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#2007 - 07/31/04 11:21 PM Why not me?
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I think for the last month or so, I have maybe been thinking backwards of how I should be seeing things. Isn't that something that happen sometime? That there is more then one ways to look at something, even if we do not think so. There was one of the philosphy people, back many years ago, (Epictetus) who say that something like 'We are not bothered by things, but by the way we view things'. Now, I think there always will be things we will be bothered by, as individuals and as each society we are in. Some things that are common practice to some peoples would be looked as terrible things to people of another country or civilization. We need not lose ourself to recognize other views, or even need to recognize them as truths, but to deny they exist, that is arrogant. (If I use that word rightly).

That is all fine thinking. But to look at whole countrys and societys, and how they think together, that is not my job. I am just saying that, because it make me realize there is different views of things even within me. Or there can be.

I have been, for like month or so, thinking 'why me' of all these things. Why me that I am abused. Why me that I am sick now, that I needed surgry done, that I need more stuff done to get better. I am thinking that to think this way, though, it traps my head some. I get put in one place, and that is not a nice place. It is place of thinking more negative and 'giving up' of things.

Why not me? I am young. I am mostly healthy. I am someone who can recover from surgry, from illness. I am not parent or partner who is working hard for family. I can have days or even weeks when I can't 'work', and it will affect me, but I will continue to have place to live and food to eat. Why not me to been abused? Other person I know, he kill himself years ago. I don't do that, I could really not imagine to do that. I hear of stories, people who been abused who go crazy, kill people, or abuse other people. I don't do that. I won't do that. Everything in my life, yes, maybe I very much do not like some things, but everything, I can deal with. I can handle.

But, mostly, I am thinking right now, to think why not me can also make me have good thoughts. People who lie must have fantastic memories, to keep them accurate. They lose their lives to it, to being someone they are not. I am myself. People who harm others, they can not feel anything good of themself, they must get those kind 'good' feelings from doing wrong to people. I can look at myself in mirror and know I have not caused deliberate harm or pain to another person, whether that person good or bad. The people who can do the most terrible things in the world, they are lost in the world. Because the world, it works hard to be good for us. They are on outside of the good things in the world. The darkness inside them, it eats them alive, even as they try to have control by hurting others. They are not able to know the warmth of loving someone or being loved. They can see the most beautiful sunset, and instead of appreciating the art of the colors chasing each other in the sky, see only the arrival of night. They can not hold in their hands a baby animal, innocent and helpless, and know compassion and desire to make things better. The beauty of love, of acceptance, of 'family', such as so many people here feel, it is not existent to those without the lightness in their souls to know it.

I feel love. I feel it from my family, even from so far away. I feel it from friends, both closer and farther away in distance. I can be strong. I am strong. I can be gentle. I can be kind. I can give of myself and know the great warmth of feeling that comes only from doing that, the return that comes not from the other person or creature you help, but from the power of the universe. I can watch the sunset and be in amazement by the colors, by the changing shades of light in the sky. I can welcome each day as a new chance, a new beginning, the chance again to find myself peace and being filled with the good things of the world. I can make mistakes every day for a week, two weeks, years, and still keep hope that tomorrow, I will get it right. I have hope, I have love, I have strength, I have so many good things in life, so many good feelings in my surroundings. So much GOOD.

Why not me?

andrei


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#2009 - 08/01/04 12:21 AM Re: Why not me?
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
As always Andrei, in good times and in bad, you have a very gentle and posiotive attitude. You are an extraordinary young man. I wish you good health and a long life. We need lots of people like you to cheer us up and keep us hopeful.

Peace friend,

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#2010 - 08/01/04 12:59 AM Re: Why not me?
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Well put Andrei.

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#2011 - 08/01/04 04:58 AM Re: Why not me?
Shawn_L35 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/04
Posts: 31
Andrei,

You never stop amazing me. I can hear the pain in your writing many times, but no matter how much pain you go through -- you always find the way out. I bought a keychain the other day. It was in shape of a key. It said, "God never shuts one door without opening another one." You can find this in your thoughts.

Your words were so beautiful and so inspiring. I think many of us find a hard time finding any beauty out of what we have been through.

You say, "why not me?" I can come up with a single reason, yet you can find many. You say, "why me? I can come up with a million reasons.

YOu have such a gentle soul and gentle heart. I hope that you are able to find peace in yourself as often times it seems you have.

YOu are always in my prayers and in my thoughts.

A friend.


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#2012 - 08/01/04 06:36 AM Re: Why not me?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Andrei

what a beautiful perspective on life!

You make it so clear and concise, you see the World both as it is, and how it should be,

thank you for sharing

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#2013 - 08/01/04 07:54 AM Re: Why not me?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
((((((((((((((Andrei)))))))))))))))))))))

My younger, wiser brother, I never fail to learn from you. I never fail to be humbled by you. I never fail to leave your presence feeling a bit better about myself and life in general. I am not sure how you do it, how you maintain the thoughts and heart and soul and spirit that you do. I am honored to be your friend, and I cherish you very much. Thank you, for this, now.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#2014 - 08/02/04 08:49 AM Re: Why not me?
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Andrei,

I think you have enlightened us all! I know you have me. You are one of the most gentlest, kindest people I know. Your post makes me feel ashamed for complaining, "Why me?" so much. In fact your post is inspirational. I've printed it out and I am taking it to work to keep in my office. Each time I am feeling sorry for myself, I will take it out and read your words.

You are more precious than any diamond in this world. Great things are going to happen to you, Andrei.

Rich


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#2015 - 08/04/04 04:14 PM Re: Why not me?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
((((((((((((Andrei)))))))))))))

After today, you deserve some comfort. And I think, truly, that which can comfort you most right now are your own words and ideas.

You are VERY right, very smart with how you feel and think. Don't let other people make you feel you are wrong for how you feel. And it WILL be ok.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#2016 - 08/04/04 05:45 PM Re: Why not me?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Andrei YOU ARE THE MOST COMPASSIONATE AND LOVING PERSON I KNOW. YOU SEE THE GOOD IN ALL OF US. YOU ARE ALSO A VERY BRAVE MAN AND I MEAN THAT WITH ALL MY HEART.

JUST KNOW THAT EVERY DAMNED ONE OF US IS THERE WITH YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY AND I KNOW THAT THIS IS JUST A BUMP ON THE ROAD

LOESHA SUMMED IT UP AND I AGREE TOTALLY WITH HIM.

LOVE YOU BROTHER

((((((((((((((((((((ANDREI)))))))))))))))))

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#2017 - 08/04/04 07:19 PM Re: Why not me?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
{{{{{Andrei}}}}}

you give so much inspiration to the group, you have the enlightenment of the soul, I remember the saying, God "why me" , and the answer is "why not you my child" you prove you have got so far in this World, you have proved your worth to me.

Why do you give me this burden to carry? The burden of life is in the soul, nobody can take away the soul of the abused, he is the kid who can inspire great things in the soul of all men, he has the power to fill the void having seen the void of his childhood.

The road is so aloof to the mind sometimes, but we get there thru the fog of life, the hurt mind can be so healing to others or not, as we choose.

Nobody, but nobody, is ever going to abuse me again, you can be strong and use your inner mind to be strong again, I know how hard it is, but we must get there, we can't let the bastards kill us, we survived then and we will always be survivors, we can someday, somehow turn our hell into heaven.

Is there such a thing, I've been to hell and know what it's like, but never again, heaven is a place I only remember before the abuse.

Living a life of childhood abandon, not a care in the world, taken, broken, kicking, screaming, Why do we let some shit break our lives, but we do and nobody seems to listen, so it goes on infinitum.

When will the world wake up?

ste

I won't be posting for a while, probs with same thing and things I work with


Ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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