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#202320 - 01/29/08 01:46 PM Will the inquiry ever stop?
OneLifeOnly Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 12
Hello everyone again, since I've started coming here I learned a lot about my case. But no matter what therapeutic information I can find to console me, I still have it in my head. Why does it keep coming up in my head? Even after all I know, it just wants to stick there. Lately, I been questioning myself this one, why didn't I just say "No" and refuse to comply with his demands, he was just about my age and he couldn't really threaten me with anything. And if it's important, I was six years old and he was seven.

thanks, and I wish everyone could find these incidents shouldn't bear any weight on their lives.


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#202325 - 01/29/08 01:56 PM Re: Will the inquiry ever stop? [Re: OneLifeOnly]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
OneLifeOnly,
I am with you. I wish these incidents would not bear any weight in our lived but unfortunately they do. They make deep inpressions on us when we are that young because we don't have enought life experiences to deal with them. We don't know how to deal with the strong emotions they elicit from us and so we stuff them till we can deal. It is a part of us now but does not define who we are. It is what happened to us. Like a very bad car wreck. We will have scars from this but we will heal and move on. Will the stuff in our head ever go away? Probably not but it will lose it's grip eventually on our lives with help and work and love.


Roger



Edited by Freedom49 (01/29/08 01:57 PM)

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#202327 - 01/29/08 02:06 PM Re: Will the inquiry ever stop? [Re: Freedom49]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2578
So similar to me. I was 6 or 7. Oldest boy was actually a month or two younger than me, his brother and sister each a year or so younger than that. If you were like me, you didn't even know what was really being suggested or asked about. I feel the same way sometimes, wondering why I didn't say no, but I realize that is from my adult perspective, where I know and understand what was going on looking back. The timing for me was hard as well. We had just moved not even a year before, so I had no friends. I didn't really connect with other kids my age and spent allot of time alone. Then some new kids come along and want to play. As a 6 year old kid, I hadn't a clue. I didn't say no, because I didn't know any better.

Hell 2 years later when a girl who was 12 or 13 starting wanting me to do things.... I still didn't know anything. I was a child. I thought like a child. I responded like a child.


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#202331 - 01/29/08 02:25 PM Re: Will the inquiry ever stop? [Re: JustScott]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
OLO,

You didn't understand what was going on, you were only six. A 'friend' asked you to do something for him (to him) and you did it even though you probably felt that something wasn't right. Peer pressure for young kids is pretty powerful. I know that I didn't want to rock the boat, I wanted to fit in, I wanted a friend and someone that I could talk to.

In my recovery process I've learned that there are all sorts of questions and sometimes there are no acceptable answers. I'll never know what was going on in someone else's head, why he was the way he was, why he did the things he did. I decided that what he did was not important to me; the consequences of what he did and how it affected me are important to me. I didn't need to forgive myself for being a trusting young boy who wanted a friend.

I hope that you find the answers or that the questions become less compelling to your well being. Try to remember that you were just a little kid who was manipulated into doing something that you didn't feel right doing.

Take care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#202463 - 01/29/08 11:49 PM Re: Will the inquiry ever stop? [Re: Stephen_5]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
OneLifeOnly,

I was 13, maybe even 14 when I a friend pressured me into engaging in what happened. I didn't want to do it, but through various means I broke down and agreed. There is no way I needed to do what happened; I see that. But I gave in. It kills me sometimes because I know it has had huge consequences in my life. But you know, this other person really put the pressure on and manipulated the situation. He got what he wanted. The guy even created for me an out that I think was part of the manipulation (I have never spoken about this and there is a lot of shame when I think about it; hopefully I can address more later). So needless to say, it has killed me inside in many ways, and when I look at all the damage, well sometimes I think I should just accepts my role in it all.

But that doesn't change the fact that this friend very much pressured and manipulated me into this, so I am starting to accept what I keep hearing; that this was a form of abuse, and it is okay for me to accept that it has caused a lot of damage. Now I just need to keep working on making things better.

Sorry to have gotten a little off onto my own story here. I guess I bring my stuff up just to say that even at 13 (or was it even 14?) one can end up going along with whatever the deal was because of not knowing how else to handle the situation they were in. At six and not knowing what to do, it was not your fault. And if it was traumatic for you, then that is real. But I think you can face it and grow and heal.

Eric


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#205578 - 02/16/08 09:33 PM Re: Will the inquiry ever stop? [Re: ericc]
OneLifeOnly Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 12
I know everything that you guys say is true, but why is it so hard to tell myself the simple truth of it all, yes I was too young to understand this stuff, yes it shouldn't bother me. But I'm still balancing cinder blocks on my head.

I feel like I've been in this situation for so long, that somehow I just can't leave it. Like my mind knows how much I delved into it, that I just can't forget about it now. It's not so much the abuse anymore that bothers me, it has now taken the form of questioning myself that bothers me, and distracts me from living. I just want to accept what happened so bad, and move away from it. But something intangible is holding me back.


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