Your courage is amazing. The pain may seem unbearable, but you WILL get through it. You have strength you may not be giving yourself credit for. I just wanted to give you a word of caution about anti-depressants though. 10 years ago I had emotionally bottomed out. I didn't realize, or wouldn't face, that the severe depression was a byproduct of my abuse. I started taking anti-depressants and never asked for help. The drugs did numb the pain, and allowed me to "function". But, 10 years later, everything came back a thousand times worse. With the anti-depressants, I was able to continue to block and ignore dealing with my abuse. But the impacts of the abuse never went away because I never dealt with them. I'm trying to deal with it now, but I feel like I wasted a lot of my life just functioning rather than living. You've taken a huge step by coming forward. Be proud of that. Anti-depressants may seem like the way to go, but without some real counseling and the love and support of those around you who care, they may not be the best thing for truly healing. I would talk to a therapist and your doctor first, and explain to them about the abuse and what you are really going through, and then decide. I can only speak from my own experience and you need to do what you feel is right for you. I just wanted to caution you that anti-depressants will "numb" the pain, but without talking to a therapist and educating yourself about the impact of what has happened to you, they may just get in the way of truly healing. I'm STILL on anti-depressants and it's overwhelming for me too, but the best thing for me was to come forward and ask for help. THAT is what is really helping me get through this.
Take care of you.