Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
beginning (34), Gary H. (41), jewelmom (63), kdg2310 (55), Li Yuki (2014), monarchnaps (36), Neverquit (30), Nord (58), SoSad (45)
Who's Online
6 registered (Obi, finallyhere, 4 invisible), 31 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63786 Topics
445432 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#203201 - 02/02/08 03:55 PM Anger stemmed from abuse? *Possible Triggers*
rehpotsirhcs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 204
The only thing I hate more than SAMS is being dragged there by my own mother. I don't need to go with her every time she goes to the store. I feel like I have no say in my life, no power, no control....

SAMS is almost as bad as WALMART! I didn't think anything could come close to the chaotic idiots who surround you in WALMART, but SAMS did today. Talk about a total nightmare! People were bumping into me, carts were flying everywhere, and I could hardly breathe.

I needed to escape all of this AND escape my mother so I went into the bathroom. I spend most of the school day in the bathroom so I felt like it would soothe me. It didn't. The bathroom was too overcrowded... I felt like being shoved in a small room with a lot of men was the last thing I needed on top of my anxiety, so I ran out of there. I ran down aisle after aisle looking for an empty oasis....

I finally found an aisle filled with couches on display so I sat down on a couch. For a while it was nice because I could relax and breathe in peace, but it didn't last forever. An old lady, with her grandson sitting in the cart, started coming down the aisle. The lady stopped when she saw me and asked "Are you tired?" in a condescending voice as if she were talking to a two year old. I gave her my usual response: silence. I was trying to figure out if she seriously wanted me to answer her rhetorical question when she asked me if "the cat got my tongue".

The anger caused me to jump up. For some reason I screamed "YES MA'AM I'M TIRED, THANK YOU" in a not-so-nice tone and as I was briskly walking away from her I heard a loud "YOU'RE WELCOME" behind me. I don't know why she said "you're welcome"...Maybe she thought it was a good come-back...? Hopefully she was not so stupid she thought I was serious. I don't know a whole lot of women, but from personal experience with my mother I can say stupidity is common.

My mom was just so happy I was back to help her load stuff into the car. I mostly just threw everything as hard as I could into the truck and I pushed the cart, not caring which direction it was headed, when I was done. It hit the back of a car and sent a car alarm blaring but mom was being too stupid to notice it at the time.

The whole ride home the only thing I could think about was stabbing the old woman repeatedly. I just wanted to take a knife and stab her over and over...in her head, chest, genitals, everywhere! I wanted her to bleed to death.

I guess I wrote all of this because it makes me feel better to type it out and I want to know if this anger shit is stemmed from abuse? I can't tell how it is or if it is.



Edited by ModTeam (02/02/08 06:42 PM)

Top
#203205 - 02/02/08 04:30 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: rehpotsirhcs]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I can relate to that Chris. I think it comes from the abuse. I think that because it has messed up my head and my emotions I cannot relate to other "normals" on their superficial level. Being angry all the time and not knowing why. Leaves me feeling outside. If that makes any sense. Not part of normal life because I am not "normal life". I even feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Restless, irratable and just flat not wanting to deal with the world in general. Wanting to hide away from everything and everyone and just curl up in a ball and not think.
Not being able to do that and having to deal with everyday life is a great anoyance. So yeah I think it is definately from the abuse and maybe a T could help with better coping skills that would be less disruptive and damaging to relationships that I really need in my life.


Roger


Top
#203212 - 02/02/08 06:27 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: Freedom49]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Yeah, I was abused too, and for a long time I had all this terrible anger like you, that I felt bad about having. It gotten less and less. Used to try to write it out, sometimes in angry scrawls across the page. I agree with Roger that their are damaging ways to let it out, but writing here seems to be a good way. I used to get in arguments with peoplel, my family so much, so easily. My brother especially.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#203238 - 02/02/08 09:13 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: LandOfShadow]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
Up until very recently I always just assumed I had a bad temper. Now I realize I have nasty anger issues. I agree with you totally, I hate Walmart or any other over crowded store full of idiots who are running around all over the place with no where to go.

I can gaurantee that anger comes out of abuse. I'm not saying that if you're not abused you won't be angry, but anger is definately one of the things that it causes. Right now I'm definately irritable, angry, and yes, there are times I just want to throttle someone. No, it's not very nice, but it's what I'm feeling.


Top
#203249 - 02/02/08 10:13 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: JustScott]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Chris,

Anger is a common problem when we're in our teen years. There are a lot of changes in ourselves and in the way we view the world, and when things don't go right it can be very frustrating. My sister Cathie was never abused, but I can recall how we were 100% agreed on what an idiot our controlling and unreasonable mother was.

That said, yes, it's also a survivor issue - for teens as well as for adults. Once we start to look at things and face what's going on we have a LOT to be angry about. What happened to us isn't fair. We often judge ourselves and get mad because we think we should have "known better" or done things differently, to keep safe. It's easy to think that no one could ever understand or really care. And almost all of the teens I have ever talked to wonder if there's such a thing as a safe adult.

Like I said, a lot to be angry about.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#203260 - 02/02/08 10:59 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: roadrunner]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Does the angry ever go away? It doesn't seem like it will.


Top
#203359 - 02/03/08 03:32 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: Dude.]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Christopher and Dude.

I think coming here and talking about it is a good way to deal with the anger and other intense feelings. It's different for everyone, but I think the feelings will become less intense with time. I was reading about grief the other day, and how you have to grieve your abuse. It seems often you can be angry at everyone and everything, or even angry at yourself for something you had no control over. I hope with time that your anger can be focussed on the right person, and that you are able to move past it.

Your anger does seem pretty intense, Christopher, and I hope you are able to talk with somebody about it in persson. Talking in person can be a huge help.

Keith


Top
#203363 - 02/03/08 03:40 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: KeithR]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Sometimes for me the anger can be a good thing. There's a lot of energy in that anger, when I am depressed. It gets me to act for ME, and not sink into depression.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#203412 - 02/03/08 09:03 PM Re: Anger stemmed from abuse? [Re: LandOfShadow]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I do not know ever I had the anger so much as that. For a long time, I never felt any anger at all, unless it was at myself. My father always use to say that anger is a worthless emotion. That you just need to find what you are angry about, fix it if you can, ignore it if you can't fix it. So I guess that is what I done for long time. Now, sometime I get annoyed or even angry about some things, but really, I do not think it is any more then anyone who have not been abused. And maybe, really less then people who not been abused. Part because maybe that is just how is mine personality, and also part because, when you have had such bad things in your life, perhaps you do better at the 'don't sweat the small stuff'.

andrei


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.