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#203017 - 02/01/08 10:48 AM Alone Was Worse
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Do you know, my friend, how important you are?
Do you know that, when you love me, I can love myself?
And that when I do not hear from you
I assume that it is me who has done something
And that you may never write again?
Oh, I know that this is wrong
Unfounded
Thinking that the world revolves around myself
All of those things
Another reason to bury myself in my corner of self-pity
Or is it my corner of fear
Or self-hate
Or rejection
I can never quite tell which
The corner is the same no matter which
Dark
Cold
All curled up, alone
Looking out into the dark
And a note from you can mean I'm okay
That I'm all right
Someone loves me
That he was wrong
Do people understand, that, when they slip away, they leave us stranded
Wondering why
What we've done
With no good-bye
He left me that way
Took his love from me and left
And I went on
A kid
Went on and played with my cars and trucks
Stoic
Because that's the way kids are.....they just go on
But, when he was through with me
He never came back to get me
Abuse?
Who gives a shit
It felt like love
It was touching
He was there
Then he was gone
Alone was worse

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#203053 - 02/01/08 03:53 PM Re: Alone Was Worse [Re: Bobby]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Thanks for that Bobby. That says a lot about what I have felt for so long. You articulate my fears and sadness. Keep writing

Roger


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#203057 - 02/01/08 04:00 PM Re: Alone Was Worse [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

I so appreciate your feelings about this. I wish it hadn't happened. It was unfair and cruel. Some people give no thought at all to the impact of what they do.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#203085 - 02/01/08 08:57 PM Re: Alone Was Worse [Re: roadrunner]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
I live every line. I have learned well, how to always be at fault and always be unworthy. I think healthy people just naturally trust enough that when they are separated or not responded to right away they still feel ok and don’t consider that things have taken a turn for the worst. or that they are being abandoned because of their flaws or lack of something attractive and lovable.
I believe there is a window to learn that trust and if it isn’t learned within that time-frame we play “catch up” or “fill in the void” for a loooong time, and there are WE. I may not respond often and neither must you. We all have our lives going on, but I’ll work on trusting you when your away and hope that you will work on trusting me when I’m away.
Maybe we can watch each other grow out of this prison of self disgust.
I am in love with the concept of the ascending spirit and I think we survivors seem to be experiencing it more than most people. Any time a survivor comes to mind I experience a feeling of compassion and tenderness. You are my friend, Bobby, and I love you!!! Thanks!!
Dan

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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