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#202540 - 01/30/08 09:14 AM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: JustScott]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Abuse is a abuse! It doesn't matter what gender the abuser is. I think society and entertainment/media industry present these warped images of what is acceptable and cool....it is ok to have an older woman seduce a young man. As a result, people make these crazy statements. If people only understood the pain and suffering that survivors experienced, they might think twice about what they say.


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#202553 - 01/30/08 10:21 AM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: DanM]
Minute2Minute Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 70
Loc: MB, Canada
In my childhood, I was silent because to speak of it meant total abandonment, destruction of the family and death. In my teens, I never told because I was constantly stoned or drunk and I was creating the walls of denial that were my protection. When I sobered up, I intellectualized the pain to further my denial. I just accepted that I was damaged inside. By then, the talk show world was in full swing and I couldn't turn on the tv without seeing some sensationalized story of abuse. I would get so angry with anyone I saw talking about their abuse, because it was never about the abuse. It was usually someone who had done something very wrong, an abuser themselves, crying about how they were abused as a child. I remember once talking to the tv set with utter disdain and telling that person baring their soul that they were weak and quit using this as an excuse and just get over it. I'm guilty of being one of the insensitive and ignorant people that we have all come across. Secretly, I was angry at their strength for being able to talk about it at all. But, it made me think the world would see me as a vampire - I had been abused so therefore, I am programmed to repeat it. I did, however, tell two people during those years. Once was my girlfriend (who is still with me, God bless her) and one was my best friend (blurted out during a drunken discussion). I basically just said, "I was molested by my brother when I was a kid. I don't know what made him so screwed up to do that to me, but I'm over it and it wasn't my fault." Even in telling I was lying and denying. So I kept it away from myself and the world. Until now.


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#202554 - 01/30/08 10:34 AM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: Minute2Minute]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
i'm just beginning to get glimpses into that dark unremembered past. but already i have the overwhelming weight of utter humiliation. i'm certain my first perp used humiliation as his weapon to keep me silent.

m


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#202555 - 01/30/08 10:40 AM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: Still]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
We need a national education effort on this just like we have with drunk driving and smoking.



Rob I agree with you 1000%.

I am trying to start that effort with the Report to Congress I have been working on. If we get to the national and state legislatures we can change the laws to educate the public and provide the funding for resources for the HEALING we need. Working together we can change the world.



_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#202556 - 01/30/08 10:43 AM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: MarkK]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I was 6 or 7 when my older brother began SA'ing me. I do remember that I didn't even know what sex was yet. He was so mean to me and would come in my room night after night to abuse me. I do remember on 2 occasions I ran downstairs crying to my mom.

But the SA didn't stop. I just think I knew in my own little mind that either this abuse was just normal or that my mom didn't care about how her precious older son was abusing his little brother.

I knew my family would never understand or believe me. And even now when this SA does come out, they still will not believe me. I have not confronted my bro. yet, but I will and then as the saying goes, "the shit will hit the fan"

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#202575 - 01/30/08 12:29 PM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: Minute2Minute]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: Minute2Minute
Secretly, I was angry at their strength for being able to talk about it at all. But, it made me think the world would see me as a vampire - I had been abused so therefore, I am programmed to repeat it.


Aother huge aspect to our lives. Well put!

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#203178 - 02/02/08 12:08 PM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: JustScott]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Hello all
I'm new here ... gotta say I am feeling overwhelmed to finally found a place where so many of my feelings are reflected in the posts.

As to not telling ...
Well I told my father & he beat the crap outta me, I eventually told my brother & he continued the abuse.
I never told another soul until I sort help some 20 yrs later.

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#203180 - 02/02/08 12:25 PM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: arronb]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
WELCOME Arronb!

Very sorry that happened to you...Very sorry you even needed to look for this site....very glad you found us. There's a ton of understanding here. No one here will beat you up for disclosing anything.

_________________________
You are using 118 of the 300 allowed characters.

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#203448 - 02/04/08 12:12 AM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: Still]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Glad you found us, Aaronb! This is the place that you may never feel alone, isolated, weird or unusual because of your past! I can understand the hurt of telling your parents/family only to get beat and the abuse to continue by others. That's what happened to me! They made me feel that it must have been my doing, my mistake that caused the abuse. It affected me seeing myself as a bad...sexual...kid. Of course that was not true and never was!! My parents, right up until the time they died either ignored, denied or blamed me for whatever took place as a kid! After years of therapy and recovery, that's all in the past!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#203458 - 02/04/08 02:08 AM Re: Why I Never Told [Re: JustScott]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
When I finaly was forced to deal with being raped .I ended up in the psyc ward of the Oklahoma City VA Hospital for 15 days .
My Father came from California to be with me after I was released . We took a drive to Arkansas . , We stoped at a local small town dinner. and we talked about what had happened . While I was in the service. My father is a very easy going type of person that likes people . Telling him was something that hurt him deeply .
He did not say any thing for a while . But his face began to turn red and tears ran down his cheak . This is the only time that I ever saw him cry . Then he became angry . Not at me , But at the system that had failed to prosicute the criminal in 1977.
I wish that I could close the Pandoras box that was opened when the represed memorys came back . Something in me was destroyed that day .I have not bean the same person , sence haveing the break down I ended up loosing my job as an automotive technician . Because I could no longer keep my mind on what I was doing .I started to fuck up and was getting call backs
Because the only thing that I have ben able to focus on is finding the SOB, and getting my day in court . or at least five minutes alone with him
I wish that I could have my life back . I enjoyd being able to fix broken things .To see them working again gave me satisfaction
But I do not know how to fix a broken soul

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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