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#201007 - 01/23/08 10:24 PM How to prep for WOR?
MagRaith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Salt Lake City, UT
I've made a commitment to attend the Weekend of Recovery in California in March. Huge step for me - so of course I'm feeling some reservations now about it, I want to make the most of it but I know I have a lot of hang ups. In challenging myself to go I decided I have about ten weeks to prepare, so I'm asking anyone else who has attended in the past to give me your advice on how best to prepare. I guess specifically I'm concerned about how I will fit in, if I'll feel comfortable participating, if I'll be able to make it through without completely shutting down. I do NOT do well in groups, I've been burned badly in the past in the one group I tried to participate in. I really grilled the interviewer when she called, and I discussed it with my therapist. My T thinks its a good idea but she does have some real concerns about things that have happened to me in the past in group therapy. I also have all the usual baggage from my CSA. There are deeper issues, but this should suffice for now. So what can you share that can help?

Kurt


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#201008 - 01/23/08 10:35 PM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: MagRaith]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
The first day you get there, the afternoon will be spent on your safety. Think about what you need to request from the group to feel safe. I don't think you'll need to worry about not fitting in. Everyone is going there for the same reason: sexual abuse recovery. So rest assured you'll have that in common with everyone.

I had many fears, reservations and concerns before I went. In fact, just the fact that I was going to the weekend was the most unlikely thing possible for me to do. It was extremely out of character for me as I really hadn't tried dealing with people, let alone a group of people, for quite some time. All of those concerns I had were carefully chipped away that first afternoon and evening. The weekend is structured for maximum safety and the facilitators will be making sure the groundwork is there so you can really work on whatever you choose when you're at the weekend.

I don't want to tell you a full run down of everything that you'll be doing at the weekend, because I think part of the experience is simply trying new things while you're there. I can tell you that the weekend I attended in September 2007 was a truly life changing experience. I was amazed at how much I was able to open up and share and that I came away from the weekend with a handful of very close friendships. I can only hope that your experience will be equal to or greater than mine.

Try not to stress about it too much. You're doing the right thing!
~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#201023 - 01/24/08 12:17 AM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: frost]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Kurt
I also signed up for the WoR in march. I will find out in aday or two if I am going. Also nervous about stuff for different reasons. I do ok in crowds as long as I don't get into personal stuff. HA HA. Oh well everyone tells me It will be wonderful but like you I have some unpleasant memories from some groups I have been in. Well at any rate it can't kill me and I could be miraculously cured.

Roger


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#201073 - 01/24/08 09:13 AM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: Freedom49]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I am really wanting to go the the WoR also. However I am scared also. Just am not sure if I am ready for this yet. I really have a hard time openig up to strangers.

Hope I get the courage to go.

KEN

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#201080 - 01/24/08 09:55 AM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: KENKEN]
MagRaith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Salt Lake City, UT
First, thanks for your responses. It is actually helpful for me to see that others feel exactly like I do, especially the same fears and "self protective" defenses. And yes, Freedom,that miracle cure would really be nice, save me a lot of money in therapy. As Brian said, and I was told in my interview, they do seem to take great steps to ensure safety and respect boundaries. So I am encouraged and very hopeful that it will be a good thing. I'm hoping others like you Ken that are wondering will decide to risk it and go. I'm not really expecting a miracle cure, but I swear if I don't get out of my head and take this risk - I'll explode. I'll probably retreat back into drugs again. Of course I think there can't be anybody as paranoid and with bigger thicker walls than I have, so at the least if you attend you can shake your head and say "Jesus, at least I'm not as f*$%ed up as that guy!!!! \:\)

Kurt


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#201085 - 01/24/08 10:43 AM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: MagRaith]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
"Jesus, at least I'm not as f*$%ed up as that guy!!!! \:\)


LOL that is exactly what I was thinking! only about me

R


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#201135 - 01/24/08 01:21 PM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: Freedom49]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Something occurred to me this morning that I thought I might share because its certainly something you can prepare for.

Be prepared to 'crash' after the weekend. For me, I thought I had a pretty good support network prior to going to the weekend here at home. However, once I was at the weekend, I got a true idea of what supportive and understanding people were actually like. It was very difficult for me to return home from the weekend to a support structure that was actually pretty dismal. While I understand not much can compare to a weekend of recovery where you are immersed in the subject of childhood sexual abuse, I have experienced as well as heard many of my friends say they took a lot of time to settle back into their lives after going to the weekend.

It's kind of like this: you've developed a 'comfort zone' in your life. At the WoR, the chances are you will be expanding that comfort zone to include a lot of much healthier happier things. When you return home from the WoR, you will be expected to fit back into your 'old comfort zone' which, to be honest, doesn't feel that comfortable anymore.

So prepare yourself for that. Prepare that you likely won't see things the same way anymore after the weekend.

Wishing you guys all the best,
~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#201193 - 01/24/08 07:51 PM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: frost]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Brian---------------Ditto-could not have said it better-----------------------------Steve


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#201377 - 01/25/08 07:29 PM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kurt and Ken,

I have never been to a WoR, but that is just because I live in Europe. I just want to tell you that I know or have met many guys who have been to these weekends, and ALL of them felt it was a life-changing experience for them.

Brian has great advice - try not to stress too much. Your safety is THE top priority at these weekends and the groups are small. The facilitators will make sure you stay safe. I hope you both go - I KNOW what your report will be like once the weekend is over! \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#201388 - 01/25/08 08:48 PM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: roadrunner]
MagRaith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Salt Lake City, UT
Thanks to all who replied - I met with my T today and we decided this was a good move for me. So I am committed, travel is set, I'm on my way, ready or not. Hope to see others of you there.

Kurt


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#201409 - 01/25/08 09:41 PM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: MagRaith]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kurt,

Good for you. Most important moves feel scary at first; that's probably a good sign of how important they really are. Just remind yourself that the facilitators are pros and have done this many times; they will take good care of you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#201422 - 01/25/08 11:28 PM Re: How to prep for WOR? [Re: MagRaith]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Kurt and Roger

I am sending in my registration tomorrow so I do plan on attending the WoR in March. Now that I know I am not the only one that is scared about this. But in talking to my group members I feel it will be good for me.

Looking forward (I think) to this weekend also.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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