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#200234 - 01/19/08 03:03 PM Easily Coerced/Manipilated?
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
It seems I'm rather easily overwhelmed and coerced to do stuff. It especially shows up when I deal with the public at my job (I work at a small computer store repairing PCs). For example, I had a customer who came in to the store, who wanted to return a wireless card. It was sealed and hadn't been opened, customer paid cash and wanted a refund in cash. I'm not supposed to give back cash if its over $50 because will be short in the drawer the next day. But the customer wanted cash back, for somereason I just gave it to him. I should have said, purchases of $50 or more need to be refunded with a check which we can get you on monday. I'm sure I'm in trouble

In any event, is this due to CSA? Or maybe its another issue and it made me vernerable to the CSA?

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#200235 - 01/19/08 03:18 PM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: onlyakid]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
He paid cash, he should get cash back. If you want him to RETURN in the future as a paying customer, he should have been given what he wanted, which was in every way reasonable.

Tell your boss to get rid of that stupid rule. Who wants to go to a bank to cash a stupid check?

As far as CSA making it's effects apparent in your case.......well, yes, it can make us less assertive and more willing to give in. But in this situation, I see a stupid business practice conflicting with your better judgment, nothing else.


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#200239 - 01/19/08 03:28 PM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: Hauser]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Being easily manipulated is what I was too. They call them people pleasers now. I think it is a part of the CSA personality. I also agree whith Hauser. You boss should be able to refund a cash purchase and should have a safe with cash on hand. I also understand the need to not clean out he cash drawer over one purchase refund. So I don't think this particular incident is significant but your reaction to it shows your thinking about your personality issues. Good for you. Be more assertive. You can and people will respect you more. You go guy!

Roger


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#200264 - 01/19/08 07:15 PM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: Freedom49]
zapmaz Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 3
Im writing because I have the same thing. Coerced and Overwhelmed
by it. Ive been told its a boundry thing. But I dont always agree
with that. I think its hard to describe the coerced part.
Do you feel like you have to do things; against your better
judgement? Do you get tired of that thought creeping in..
I call it a magnetic pull. I think one of the ways to handle it
is knowing that it conects some way to your sexassualt. It
isnt you, its the crime again raising its ugly head at you.
Again dont feel your alone in this. I heard there are alot others
involved with the same issue. But recognize it for what it is
Youll feel less overwhelmed by it.


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#200388 - 01/20/08 01:22 PM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: zapmaz]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

I like Alan's suggestion - as usual: clear, brief, and right to the point. The guy paid cash and brought the thing back in perfect condition with a receipt. He needs cash back NOW. Whatever your rule is, the reasonable response is to give it to him. If your boss bitches, Alan's argument about the returning customer is perfect.

But yes, this may be a survivor issue for you. Abuse is about power, as we all hear, and abusing a boy is about taking advantage of him and disempowering him. He learns that what he thinks and wants doesn't count, and that trying to stand up for himself will fail and only lead to more hurt. That's a rough lesson to learn as a boy; most of us will take some form of that false lesson into adulthood.

If you're in therapy this might be a good topic for one of your sessions. It's through talking about things and trying to implement what we learn in steady safe steps that we make progress.

Good luck!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#200632 - 01/21/08 09:04 PM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Well, I got into work today expecting full well that I would get in trouble for violating the store policy and I did. But I also got something that I didn't expect. Turns out as best I can figure, the guy shoplifted the item while I had my back turned to him trying to fix something on a new laptop he had purchased from us at Christmas. Because my boss wondered where the returned item was when I informed him that it was back on the shelf, he told me that he knew we had one in stock before the return and there was only one over there. Inventory numbers in the computer backed him up, it said we should have 2, we only had 1. How did this happen, how could he return an item that he shoplifted, I screwed up and caved under pressure. He didn't have a reciept, it wasn't in his customer history, but it did have our barcodes and store stickers on it and I know that sometimes a name isn't always added to the sale. It never dawned on me that he could have swiped it and was here looking for a refund. Although it should have, he wanted cash back, he was willing to take a lesser amount if I didn't have enough cash (that should have been a BIG RED FLAG but it wasn't). He refused my offer to put it back on his credit card. The wierdest thing was that he actually called back and talked to my boss saying that he talked to his wife and found out that we never charged her for it when she bought the laptop and would be back in to give us the money back, which of course is not true because the boss knows he had 1 in stock the day before he took the card and we still only had 1 after he returned it.

In any event, I really screwed up royally and I feel real stupid for not seeing it. NO RECIEPT.. I'm willing to take less money back for it, I need it back in cash. One of these days I'm going to end up getting myself fired.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#200648 - 01/21/08 10:08 PM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: onlyakid]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
"no receipt"

You didn't tell me THAT. Do you not have a security camera? Is there no way that you can identify this man?

Either way, you know what? Shit happens. Sometimes we try to do the right thing and it ends up being wrong. So WHAT? It's just a stupid 30 dollar wireless card. BIG FRICKIN' DEAL. Tell your boss to take a pill. It's a learning experience for everyone, and a cheap one at that.

But you know who is going to learn the most from it? Well, this asshole that ripped you off is gonna learn that you have a good memory next time that he comes in as a customer to "buy" something else and you call the cops while he's in your store. I sure hope he comes back.




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#201046 - 01/24/08 04:26 AM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: onlyakid]
Eric5 Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Pennsylvania, USA
Maybe you just wanted them out of your face. You dont always have to find nice reasons for your actions. \:\)


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#201061 - 01/24/08 07:03 AM Re: Easily Coerced/Manipilated? [Re: Eric5]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

Try not to be so hard on yourself. I am 58 and I am still learning stuff that I tell myself I should already know. Your boss isn't far off the mark if he says the store has returns policies for good reasons and based on past experience, but hey, we all live and learn.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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