I'm sure the APA would love to hear from you heh.

I don't repeat my abuse, never had any desire to, but I do know people who may be repeating it, but I don't know for certain.
You have some very good points. I feel much the same as you do as far as children being alien creatures.

As far as repeating the cycle, one thing that goes through my head is "I have gone through it, I could not cause it to happen to another." If I ever thought I was going to do anything like that I would probably kill myself. This is not a suicide threat, it is just that if I got that low I would be at a point where that might be the most honorable action. I would hope to have just enough courage to do what is most right.

Like you I don't know why I never went that path. God's grace may be my best answer. I was abused and I don't have much of a social life. So some ingrediants are there. But the pure evil require to so use another is not there. I am not saying I am a good man as I have some bad qualities, just that I am not evil enough to abuse a child. I would rather be hurt myself. At least then I know I am capable of dealing with the hurt.


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#2042 - 06/13/05 07:43 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
Quote:
Soccer Kid wrote ~ ... I don't like paedophiles...but...
Who are you rationalizing for, Zach ? Who are you defending ? Who are you justifying, or excusing ?


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#2043 - 06/13/05 05:17 PM Re: double life (probably triggers)
sabooka Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also
I am expecting my first born child in September. It was partly beacause of this news that I was able to break the barriers of my own SA. My first reaction when I put the two together was OH NO, am I going to do the same thing? The more I explored myself I realized that I could never repeat the actions done to me. The reason I could never do it is because I am dealing with the pain and distrust and abuse and alination and all the other problems associated with SA. The fact that I know and am dealing with it gives me the comfort for knowing that I could never commit these crimes.

Now about your "friend" who is abusing children, I am sorry, but for me there is no excuse as to not getting involved. As a surviver I can not see how you can say that it is not your problem. Were you not a child that was abused? Do you not feel responsible for helping to put an end to these horrible cycles. I realize that you are scared and I would be to, but there are still somethings that are more important than our fears and children being abused is definetly one of them.

I am sorry if I am coming on too strong but the idea of not doing anything to protect these children to me is in fact like taking part in thier abuse. Silence is not an option in this case.

Jonathan

_________________________
My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

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#2044 - 06/13/05 07:07 PM Re: double life (probably triggers)
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Guys I feel I have to post Danny's reply in another thread. Please, Please try not to be confrontational and respect the fact that we are all in different stages of healing.

Danny wrote
The mod team would like to remind everyone of the statement governing behavior on the Discussion Board as specified in the Discussion Board Guidelines:


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
accept that our guiding principle is to keep the site safe and open to recovery issues for everyone. The primary goal for all of us should be to maintain Restraint and Respect.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Restraint and Respect means no personal attacks on individuals either on the Discussion Board or in private messages.

Divisive and emotionally charged rhetoric are very exhausting and deplete precious energy that is needed to devote to our primary goal:
to help and support each other in our recovery from the effects of sexual abuse.

Please exercise restraint and show respect to each other.

Any perceived violation of the Discussion Board guidelines should be reported to the Moderator staff. We take all reports very seriously and work very diligently to maintain a safe and effective place for men to recover. It is not easy.

I would ask that in the future all members consider editting their posts that violate the Restraint and Respect rule after you have been notified of that by the moderator staff.

Please, please for the sake of those who are here to work on the all important task of recovery from sexual abuse, drop these personality conflicts and power driven arguments.

They have no place here on the board and will not be tolerated.

We have asked individuals and the group involved in this discussion to refrain from further outbursts of personal attacks, yet they continue.

This thread is being closed as it has strayed far from its original topic and has degenerated into destructive comments that are in clear violation of the Restraint and Respect guideline.

The Moderator staff and Board members are well aware of the current climate on the discussion board. Publicly belittling or attacking other members is not going to make the situation any better and in fact is only adding to problems here.

Remember: Restraint and Respect!

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#2045 - 06/16/05 03:45 AM Re: double life (probably triggers)
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
never mind


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