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#203185 - 02/02/08 01:28 PM Re: How much of my life can I blame on my abuser? [Re: Hauser]
MDR Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/06
Posts: 48
Jason,

I've been struggling with the same thing. Where do I draw the line and when do I stop blaming. Intellecutally, I know I can't remain a victim forever because then I'll never reach my potential in life. I have to be accountable and take control at some point. For me, its been a process and I experience glimpses of taking control and being accountable. Its a great feeling when that happens.

However, I'm really struggling in concerns to my childhood. Hopes and dreams! Shattered! I get so fucking angry about that. I never talk in detail about these things, except with my therapist.

Fuck, I always wanted to be a professional baseball player. I had scouts looking at me and was almost signed, except for the fact that I came to the tryout hungover. The scout wanted to sign me, but I wreaked of alochol from being hungover. There are so many things that I wanted to do and I blame all this shit on my abusers. Low self esteem and such. God, I want to explode.

Jason, I'm sorry for going on a tangent about this. After all, this post is about you. Maybe you should get angry and tell yourself that you won't let the abuse ruin you. Take the power back! You have to want it! I don't know, Jason. Don't let your abuser control you. You are a strong man!


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#203190 - 02/02/08 02:46 PM Re: How much of my life can I blame on my abuser? [Re: Hauser]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Originally Posted By: Hauser
I would start asking your parents questions and look at what you were like before you were being sexually abused by your perp brother. Were you overweight as a little boy? If you look to food as a coping mechanism, I would put about 99% of the blame on that perp brother of yours, if you were ALWAYS overwieght and simply never addressed it as you grew older, then I would put a little more blame on yourself. Were you always overweight Jason?


No, I wasn't always overweight, as a matter of fact there was a point in my childhood (somewhere between 7-10) where I had bad allergies and my mother took me to all these doctors and I was put on a rather strict diet (including no food coloring, etc) and I was "as thin as a rail". As a matter of fact, I was drinking Snapple before snapple was popular, they had a colorless rootbeer ("Tru Root Beer"), that I had to get from a healthfood store. That didn't go on too long as we weren't seeing any difference and she couldn't bear to make me eat like that. I regained normal weight and I think it wasn't until high school (my abuse took place in 7th grade) till I started to really started to become overweight. I do believe I use it to cope, when I'm depressed, bored, etc. So I guess your 99% blame to my brother would be accurate.

But as everyone else is saying, I need to take responsibility to getting myself back to normal weight again

Jason


_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#203193 - 02/02/08 03:01 PM Re: How much of my life can I blame on my abuser? [Re: onlyakid]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I am not sure how much of my life now I would want to blame on my abuse or my abusers. Because to me, it just seems that is inviting them back into power in my life. Just is my thinking I guess. I know I have damage 'because of them'. But I know that some of it is damage 'because I haven't fixed me yet'. I would rather take the power of it onto myself that way, usually. It just give me more hope of being 'fixed'.

andrei


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