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#202442 - 01/29/08 11:05 PM Another Front
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
(a mean letter from late last night)

Last night, I woke up
Saw this angel
He flew in my window
And he said, "Girl,
Pretty proud of yourself, huh?"
And I looked around and I said, "Who, me?"
---Laurie Anderson



Read my old posts—who wrote that stuff?
You. Yeah, you! I know your voice.
So calm, so caring and soooo eager to help
It’s the voice of books, seasoned with analogies
Just a touch of warmth. Even hints of a parable.
Your chirpy optimism makes me grind my teeth.
Have it all figured out, don’t you?
Everyone’s life from way up there
Didn’t catch the part where you tell them about the guys at the party on Saturday
Ten or so? The carpet burns under your knees
Have more to say than your memories
(“Better than the carpet burns on his back!”)
Missed the part about the porn
And being too shit scared to call a doctor
Or a therapist
Or even a damn mechanic
And how you get close to guy after guy
More afraid of getting close than you
You run away by proxy and it’s never your fault
Pretty proud of yourself, huh?
Coward!
You’re just another front, MemoryVault – another way to impress.
There, there. Good survivor.
Funny how you can post the deepest thoughts you have
And still be alone and lying


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#202446 - 01/29/08 11:12 PM Re: Another Front [Re: MemoryVault]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Man that makes me hurt. But I get the scenario, I get the feeling.

Roger


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#202460 - 01/29/08 11:41 PM Re: Another Front [Re: Freedom49]
John Ireland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/02
Posts: 155
Loc: Chicago
you'll NEVER walk alone mystical MemoryVault... & recently i FULLy discovered what i call my F.A.B. self... & YOUr heartfelt poem here inspires me on my pathway i MUST NOW journey...at times i AM & WILL be alone & i actually embrace the electic meanings of this & NEVER DREAMED i would... thank you for YOUr +++++++++++++++++++ energy :):):)

always dream~~~dare~~~dive, john :):):)


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#202587 - 01/30/08 01:24 PM Re: Another Front [Re: John Ireland]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Thanks, guys.

Feel strange about this one now. What I was upset about was that I seem to write with a voice that sounds much more together than I actually am. But I deserve to own the good things I say and think. I shouldn't feel that I can't say those things if I haven't worked it all out in my life.

I'm glad I dared myself to post this--If I can't be scared and angry here, I can't be anywhere.


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#202731 - 01/31/08 02:30 AM Re: Another Front [Re: MemoryVault]
John Ireland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/02
Posts: 155
Loc: Chicago
i AM glad YOU DARED YOUrself too... & feel free to feel strange... i relate more than you know... & YOU totally deserve to "BE YOU" in ALL YOUr emotions... write on~~~rite on~~~RIGHT ON!!! you'll NEVER walk alone :):):)

& always dream~~~dare~~~dive dude, john :):):)


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#202848 - 01/31/08 03:34 PM Re: Another Front [Re: John Ireland]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
David,

I think you will find that we all do some version of what you are talking about. That is, we don't come right out with the whole story; we "negotiate" with others and try out bits of what we have to say, testing their reactions before we try more.

But should that surprise us? This isn't a matter of lying, it's an issue of trust, bro. We have all been desperately hurt at an especially vulnerable time of our lives and it isn't easy to rebuild the trust and confidence that real candor requires. In fact, I think it takes even more to come out and say what you are telling us here.

I think it's also important to bear in mind that we don't owe anyone information about ourselves. Where really sensitive matters are concerned we do need to be careful. We should come forward with information as we feel safe about it and in ways that we feel will help us.

Here again it's not a matter of lying. We are just making ourselves a priority, which is something we all need to do in order to heal. We can't give to others strength that we don't first have for ourselves.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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