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#201638 - 01/26/08 10:31 PM I came foward with what happened to me
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
.........



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:50 PM)

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#201645 - 01/26/08 10:51 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Dude,

Its time for YOU to heal!

Getting the perp busted was fantastic....but NOW is YOUR time.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#201646 - 01/26/08 10:54 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Dude,
Wow! I'm not sure you completely realize that what you did was unbelievably brave and courageous.

First, you are not alone, as you can see here. Second, you MUST get some counseling as soon as possible. When I finally started my healing journey after being silent for fourty years, I spent about three weeeks in tears. it is very painful. You have stirred up a lot of painful memories and all those old feelings are flooding over you.
Keep posting here, read these posts, you will see a lot of familiar thoughts and feelings.
You WILL be ok, but it is a long rough journey. But it is the only way to live.
Glad you found us and honored that you are sharing this journey with us
Paul


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#201651 - 01/26/08 10:59 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Still]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
.



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:51 PM)

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#201656 - 01/26/08 11:28 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Paul1959]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
.............



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:54 PM)

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#201667 - 01/27/08 12:12 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Dude you are amazing. I can only add what has been said now is your time. Yes it is very painful. You probably do with you could take it back and just be like it was before but you have saved who knows how many others by doing this. Hang in there. It is ugly but it will get much better. We are hear for you.

Roger


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#201669 - 01/27/08 12:16 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
IT TOOK YOU 30 YEARS TO COME FORWARD, AND DO THE PROPER THINGS.
IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME TO HEAL. BUT YOU HAVE GOTEN JUSTICE.
DO YOU LIVE IN THE "USA" ?

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#201671 - 01/27/08 12:23 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
.............

..........



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:51 PM)

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#201672 - 01/27/08 12:38 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
.....



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:52 PM)

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#201676 - 01/27/08 01:03 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
Ihave ben looking for the person that waped me for several years. I keep runing into "The stature of limitations" . What I want to know is how did you get the police to folow through after so many years had passed . Because I would Love to see the SOB in jail. Please keep us advised on how things go in court

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#201677 - 01/27/08 01:14 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
............



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:52 PM)

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#201678 - 01/27/08 01:17 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Dude,

I confronted the man who abused me in 2001. I thought that this would take care of all my problems and I would finally be able to get on with my life. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that this was just the beginning of my journey.

My advice to you would be to find a good therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse. The district attorney will probably be able to introduce you to some of the sexual abuse advocates that work in your county. They should be able to recommend a qualified therapist. You may also consider asking the DA for information on the Victim's Compensation Board to help pay for therapy.

Good luck and stay strong! This is YOUR time to heal!

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#201679 - 01/27/08 01:22 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Brian]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
....



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:52 PM)

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#201681 - 01/27/08 01:29 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Good for you! Please consider calling the therapist as soon as you can. It really can make a world of difference! Be careful not to expect too much, too fast. Unfortunately this can be a long process but it is well worth the time and effort!

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#201697 - 01/27/08 07:41 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Brian]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Dude--------------------I Hope you find your peace-----------------and get rid of this ball and chain--------------------Steve


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#201723 - 01/27/08 10:22 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: OKIE MIKE]
mvnforwrd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 216
Loc: NJ
DUDE that is awsome you are in a place were many of us wish we were.When reading your story , for a moment I felt JUSTICE for myself. Thankyou for sharing DUDE. And it is great you live in a state that has no statue of limitations. All states should have no time limit on when we speak out.


Way to go DUDE.

_________________________
Take your foot out of yesterday and your other foot out of tomorro or you will keep pissing allover today!

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#201739 - 01/27/08 11:38 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Minute2Minute Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 70
Loc: MB, Canada
Hey Dude,

Your courage is amazing. The pain may seem unbearable, but you WILL get through it. You have strength you may not be giving yourself credit for. I just wanted to give you a word of caution about anti-depressants though. 10 years ago I had emotionally bottomed out. I didn't realize, or wouldn't face, that the severe depression was a byproduct of my abuse. I started taking anti-depressants and never asked for help. The drugs did numb the pain, and allowed me to "function". But, 10 years later, everything came back a thousand times worse. With the anti-depressants, I was able to continue to block and ignore dealing with my abuse. But the impacts of the abuse never went away because I never dealt with them. I'm trying to deal with it now, but I feel like I wasted a lot of my life just functioning rather than living. You've taken a huge step by coming forward. Be proud of that. Anti-depressants may seem like the way to go, but without some real counseling and the love and support of those around you who care, they may not be the best thing for truly healing. I would talk to a therapist and your doctor first, and explain to them about the abuse and what you are really going through, and then decide. I can only speak from my own experience and you need to do what you feel is right for you. I just wanted to caution you that anti-depressants will "numb" the pain, but without talking to a therapist and educating yourself about the impact of what has happened to you, they may just get in the way of truly healing. I'm STILL on anti-depressants and it's overwhelming for me too, but the best thing for me was to come forward and ask for help. THAT is what is really helping me get through this.

Take care of you. \:\)


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#201758 - 01/27/08 02:03 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: OKIE MIKE]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
You truly are amazing and so strong.

I am impressed and feeling that what you allready have done is making me want to also do the right thing.

I am glad you found MS. Everyone here is great and will help you along your road to healing.

Stay strong, you are awesome.

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#201765 - 01/27/08 02:23 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Glad you came forward. Looks like you did the right thing which will set healing in motion for many people, including yourself. A powerful act of courage that will change so many lives.

Healing can be a long journey but I believe it is possible.

All the best,
~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#201767 - 01/27/08 02:37 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: sabata]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Dude Great work on bringing justice forward. I also think that getting a good T is the most important thing you can do. Remember the T works for you and you have the right to pick that person who will help you get better.


Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#201773 - 01/27/08 03:04 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
Originally Posted By: Dude.
That's the thing, I don't know how to heal. By coming forward, I think sometimes all I did was open up a can worms. I'm thinking about taking anti-depressants to numb me.

Dude - your body knows how to heal. Trust it. And find some help. Talk to people here online and locally. Telling our stories is part of how we heal. Consider attending a weekend of recovery.

As for the antidepressants: numbing is not always bad. Sometimes it is a way to tolerate the immediate pain of our injuries until it lessens. But I'd caution you or anyone to avoid taking them without getting therapeutic help.

About coming forward: I've thought about doing that for a long time. Always figured it was too late. I haven't been able to find the guy myself. But your courage has inspired me to look into it further.

Mike


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#201806 - 01/27/08 06:32 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: mike5]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
...............



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:53 PM)

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#201841 - 01/27/08 07:47 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: OKIE MIKE]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
I wish I could remember enough to get an ID. Up until recently all I could remember were 4 seperate minors who abused me. Then recently when I began dealing with those, memories started popping up. I remember standing outside an adults bedroom, in the dark, very much afraid, and now I also remember an incident of being in a car with someone, being driven somewhere, with the same sort of feelings I had in the memory of being outside the bedroom. If somehow I remember enough to know who these memories deal with, you better believe I'll be hunting them down like a wolf pack. I do remember where the hallway is though, but it doesn't help me. It's a hallway from one of the row houses on the base housing on McGuire AirForce base in NJ. Every house had an identical layout, and my parents had so many friends all over the base that I really couldn't tell you specifically which one it is.


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#201843 - 01/27/08 07:53 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: JustScott]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
.............



Edited by Dude. (01/28/08 09:53 PM)

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#201918 - 01/27/08 11:20 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
The problen that I an haveing with tracking down the person that raped me is that he is a Hispanic with the last name of Hernandez. That is the equivelant of Smith or Jones. But I do know his full name, rank and the army unit that he was assigned to when this happened . and he was born in 1944. But that is all that I know at this time.
If I could get the VA to coropate they have the info . But the fucking privatsy act gets in the way . Is there a way to force open the the government files ?

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#201919 - 01/27/08 11:25 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
You have a lot of strength and courage to have done this Dude. Good for you.

Since my abuse was 35-40 yrs ago, and my abusers were probably 50-60 at the time... I've never thought to track them down. Your story makes me wonder what confronting them would be like. Wow.

I also think the therapist is a terrific idea. Might have to try several, sometimes people don't "click" and it does take time. You clearly have what it takes to get through this.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#202190 - 01/28/08 11:40 PM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: LandOfShadow]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Thanks for the replies, however, I will never post on this forum again.


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#202227 - 01/29/08 05:59 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Well isn't that a pickle.

Wishing you happy trails Dude. Unfortunate that things ended up this way but I think I saw it coming by the way that other thread was shaping up.

~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#202238 - 01/29/08 07:38 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: frost]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
If only you had decided not to post in the OTHER thread, this one seemed to be headed in a helpful direction.

It's a shame, when someone decides to withdraw from the site. But I guess you have to want help in order to get help.

As Brian said, wishing you happy trails!

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#202239 - 01/29/08 07:39 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: frost]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: frost
Well isn't that a pickle.

Wishing you happy trails Dude. Unfortunate that things ended up this way but I think I saw it coming by the way that other thread was shaping up.

~Brian


I'm shocked this forum is a "sponsored link" on the yahoo search engine. I have that entire thread saved. I will share my experience what happened with others when it comes to this topic. With statements like the ones below, this forum should not be a sponsored link for victims of sexual abuse looking for help. I will be contacting yahoo. Here are some of the comments.

Quote:
dude, chill out ok? "crucified"? .......... please

If I may say, I "pity" you


Quote:
you can like big boobs but still see gay tendencies within yourself which makes you freaked out


Quote:
Dude, your perp was not gay, even though he fucked your ass. Lots of gay guys fuck each other daily and have lots of fun doing it.


Quote:
Get over it. I'm sorry you were fucked.


Quote:
Dude, I'm sorry I triggered you again


Quote:
This is where we can duke it out. Are you ready?


Quote:
You are a pitiful, small minded man,


This forum should not be advertised on helping victims of sexual abuse. I will contact yahoo.



Edited by Dude. (01/29/08 07:40 AM)

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#202241 - 01/29/08 07:43 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Lazarus]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Lazarus
If only you had decided not to post in the OTHER thread, this one seemed to be headed in a helpful direction.

It's a shame, when someone decides to withdraw from the site. But I guess you have to want help in order to get help.

As Brian said, wishing you happy trails!

Lazarus


I didn't put the thread there I put it here, it was moved. You are the one who made those statements.



Edited by ModTeam (01/29/08 07:49 AM)

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#202242 - 01/29/08 07:51 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
anyway90 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/26/07
Posts: 148
I don't get you...did you expect others to agree with your point of view?


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#202243 - 01/29/08 07:55 AM Re: I came foward with what happened to me [Re: Dude.]
ModTeam Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/06
Posts: 690
I am closing this thread since it is turning into a vehicle for recriminations and accusations, which is not what our community is all about.

Dude, you are of course welcome to raise any issues you have about our site anywhere you please. The person to contact here is Nathan on webmaster@malesurvivor.org

Larry, aka roadrunner,
For the ModTeam

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