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#200893 - 01/23/08 11:59 AM I want my blankie!
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I remembered you this morning.
I still have forgotten almost all
Certainly the bad stuff. Mostly.
I saw you crying silently.
on your side.
Feet drawn up and hugging your knees.
Little tears.
Shaking Shaking.
But you had your blankie.
You were safe now.
Chewing on the satin edge.
Rubbing it against your cheek.
Going away.
In your head.
Quiet place with blankie.
Can I whisper you a secret?
You will be older someday soon.
It will be better.
You will be me.
And there will still be times
many times I am afraid.
I will miss my blankie.
I will want my blankie.
Somewhere in time it will be lost.
So enjoy it now.
Hug it tight.
I will find substitutes soon.
Not as good.
Not as safe.
Not as acceptable.
Even though I won't say it
I won't even think it.
But between you and me kid.
I WANT MY BLANKIE!

R


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#200895 - 01/23/08 12:37 PM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Roger,

I smiled and shed a tear when I read this one. When I was little I had a crib blanket with a satin edge as you describe. My Dad would roll it up for me with a bit of the satin sticking out, and I would sleep with it all the time. I even had a name for it: Covie.

Not too long ago I was going through some old things of mine and there, lo and behold, was Covie! It was a special moment, let me tell you! \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#200907 - 01/23/08 01:32 PM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: roadrunner]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Roger,

Thank You for sharing this

I too had a blankie - used to roll up tight in it at night to feel safe (along with all of the other coverings on the bed)

I think mom got rid of it though when I went into the military cause I cannot find it in their house anymore and she just says she don't know what happened to it

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#201068 - 01/24/08 08:28 AM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: TJ jeff]
NoOneImportant Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 36
I had a blanket too. This poem is so close for me. I recently had a memory creep up on me. Me hiding in a corner, under a table in my home. Guess I would have been 6 or 7. I think. I was there, with my blanket. I know I went there to feel safe. My mom eventually started cutting parts of it off, so it got smaller and smaller, was never the same. I know she was just trying to get me to give up something she thought was childish, but damn it, maybe if she knew the shit I was dealing with she would have let me keep it. I agree, I want my blankie.


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#201114 - 01/24/08 12:07 PM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: NoOneImportant]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
This came from a memory that popped up unexpectedly and left me crying. I saw myself as described in the first part. That was all just that sudden memory from out of nowhere. I never remembered that I had that blankey till yesterday. I cannot describe the sense of loss I still feel when I read it back. It seems so silly but I am crying as I type even now. Must mean something but all I can feel is loss so I don't know. Glad you guys got something out of it.

Roger



Edited by Freedom49 (01/24/08 12:07 PM)

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#201262 - 01/25/08 06:25 AM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Roger,

When I was being abused I was safe in my own home, since the abuser was not a family member or babysitter. But I still felt unsafe and feared that the abuser was so powerful he could just come into my house for me at any time. I had this image of being dragged away by my ankle.

So anyway, I had hiding places here and there, stocked with comic books, a blanket, stuff to eat, and I would go to one of these places when I felt especially afraid. But I don't remember taking Covie with me.

Not sure why. Did I just never take "him"? Or do I just not remember? I'll have to think about that. It seems important somehow.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#201955 - 01/28/08 03:08 AM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: roadrunner]
John Ireland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/02
Posts: 155
Loc: Chicago
i too had my special blankie & cherish the magic memories... i also invite YOU to cover YOUrself in YOUr now blankie & join me ... look up...looooooooooooook way way WAY UP... & YOU WILL BE HERE :):):)

always dream~~~dare~~~dive freedom49 & HOW...NOW...WOW, john :):):)



Edited by ModTeam (01/29/08 07:21 AM)

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#201957 - 01/28/08 03:10 AM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: John Ireland]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
John I LOVE those glasses. You were adorable.

R


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#201958 - 01/28/08 03:19 AM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: Freedom49]
John Ireland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/02
Posts: 155
Loc: Chicago
hey R... thanx & i see you were a cute tike too dude :):):) thanx for YOUr coolio energy, john :):):)


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#202374 - 01/29/08 06:24 PM Re: I want my blankie! [Re: John Ireland]
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Hey Roger, I went to my first recovery week-end and made friends with a wonderful Teddy bear who was almost as big as I was. We spent a couple of hours together, just crying our eyes out. When I got home, I knew my wife couldn't quite deal with my sleeping with a Teddy bear, so I got one of those super soft pillows, and slept with it for a while. It worked. I don't do it anymore, but it helped, and once in a while, when it gets real bad, I wish I remembered where I put the darn thing.

Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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