My therapist tells me i have the typical "trauma repsonse" where i go from her making an innocent comment about a keyboard we didnt need right to her testing my patience therefore pick a fight.
Hmmm... I want to tell you about my experience with something like this that's played out over the last two years in therapy. My partner and I have been together 16 yrs--long time. We got into a pattern where basically my trauma response and his trauma response triggered each other. Mine causes his which increases mine which increases his which further increases mine... It gets completely overwhelming quickly. Fight, flight or shutdown. Or visaversa. His causes mine... We could never stop it for several years--long story.
My trauma is a wierd thing. Part of whats wierd is how it's so unconscious and automatic. I can't stop it, or used to even know it's happening. I had surgery recently, and when I was about to go under, I tried to remember, to feel the anesthetic taking effect. Missed it. Suddenly woke up in recovery. It's almost like that.
Over the last couple years I've learned to feel and notice lots of things in myself so that I can feel the trauma response coming on. It's as if for a whole year, I kept studying and learning about what happens in that 3 to 5 seconds where I loose it. I can now do things to break the cycle if I act quickly. So actually, it's not happened much at all for a number of months.
When you "get real fuckin irritated, sit and stew", top priority, stop, try things to calm down out of the trauma response. You're on automatic (not voluntary) in trauma. Take a 1/2 - 1 hour walk someplace really soothing, safe, quiet. Exercise hard--it expresses the fight response, lets it out. Get away from the situation a while. Can't really say what would work for you. It took me months to have a little success with it, quite a lot in a year.