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#201791 - 01/27/08 04:50 PM Magical Thinking
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
This may seem weird, but I will put it out there. When I was a kid, I used to imagine if I did this or that the abuse would stop. Or things would get better by such and such a time if this happened or I cleaned the kitchen really good and got alot of things done, I'd be okay and nothing would happen. I recently learned my T says it's magical thinking. he said it was my way of trying to create some control over my life when it was out of control. It makes sense to me.

Anyway it even carried into adulthood. I guess it is a way of bargaining for your own fate. Oddly enough I just this minute caught myself playing that game even still. It is like an automatic way to control something.

I wanted to put this out there and ask if others did or do that.
Thanks guys,
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#201792 - 01/27/08 04:59 PM Re: Magical Thinking [Re: Danbuff]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Yeh Dan,
I have done that all my life seems like. Bargaining with my dad by cleaning my room frequently. Doing extra reading in the bible. Not complaining about my sister and making sure he knew about it. If I let him look at me through my bedroom or bathroom window then maybe he that would be enough, Or if I was feeling particularly lonely or insecure the I would open the curtains a little hoping he would be enticed to visit. I know sick but again bargaining to survive.

Roger


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#201795 - 01/27/08 05:04 PM Re: Magical Thinking [Re: Freedom49]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
As a kid, I use to imagine if I had 3 wishes from a magic genie, that I would make it stop and make my life be "not crappy." Later on I couldn't believe I could even think that way at 8 or 9.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#201796 - 01/27/08 05:10 PM . [Re: AndyJB2005]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:12 PM)

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#201807 - 01/27/08 06:35 PM Re: Magical Thinking [Re: bardo213]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Dan, my abuser was not in the family and wasn't apart of any of my family's lives, except mine. So.........the abuse ended when I stopped putting up with giving in to his requests for sexual favors and that was that. But the damage was already done.


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#201813 - 01/27/08 06:45 PM Re: Magical Thinking [Re: Hauser]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Thanks Hauser, I am glad you found a way to make it stop. I guess the whole idea of magical thinking really is a survival tool as Roger labeled it. Either way, I am wondering about others who did that too as a way to barter and attempt to control their life that it would stop.The more I discover, the more I find relief but always think of everyone else too. Especially that even today I automatically reverted to it. Now that I understand it, I tend to dismiss it. Metaphorically it is a security blanket.
Peace,
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#201819 - 01/27/08 06:51 PM Re: Magical Thinking [Re: Danbuff]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Yah my blankie. Dan

R


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#201837 - 01/27/08 07:37 PM Re: Magical Thinking *DELETED* [Re: Freedom49]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


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#201875 - 01/27/08 09:27 PM Re: Magical Thinking [Re: awakening]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Yes Dan,

Every day was a bargaining day in the house I grew up in. If I did the dishes for my brother maybe - just maybe he would'nt beat me up. If I cleaned the bathroom maybe - just maybe mom would'nt find a reason to beat me. If I cleaned the garage maybe - just maybe dad might pay a bit of attention to me

Bargains like these are not the kinds of bargains that any kid should be having to make...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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