A little history as to how I came to where I am right now.
My abuse happened when I was 4,5, or 6 years old, (I'm not sure exactly when) by my older step brother. I believe that I was always aware of the abuse and I convinced myself that I was NEVER GOING TO LET THAT EXPERIENCE AFFECT MY LIFE. I made that my lifes' goal. I would get angry when I would hear stories on the news of somebody using their abuse as an excuse as to why they committed some horendous act. No way in hell was I ever going to let that experience control any aspect of my life what so ever. I just won't allow it. So I thought.
So, on I go living life in my own way, knowing that in the back of my mind that this abuse was naging me some how, but I just wouldn't accept the possibility that it was impacting my life.
Two years ago I got some career counseling to figure out what I want to be when I grow up (I'm currently 34 yrs old). In that process, I took a Myers-Briggs personality test to try and figure out what careers I would find satisfying. I was informed that my personality type is somewhat of a rare one. I am an ENFP (Extravert, with Intuition, Feeling, and Perception). Only 1% of the population make up this kind of personality type, and a large majority of them are women.
Either way, It was a great experience, it provided me with lots of info and options for me to do research on.
Six months later, my wife and I were discussing some of my negative childhood experiences (sex abuse as well as other emotional abuse I've experienced), and I made the dession that I was going to do some research into my abuse. I picked a book called "Victoms no longer, male survivors recovering from childhood sexual abuse" by author Mike Lew (an excellent book if you haven't read it).
I was reading this book and gaining insight as to how the abuse might have actually affected me against my will, and than I read a sentence that stopped me cold.
The author writes "Survivors are the most Intuitive, Feeling or Comapasionate,and Perceptive people I have ever come across".
All he had to do was write Extraverted and it was the results from my personality test. In this moment I came to the realization that not only did my abuse affect me, IT'S BEEN THE FUCKING CORNER STONE OF MY VERY PERSONALITY!!!
I'm curious, any other ENFP's out there?
A shoking realization to say the least.
After procrastinating for close to a year, I finaly called a therapist who advertised in the local paper. She is a sex therapist who specializes in trauma. I met with her for the first time just last week and she is recommending EMDR therapy. I've done some research on it and I have no reason to think that it won't be helpful, but I do come across some negative responses regarding it.
Anyone have some experience with EMDR that they would like to share?
Anyhow, thanks for reading, sorry for the length, glad I found you guys. Cheers.
Life is about the journey, not the destination.