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#200374 - 01/20/08 11:20 AM Re: some of my other names [Re: mogigo]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I think Mike had a key consideration for you:

Originally Posted By: mogigo
Would you describe another person with your values the way you describe yourself?


Your answer was no, but because you know yourself better than you know others. But I would like to press you a bit on this one. As you come to know people better, do you find yourself accumulating a whole range of negative feelings about them? Probably not. So the answer isn't that as you get to know a person better you come to see their flaws, and since you know yourself best, you are acutely aware of all your failings.

I think many of us have felt like this at one time or another, though, so what's going on? I think, Mark, that the answer is that when we look at ourselves we are doing that through the prism of our own experiences. We see what we feel. We think that our feelings are accurate, so we judge ourselves accordingly. For example, I feel shameful, so I think I am shameful.

That's why dealing with our feelings is so vital in our recovery. Once we drag them out into the open we can work on them, and what we find is that they aren't true. They are in almost all cases part of the false lessons taught by abuse and abusers.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#200432 - 01/20/08 07:52 PM Re: some of my other names [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
As you come to know people better, do you find yourself accumulating a whole range of negative feelings about them? Probably not. So the answer isn't that as you get to know a person better you come to see their flaws, and since you know yourself best, you are acutely aware of all your failings.

Actually - as i get to know other people better, i see just how flawed i am.

i understand what you're saying ... my heart wants to believe you - my mind is a different matter. i KNOW just how bad i am.


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