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#202073 - 01/28/08 05:34 PM Parents Came To Visit
MDR Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/06
Posts: 48
My parents came down to see me this weekend. They are great people and I don't blame them for anything that happened. When they found out about my sexual abuse, my dad had tears in his eyes and told me that he would have had things taken care of, if you know what I mean. Family is the most important thing to him. My mom is the same way.

It was great seeing them. However, I sometimes feel like that little boy around them who is hurting inside and praying for them to help me. I could never tell them because those assholes said that they would kill my family if I told. I love them to death, but sometimes when I look at them, its as if I wish they could have read my mind back then. Things would have been so much different.

They are very supportive. I'm very, very lucky to have them in my life. I feel guilty as well because there are so many of us who don't have support. I can't stand that and it brings me to tears sometimes. Fuck!!! Why can't we just all get the help we deserve!

I'm also accepting the fact that I can't change things. One thing that always bothered me was losing out on my dreams. However, I'm realizing that I'm here for a different reason now. Life is weird. You never where its gonna take you. Things have a funny way of reversing themselves. And I'm not talking about bad things. In this case, its good things. Life is becoming more clear. I pray to God that it only gets better and I continue doing the work.



Edited by MDR (01/28/08 05:42 PM)

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#202085 - 01/28/08 07:20 PM Re: Parents Came To Visit [Re: MDR]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
MDR----------------great post--------------i am happy for you----------------------to bad my parents werent like that------------long story--------they knew--------------didnt do shit-------------------------------steve


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#202098 - 01/28/08 07:58 PM Re: Parents Came To Visit [Re: sabata]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Thanks for sharing that, MDR. I think 'family' plays heavilly in all our abuse; from those who were abused by family, or those who's abuse was not prevented by family, CSA survivors almost always have mixed feelings.

I cannot believe my parents didn't see something wrong with my pre-adolescent years, I just can't. Yet, it happened. By not doing anything, they LET it happen.

I don't wamt to blame anybody except my Teacher, but there were a lot of other people who could have made a difference but didn't. I don't blame them, but I'm NOT going to be like them. I have kids of my own. We talk about this a lot.

Respectfully submitted,

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#202106 - 01/28/08 09:05 PM Re: Parents Came To Visit [Re: Lazarus]
Happy Birthday Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Thanks MDR for this post.

I am so glad to hear that you have a supportive family. How true it is that we can't change things, but it is just as true that we do have a great deal of control over our future. We can't change the past but we can change the future by the choices we make now.

Love ya
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#202110 - 01/28/08 09:21 PM Re: Parents Came To Visit [Re: Derdlecar]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Absolutely, Darrel. "The wounds will heal but the scars will remain so that I never forget." Or, "If you forget your history you are bound to repeat it."

My family is very supportive, from my generation down. My Mom is the senile matriarch of the family. Other than that are my two sisters, both older than me, both of them also CSA victims/survivors. I say it that way because one sister was definately repeatedly abused, and my other sister is in complete denial. She's also symptomatic of a CSA victim. (If you want the whole story, it's in the Survivor Stories archive, about a year ago...)

If you don't deal with it, if you don't seek help, if you are not self-aware enough, victims never become survivors. I have earned my badge of "Survivor of CSA" by being here, being at home with my kids, talking (and sometimes fighting) with my husband about it, being alone and thinking about it...

See my post in Off Topic... I'm trying to close the box.

Respectfully submitted;

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#202118 - 01/28/08 09:34 PM Re: Parents Came To Visit [Re: Derdlecar]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
MDR,

Man, you hit the nail on the head of what I have been thinking about a lot lately. I do a lot of what-if thinking and have started trying to see where I can move forward from today. I'll just say that the last paragraph of yours really hits home for me, and I hope I can find for myself that acceptance that you are talking about.

As far as family goes, they were not responsible for what happened to me, but I sure do seem to have those mixed feelings that Lazarus speaks of.

I just know I have got to learn to not let my anger get in the way my right to live a happy and positive life. I really want to keep up with doing whatever it takes to get there. I have seen improvements lately, but I know I have to keep it up. I have a feeling 'personal growth' is a life long affair.

Thanks,
Eric


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#202307 - 01/29/08 12:57 PM Re: Parents Came To Visit [Re: ericc]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
MDR, thanks for this post.

It is so good to hear you have safe and supportive people around you. I hope you will be feeling better andthey will also help you to realize the change you are doing for your life.

Alexey

_________________________
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(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
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When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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