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#199843 - 01/16/08 08:34 PM Is it easier to just avoid sex
bmac Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/28/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Atlantic Canada
is it easier to just avoid sex all together, for me it's so hard to have my thoughts and try to get my thoughts out to others, and because of my rape from a bf, abuse from an uncle and assult from a stranger i find that womens' lingerie is my fetish or way of gettting really turned on, but not many people understand or support that, and I find that makes it even harder on me, it makes me feel that my feelings are wrong, my ideas are wierd and only makes things worse then what they are, sometimes just feel like it's easier to just avoid sex and and kink's that are on my mind. toughts? I find vanilla sex create to many flashbacks for me, does this make sense? Any way of reducing flashbacks in any other way the giving into my fetishes or likes
?


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#200445 - 01/20/08 09:54 PM Re: Is it easier to just avoid sex [Re: bmac]
VictoryisRs Offline
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Registered: 12/13/07
Posts: 36
Loc: Seattle, WA
don't have much to offer here. Your statement above relflects a lot of spontaneous thoughts that seem to run together. If whatever you do makes you feel bad, guilty, or 'abnormal' then simply avoiding sex is not the answer. Sorting out what 'triggers' these desires and how they've turned into perhaps a surrogate coping mechanism may be a question to be explored. What is preventing you from having a healthy, expressive, sexual relationship? THe flashbacks? The fear of being 'found out'? Unfortunately these 'flashback images'(and I assume you mean memories of abuse) often come uninvited into our conscious-learning to let go of them and realize they no longer have power over us is a challenge. Try substituting the 'scary' memory for something else. Try not to think of 'abuse' in the context of where you are now-if you're in a loving relationship,
what words can be switched for abuse or molest or (fill in the blank w/ your scary word or memory of choice)to describe the physical intimacy that happens? How is the relationship you're in now different than the unwanted, exploited, event(s) of the abusive relationship? We are not our past. Unfortunately, it comes uninvited at the times we least want it and makes it hard to live in the 'now'.


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