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#200446 - 01/20/08 09:58 PM Pretty new to this
ConfusedinKS Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/20/08
Posts: 6
Loc: Kansas United States
Where to start... I am a 25 year old male. I had what most consider a "normal" life, and repressed memories have risen up and bitten me squarely in the ass. My world seem to shatter once the floodgates in my mind were opened.

I feel that for the better part of my life, I didn't have emotions, or I was emotionally bankrupt. I've lived in my little bubble for so long, its one heck of an adjustment.

I can say at this point, I can remember the molestation. I didn't ask for it, I didn't ask or want to remember. That was 3 weeks ago. It was to me like being re-born. I do have feelings and they do matter. The emotional roller coaster I've been on is one hell of a ride. Once I did remember, and shared it with my spouse, I could not bear or bring myself to look at her out of fear. Fear has been my prison for so long now, its very difficult to even type these words. Every face in the crowd is watching me, observing me, judging me. I realize that it stems from within, but at the end of the day it really hasn't helped me much.

I was lucky in that the therapist I found has the same background as myself. We both remembered as an "adult."

My question to all of you is this, how does one overcome? Does this process have to remain a constant bitter struggle?


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#200452 - 01/20/08 11:16 PM Re: Pretty new to this [Re: ConfusedinKS]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Confused,
First let me welcome you to this wonderful place and say how sorry I am that you needed to come here for those reasons.

It will be tough for a while. Painful as you remember and feel the emotions of that time back then. You have surpressed them like I did I guess. You overcome the best way you can with the help of your therapist and allowing yourself to feel the long surpressed emotions. When we are hurt as kids and I assume you were a child, we tell ourselved we will not let anyone hurt us like that again and we build walls around our lil hearts to keep out the pain. We can function if we don't feel or so we think. Later on in life we realize what keeps out the pain, keeps out the joy too, the love too. We find that we want to experience those things but we can't and we don't know why. That begins the opening of the flood gates and boom here it comes.
You will probably overcome eventually when you are able to take down some of that wall and learn to feel again. With your adult maturity you can take that child with in you thru those terrible things safely and bring him out with you safe and sound. YOu will make it. There are many here who understand and will help. Talk and write about it as your comfortable. Welcome and I hope this makes some kind of sense.

Roger


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#200471 - 01/21/08 01:03 AM Re: Pretty new to this [Re: Freedom49]
mvnforwrd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 216
Loc: NJ
i will not judge, watch or observe you. I will listen though and take it one day at a time maybe we will someday overcome but lets not stop trying.

_________________________
Take your foot out of yesterday and your other foot out of tomorro or you will keep pissing allover today!

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#200483 - 01/21/08 02:31 AM Re: Pretty new to this [Re: ConfusedinKS]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: ConfusedinKS
My question to all of you is this, how does one overcome? Does this process have to remain a constant bitter struggle?

We overcome it one day at a time, one step at a time, with a lot of hard work, introspection, tears, laughter, anger, and determination. And no, it does not have to be a "constant bitter struggle", though at times it can sure be just that. But you know what, there will be times when you have those "light bulb" moments and you realize some truth concerning your journey. When that happens it will make all the difficulties worth the effort. Really! \:\)

Welcome, Friend. Come on in, pull up a chair, and we'll spin a yarn or two, maybe shed some tears together, and for sure we'll spend some time laughing together. We'll make this journey together helping each other along.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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