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#20327 - 05/20/03 08:00 PM Re: Was it Abuse?????
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
i know i love her i know i love my family and would do any thing for them but i always seem too run and hide not for long but for a night when all i want to do is ignore the world and hide with in
Jason, I know the feeling & the experience... \:\(

Quote:
Maybe the truth is that I didn't tell because I liked the attention he gave me, and I liked most of the whole sexual experience. But I do know that it was not just the violence that was abusive, the whole thing was. He used my neediness to play with me. It got to the place where it was worth the beatings and strangling to have those times with him. He knew I would feel that way. But he never gave up on the thing he knew for sure would make me never tell--the extreme violence.
(((Bob))) that's a gentle hug or pat on the back or wave of love or concern or whatever you can handle my friend. \:\(

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#20328 - 05/22/03 03:29 AM Re: Was it Abuse?????
bowman Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
One of my abusers was my mother, and a lot of times I doubt myself because she never did anything overtly sexual, just had me sleep with her and showering with me until I was twelve,(is there a graemlin for throwing up?) and also making constant sexual comments on my body.
I doubt myself a lot. I think that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or that I'm some kind of perv for putting the sexual connotation in the relationship.
Here's the thing: when I doubt myself I feel like I have to die, I don't deserve to live, there's something fundamentally wrong with me, I brought all the crap into my life becuase of who I am, etc.....

When I trust myself, I feel like maybe I can be a part of the human race, like maybe I can make the rest of my life into something rewarding, maybe I can build some good relationships, maybe I can be a whole man.

So, for me that's the choice. I literally can't live a life without trusting myself. Right now I can't hold on to this all the time, but I'm working on it.

Jason, be gentle with yourself. Stirring up these feelings seems to be a process that's two steps forward, one step back. Thanks for posting this topic.

Quote:
Bob wrote:
But I do know that it was not just the violence that was abusive, the whole thing was. He used my neediness to play with me.
You are right about it all being abuse. Sexual abuse isn't just about physical pain, its all the other twisted dynamics that play out.

--Ken


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#20329 - 05/22/03 05:39 AM Re: Was it Abuse?????
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
Hey Jason,

It seems to me like they always try to convince you it was all your idea or at least partially your idea. What a bunch of crap.

Quote:
Perps don't have to be mean and violent, they just have to be in control.
My perp laughed at me because when I was twelve when he filmed me for the last time he pointed out that I was taller than him. It was like he was making fun of me for not beating him up as if a twelve year old would beat up his adult neighbor he was taught to trust his whole childhood. This enraged me when I remembered the abuse, because I know now he was trying to make me think I intentionally didnt do anything about it because I knew what I was doing and I wanted the whole thing to happen. What a bunch of crap. I also talked to a guy who was raped who was built like an nfl linebacker, I was telling him that I was shocked that someone of his size could be raped, and I think it upset him because maybe it made him feel like he could have stopped it but just didnt. Not true.

Quote:
Perps don't have to be mean and violent, they just have to be in control.
It helped me alot to remember specifically how my perp and attempted perps when to such extreme lengths to get control over me mentally. I dont know if that would help you, but it helped me, because I didnt feel so bad when I remembered what I was thinking at the time.

Peace
MO Healing


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#20330 - 05/22/03 09:39 AM Re: Was it Abuse?????
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
[qb] One of my abusers was my mother, and a lot of times I doubt myself because she never did anything overtly sexual, just had me sleep with her and showering with me until I was twelve,(is there a graemlin for throwing up?) and also making constant sexual comments on my body.
Ken, one of my abusers, the main one, was my mother. She did a lot of the stuff you mention, but there was also some over stuff...

Here's our graemlin:


Quote:
[QB]I doubt myself a lot. I think that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or that I'm some kind of perv for putting the sexual connotation in the relationship.
I used to think that too sometimes. But no Ken we're not the pervs...

Quote:
[QB] Here's the thing: when I doubt myself I feel like I have to die, I don't deserve to live, there's something fundamentally wrong with me, I brought all the crap into my life becuase of who I am, etc.....
If you doubt yourself my friend then what else is there?

Quote:
[QB] When I trust myself, I feel like maybe I can be a part of the human race, like maybe I can make the rest of my life into something rewarding, maybe I can build some good relationships, maybe I can be a whole man.
Of course you do. And you can. We can.

Quote:
[QB] So, for me that's the choice. I literally can't live a life without trusting myself. Right now I can't hold on to this all the time, but I'm working on it.
Ken, keep holding on. Keep listening to the right voices, especially your own. Trust yourself.

Quote:
[QB] Jason, be gentle with yourself. Stirring up these feelings seems to be a process that's two steps forward, one step back. Thanks for posting this topic.
Ken you're so right. And thank you for summarizing
this so well & putting it into such simple & powerful words.

Quote:
Bob wrote:
But I do know that it was not just the violence that was abusive, the whole thing was. He used my neediness to play with me.
You are right about it all being abuse. Sexual abuse isn't just about physical pain, its all the other twisted dynamics that play out.

--Ken [/quote]

Yes Bob is right.

In the last couple years I've read all kinds of definitions of what sexual abuse is. They all say pretty much what you're saying, Ken. It's not just intercourse or blatantly sexual acts. It's all the sexual touches, looks, words, exposures, etc etc ad nauseum.

Getting this stuff out of my system is a key to feeling better! \:D

Take care Ken

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#20331 - 05/23/03 08:22 AM Re: Was it Abuse?????
bowman Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
Thanks Victor.

Ken


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#20332 - 05/23/03 11:39 AM Re: Was it Abuse?????
confused_n_alone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 31
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
when i started this post i had no idea that it would have so much of a inpact here
every body here has been so supportive and i have to take this oppertunity to say thanx to every body that has responded to it..

Confused n alone

Jason

_________________________
A Jouney starts with one step
A Trip starts With Friends

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#20333 - 05/23/03 11:45 AM Re: Was it Abuse?????
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Jason
Quote:
A Jouney starts with on step
A Trip starts With Friends
see jason you are not alone. You are a brother wolf and we are all moving forward together

The Pack be with you. (Iguess I stole that)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#20334 - 05/23/03 01:26 PM Re: Was it Abuse?????
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Ken:

YW. And thank you too.

Jason:

Quote:
when i started this post i had no idea that it would have so much of a inpact here
every body here has been so supportive and i have to take this oppertunity to say thanx to every body that has responded to it..
That's the power of this place, the people here, and posting here. Thank you for starting this thread.

Mike:

Quote:
The Pack be with you. (Iguess I stole that)
Maybe so wolf brother. But I like it!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#20335 - 05/23/03 01:49 PM Re: Was it Abuse?????
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Jason supporting eachother is what we do. We lean on one another when we need to, and we let our fellow wolves lean on us we they need to. When I found this board just over a year ago, I was lost, scared, and felt alone. My brothers here post reply's to my threads and showed me that not everyone is out to hurt me. Some do really care about me as a person not an object. You've found a good place. You've found a safe place. Good luck with your journey, your among friends here and we take each step with you.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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